01/12/2025
Here's something rarely talked about in singing... but it's mega because they are daily hurdles for EVERYONE.
Singing, at the most important moments, is a great big... annoying... hard to figure out.... PARADOX.
Your perception of what you're doing is often the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what's actually happening. That's the trap that keeps singers feeling lost, but also keeps voice coaches in business...
So, long may it continue 😉
That's not your personal failing though. It's how we perceive fuzzy signals in our body, and how we apply outside world logic to world inside whackiness (which is doomed to fail, too).
The first problem is taking advice with no feedback, and the hearing paradox.
Even really good advice is limited, because when you take it you're basically becoming your own coach.
You have to be the PERFORMER and the OBSERVER at the same time, which any singer/dancer/athlete will tell you is a pain in the proverbial.
You do the exercise. You try to figure out if you're doing it right. You have to decide if it even applies to you.
Sounds simple.
Except your brain is working against you the whole time.
Here's one reason why...
When you make sound, your brain actually masks how you hear your own voice. It may even increase the masking the louder you go, meaning you can't yell your way out of it. This is probably so that your hearing can tell you apart from others in the environment, which is clever evolution.
But for a singer trying to assess their own voice? You're somewhat screwed.
You're hardwired to be terrible at hearing yourself.
So you can be doing an exercise religiously for months - hats off for the commitment btw - and discover it's done nothing at all, or maybe even sent you completely in the wrong direction.
All because you couldn't hear the difference. Because you were judging it on 'feeling good' when it sounds really off to listeners. One solution: record yourself daily and review outside of performance. The value is crazy.
There are paradoxes that can become particularly annoying, and I've included a few from my database below for you to cry over.
But the perception problem goes even deeper. Singing is FULL of paradoxes. And when you try to coach yourself through them, you're wading through trap after trap.
Let me paint some pictures.
1. Control Without Controlling:
Everyone wants control. That's natural. But singing can feel more like MOMENTUM.
The best singers don't magic up momentum. They LEAN into it and then almost let it take you. Like ice skating or skiing. You can't force momentum - you have to ride it.
And if you turn away from it in fear, you'll be on your back!
The same can happen in singing. What keeps your voice going isn't just breath. It's other effects - resonance, coordination, flow, springy tissue - that are difficult to conceive.
And the paradox is that trying to control them directly actually stops them working.
In a lot of situations, the voice responds better when you set up free conditions and then allow it to happen. I often call it "dropping the reigns and letting the horse gallop!".
But when you're coaching yourself, that feels terrifying. It feels like you're losing the control.
The paradox is that the way to get what you want is to stop trying so hard to get it.
The next big one is...
2. 'Open' vowels that actually close you up
Ask a singer about open vowels and 99% talk about AH. Nice wide mouth. Open space (which we're told is ace).
It looks right.
But what matters here is the throat. And when you do that lovely open AH, you're moving all the tissue (mainly the tongue) backward and usually closing off the throat.
Meanwhile, that EE vowel? The one that might feel narrow and tighter? That's the one ENT doctors ask you to do to see your vocal cords.
It actually opens the throat space for a good view.
Even elite opera singers will tell you they feel completely open and free... but put a camera down their throat and you see narrowness.
They're not feeling space. They're feeling EASE & FLOW. And they mistook it for openness.
So when you're coaching yourself, and try to "open up", you might be doing the exact opposite.
If it goes really badly, you might be trying to open something that is supposed to be closed and creating conflict in your voice.
You might not even be looking for space, but for ease.
With a better idea of how vowels shape spaces, and splitting our sense of space from our sense of effort, then you can find some incredible vowel combos for range and power.
3. The Betting Paradox
Imagine singing is a game where you have to bet on your voice. Commit to the sound. Put your foot down.
Most nervous singers do the opposite. They bet small. They figure if they use less voice, they stand to lose less. You'll have fewer problems. You'll get less fatigue... sound right?
Sadly, it's often wrong.
Your voice can feel more like a gear. When you don't put your foot down enough, it stalls. It doesn't glide smoothly, it stutters.
And suddenly you feel way more effort and throat tension to get anywhere.
But the logical response to feeling muscles tighten up in the throat is to RELAX. To put in less. And now you're in that downward spiral that's like stalling.
But the fear of commitment is real. Most of us might find ourselves holding back because of it. Figuring we'll be safer that way.
But whatever approach we take with that hesitation, what usually happens is the voice gets worse, not better. And we end up feeling more effort, not less.
Which opens up another paradox, which is if we actually energise the ENTIRE BODY AND MIND, we can feel total ease.
But weirdly, muscles actually switch on more. On paper it's like using a little more energy at the input, but you lose less energy on the output.
The net effect - "this feels like a lot of sound for little effort". That's the holy grail of efficiency, and it often it starts with ENERGY rather than relaxation.
Here's where it gets strange tho. There's a cousin to this paradox that makes it even trickier. When you're terrified of hurting your voice, you often brace against it. You tense up trying to protect yourself.
But that bracing, that protective tension, can be exactly what causes the damage you're trying to avoid.
It's like a weightlifter who gets scared of an old injury. They might lift the weight differently to avoid popping the knee out, but then place the stress on to body parts that aren't designed to take that stress. The worry of one thing creates the injuries in another, all fuelled by safety.
So the singer trying to play it safe can end up much more fragile, not safer. The protective move becomes the injury itself.
4. Stability in Instability
Vibrato is a wobbling pitch. It's not stable. It's literally oscillating around the note, never resting on it.
But it feels rock solid. Even though it's technically all over the place, it can be the most stable thing in a singer's world.
Straight tones? They should be stable, right? But they often sound wavery and out of tune. There's an oddness to them. Even though we're aiming for a straight pitch, achieving one feels... wrong somehow.
But sadly, there's no such thing as straight or stable in singing. Not really. It's all oscillation. Vibration. Wibbling constantly (just so small your ear can't detect it on an individual wobble, but it's there).
So when singers spend years trying to *feel* stable - trying to hit a steady pitch, avoid cracks, lock it in - they're often caught between two responses.
Some of us might find ourselves trying to hold it still, pin it down into place. Others might feel like we're falling apart and can't find solid ground. But whatever we get forced into doing, it's usually something that doesn't have a good outcome in the end.
The paradox is that the stability singers are looking for doesn't come from holding steady. It comes from allowing the oscillation to happen properly. From letting the voice do what it's wired to do - vibrate, wobble, find a rhythm - without interference.
That where SYNERGY is found, and STABILITY comes from that.
How confident are you to coach yourself now?
It's not my purposes to leave you feeling insecure about training on your own. You go for it!
From my experience of helping umpteen singers out of these paradoxical holes, I'd say that 'train alone' programs need upfront disclaimers.
The training I've created in this solo fashion are designed specifically to avoid as many of these problems as possible. It's also why I get sooooo conflicted with creating courses without two-way communication.
For really good results... you NEED feedback. A person who can spot these.
Not constantly. Not obsessively. But feedback beats no feedback every single time.
Coaching yourself through someone else's process is genuinely difficult. There'll be a few who succeed (and end up on a testimonials page), but the biggest number by far is the one of 'head scratchers'.
To recycle my earlier joke, as long as human experience in singing is the direct opposite to the reality, I'll have a long career helping YOU off the paradox spiral!
So if you've been doing the thing on your own and hitting a wall, this may go some way to explaining WHY.
It's not you. You're not stupid. It's the pitfalls of being your own coach.
Please share this with your nerdy singing friends and share your own thoughts (or paradoxes) below. I love a discussion!
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