Umm Khaleel’s Class

A parent I am supporting is in a difficult position and has agreed for me to open this up gently for reflection…

So, Over the past couple of weeks, their child has become more withdrawn and secretive. Naturally, this raised concern. One day, while the child was at school, the parent saw their diary and read it. What they found left them even more distressed.

Now parent is sitting with a lot of questions, wondering if they the right thing and wondering how to address what they’ve seen without exposing that they read the diary.

The child doesn’t know…yet. And at the same time, we’ve been intentionally working on strengthening connection, attachment, and trust within the relationship because it is clear this is a foundational issue and that is where work needs to be done.

So now it feels like a crossroads.

On one hand: a parent’s instinct to protect, and to not ignore possible red flags. And on the other hand: a child’s privacy and trust.

So dear parent, where does your pendulum swing.? And do you believe the Hadith ‘not to spy on one another’ applies here?

Because it wasn’t immediate o😂. But over time I have become more patient, more trusting in Allah because honestly He is the one guiding my children, I’ve become more aware of societal influence, more generous (because why am I spending my last cash on my children and not my self?), more selfless (me that didn’t like sharing my food will give my last morsel to my tiny humans), higher sense of responsibility, more afraid ….

I know there’s more that others who knew me before being a mom can attest to.

How about you?
Did you observe any changes in yourself?

You are not perfect.

You have things that stress and upset you… but you hide them from your children. So, when they feel overwhelmed, and sad, they don’t know what to do with those emotions because they’ve never seen a healthy example of what it looks like to process them.

And sometimes, it becomes even harder for them to open up to you, because in their eyes, you are perfect. They don’t want to disappoint you or seem weak. They don’t even know if their feelings are even acceptable.

Parenting is active and could also be passive. Remember our children are watching us and they are learning from our actions. Don’t lie by omission, cry, tell them you feel stressed or hurt or upset as the case may be and let them see you emerge. You don’t need to be perfect (you actually can’t, so let’s park that one😂) but you can be real.

We should talk next about coping, healthy coping in sha Allah.

If you want to raise emotionally secure children, start by modelling what it looks like to be human.

If you’re ready to learn how to show up emotionally for your child without oversharing or feeling like you’re losing authority, join my parent support sessions at Ummkhaleel Class. Click on the link in my bio to start.

Did you know of the 7 7 7 model of raising children in Islam ?