Sensual Presence

Journey of becoming Whole Woman in heart opening poem of Sanne Burger
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I can’t stay, mother
I love you, but I wasn’t born to please you
I wasn’t born to make you happy
or give your life meaning
I wasn’t born to rot under your wings
like an unhatched egg
I can’t stay, teacher
I wasn’t born to be put into your boxes
to think along your lines
or to memorise your facts
I was born to think independently
I can’t stay, my love
I wasn’t born to satisfy your needs
to take care of you
or to hide in your arms
I wasn’t born to make myself smaller
or to be taken for granted
I can’t stay, boss
I wasn’t born to make money for others
I wasn’t born to follow orders
or to repeat the same day over and over again
I wasn’t born for boredom
I can’t stay, master
I wasn’t born to follow your ideas of what truth is
or to live according to your dogmas
I was born to find my own truth
and make my own rules
I was born to meet life full on
To get lost on Andean trails
To be seduced by mysterious men
To meet different faces, places and cultures
to be out in the jungle all night
To run with wolves
To be swept off my feet
To be taken by storm
To be heartbroken
Devastated
Stunned
Shocked
Lost
Thrown into the deep
I was born to get my hands dirty
To get sand in my mouth
Mud on my clothes
Thorns under my feet
I was born to jump into the abyss
I was born to meet aliens
To do rituals
To be cracked open in ceremony
To go beyond time and space
To welcome magic
To totally lose myself
I was born to feel everything
To taste everything
The bitter taste of sorrow
The foul taste of deceit
The sweet taste of love
I was born to learn how to handle change gracefully
I was born to know the truth
to learn how to fly
I was born to learn how to speak the language of love
How to unchain my heart
How to shed everything
How to let go of all expectations
I was born to learn how it feels to lose everything
except what really matters
I was born to live a life that would strip away everything
that wasn’t real
that wasn’t true
that wasn’t me
I am a phoenix
I am born to spread my wings and fly towards the sun
To burn up and turn to ashes
To fall down to earth and rise up again
When I am old
I will be proud of my scars
My wrinkles
My memories
My stories
My wisdom
My freedom
I was born to be free
And therefore, I can’t stay
~~~~~~~~
Sanne Burger

6 years ago, prior to this picture, I've been told by a supposedly very spiritual woman, that I'm not feminine and I need to work on my femininity. It sounded like condemnation and I started to "do things" to become more feminine. I refused to wear pants for 6 years, stopped reading books (!!!! well, it's mental masculine activity), I let my hair grow, I spoke in a soft voice, I didn't confront men (not to appear dominant), I went to women circles instead (and often hated them). I also hated my inner masculine and stopped myself from things I liked if they were cognitive.
I followed the flow, often allowing men to abuse me in order to be soft and accepting, I let my boundaries be crossed in order not to look controlling (not that I had been good at protecting them before, just changed and excuse), I stopped caring about taxes, salaries, savings, insurance, and other important things.
I got good things from this experiment. I proved that idleness does not lead to catastrophe (at least financial), I started liking more comfortable clothing, learned to rest more. I got a more attractive look that helps me now so much. 😉 Yet I postponed other important things that could have happened earlier. I'll share those a bit later.
I still nowadays get judged by women for being over-controlling and masculine. By those who were lucky enough not to have horrible traumas as many many women did. And hence who cannot understand that the control is the seeking of never obtained safety (the most feminine quality). Who didn't have in their nervous system the trust pathway irreparably broken. Those lucky ones who learned that they can play safely because someone was protecting them. Those lucky ones who can rest in their femininity to obtain what they need.
But not many are so lucky. Many need to embrace their masculine, to be able to nurture their feminine.
When I embraced my masculine, I realised, that I have the power within me to create the safety I need.
When I embraced my masculine, I realized that when I get what I need, I have so much more to give.
When I embraced my masculine, I enforced boundaries, limits, healthy relations.
When I embraced my masculine, I learned not to beg, ask, manipulate, pray for, manifest but do and get things done.
When I embraced my masculine, I recognized the creator within me other than a mother or an artist.
When I embraced my masculine, I accepted my father.
When I was a child, my femininity was used by big men for their pleasure, before I knew what the feminine was. I learned not to love my feminine parts: my breasts, my v***a, my face in order not to be hurt.
My search for feminine helped me not to be afraid of my feminine anymore: her radiance, her magnetism, her beauty. But this would not have happened if my masculine didn't have her back.
Still many things to adapt, to accept, to embrace. But I'm not going anymore to banish any part of me in order to grow the other. They all have space in my heart.
My masculine helped me to build a business that my parents couldn't, create the lifestyle, my parents couldn't dream of (and therefore didn't install any positive beliefs in me for that), the emotional openness and psychological development that is beyond their understanding. All that created by my masculine but run and managed by my feminine.
Sacred union.

"Perhaps part of this social unacceptability is that with an admission to never having children comes an underlying acknowledgment that women have s*x for pleasure. When many are still threatened by women’s s*xual agency, some experts have argued that having s*x for fun, rather than reproduction, is an affront to the long political and religious history of policing female s*xuality and reproductive rights."
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/03/style/childfree-women.html?fbclid=IwAR2wiOlK7XV0th0R1JmV3V5GBFdJ97sdCt3RD_gth_I4_CFhXvkRW4FsT3Y

Women Who Said No to Motherhood A photographer in Berlin is capturing the lives of the consciously child-free.

Very good article about projections in relationships. How to recognise we project on our past on a partner.

The Surprising Reason You Become Deeply Upset With Your Partner Learn Crucial Skills To Create Whole-Hearted, Lasting Love

Some Dao & Ta***ic advises for cultivating your s*xual energy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Hk7jP5HOUM

How s*xual pe*******on impact our energy as woman - Shashi Solluna For more video on Lilou Mace TV visit http://www.LilouMace.com Your contributions and support run the show! http://www.liloumace.com/DONATION-TO-LILOUMACE-TV...

Love your yoni!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jacqueline-secor-vagina-painting_us_58ab534be4b07028b702f650

Artist's Unapologetic Va**na Paintings Are A Force Of Body Positivity Jacqueline Secor painted her way to self-love, one v***a at a time.

Completely agree!
https://vimeo.com/188874803

The Danger of limiting the 'Feminine' to being 'Receptive' www.alchemy-eros.com

Even though the post refers to men, i think we as women very often have this issue too. Great reading!
http://psychos*xualsomatics.com/cant-men-hold-s*xual-energy/

Why can’t men hold their s*xual energy? - Psychos*xual Somatics “So do guys really just want to have quick s*x and cum?” a client asked me the other day. Here’s the age old problem; women typically want longer s*x sessions, with more of a build up of erotic energy, guys tend to want to move ahead to “the main event” of pe*******on and ej*****te pretty...

The power of sisterhood