Latch and Sleep Baby

Has your toddler dropped their nap and now you are struggling?

Offering quiet time for your toddler can be a great way to provide them with a break from active play, encourage and help them learn to enjoy calm and solitary moments.
It is also a great time for you and them to reset once
they are not napping anymore!

Bedtime signifies a long period of separation from you for your little one and it can be tough. Some toddlers struggle to settle down for bed and it can bring on some delay tactics or full on meltdowns.

Here are 6 tips to help prepare your toddler for bedtime.

Some children can get a sudden burst of energy in the evening. Help your child get all their "wiggles" out before you settle down for the evening.
High energy games like hide and seek, rough housing, a dance party are great to get any energy out before they go to bed.

Before you start the bedtime routine, dim the lights in your living space, turn off the TV and tidy the toys away from the day.
This can also signify the end of the day/playtime for your toddler, Explain that it is time to quieten down before bed.

Have a consistent bedtime routine for your child. Steps that you repeat every night, a time that you reconnect and fill up their cup. Your bedtime routine is unique to your child and family.
Keep the timing of the bedtime routine to about 20-30mins.

If your child is struggling with night time separation, rather than focusing on the separation, focus on when you will reunite with them in the morning.
“I cannot wait to see you in the morning and have breakfast together”

Bedtime battles can happen for many reasons, but getting your child involved in their routine routine can help with giving them some autonomy. Create or buy action cards that demonstrate’s what is going to happen at each stage of bedtime.

Lastly reduce any stress you have around bedtime by TRYING to create a time of connection with your toddler, a time you all look forward to.

Finish the sentence 👇

I am a Bedsharing mum……..

Had to jump on this trend!

Let me know in the comments if you relate or your individual struggles 👇

Humans have been cosleeping since the dawn of time! We have always slept in communities and groups and in particular with our young. Why? because it was safe! and although it is unlikely we will be attacked by a wild animal in the night, sleeping feels vulnerable and it feels safest to be close to loved ones.

9 out of 10 parents cosleep with their baby and only 9% of parents actually plan to do it before their baby is born, and less than half of parents receive advice on how to do so safely! This is because of the stigma and fear-mongering surrounding cosleeping, many parents are too afraid or ashamed to consider sharing a bed with their baby. This lack of knowledge leads to unsafe cosleeping!

It is so important that all parents understand the basics of safe cosleeping and know where to find information once their baby is born. It is safer to plan and make bedsharing safe than to randomly bedshare with your baby.

So, let’s stop using the blank statement that cosleeping is dangerous.

Being the preferred caregiver is hard!

The only one who can feed and cuddle your baby to sleep, the one who has to carry them around all day, the one who has to cook and eat one handed, the one who is up all night feeding and soothing. I see you and I have been there!

Whilst this is typical and normal for babies and toddlers who spend more time with one parent and particularly if that parent is breastfeeding (as often this is a sleep association). It is so hard and can be exhausting. I see you, I feel you, I have been there and here are some tips on getting another caregiver involved 👇

Remember this behaviour is normal and it is not because your baby is clingy or too dependant on you.

What can you do?
For the purposes of this post I am using ‘dad’ as the identified ‘other caregiver’

Get dad involved from the start…
Even if you’re breastfeeding, Dad can do the bedtime routine, rock baby to sleep once baby is fed.
If available, Dad can settle baby for nap time. Whatever your situation is, get Dad involved from the very start. If you haven’t done this, start by slowly introducing them into the routine.

Get baby familiar with falling asleep in other ways so Dad has reliable associations to use to soothe baby.

Dad settles baby to sleep 1 or 2 nights a week, start a routine around it.

When baby wakes up, Dad attempts to resettle baby.
Prioritise quality time for baby and Dad, 20minutes of play, uninterrupted, lots of eye contact and focus on baby.

Do the bedtime routine together as a family and slowly reduce your input and let Dad take over, you can also do this when dad is attempting to get baby to sleep.

Remember you do not have to do this! These tips are for parents who want to make changes. As your baby grows s/he will naturally develop an attachment to Dad too and will settle with them. It depends on your baby’s personality when this will happen. So if you’re the only one able to settle baby BUT you’re happy then carry on there is no need to change anything.

TikTok · Maria - Latch and Sleep Baby 41 likes, 2 comments. “There is no secret! New-borns wake up and they are meant to. Why? First and most important it protects them against SIDS, new-borns are not meant to sleep for extended periods without waking. They have two sleep stages active and quiet sleep; their sleep cycles are short and...

Yes! this is called CLUSTER FEEDING and typical for new born and young infants usually occurring late afternoon and the evening.

Cluster feeding is very normal for breastfed babies. It is a time in the day when your baby will feed on and off for a few hours and space feeds close together, they might be a little fussy and hard to settle. It is sometimes followed by a longer sleep period than usual BUT not always!

Do not worry you are not doing anything wrong! It does not mean you have a low milk supply or that you have to supplement with formula. It is normal and can be the result of baby having an immature nervous system. It also could be the change in flow rate of milk in the evening, it can slow down which is quite frustrating for some babies.

If you are experiencing this, I would recommend putting your favourite TV show on, take your top off and baby’s clothes (skin to skin) and offer your breast like a buffet for baby, they can refill whenever they want.

You might not find the answer as to why your baby cluster feeds and it is usually a short phase, it may be that they just want to be held and cuddled which I think is a valid reason given that they are so vulnerable and dependant on us!

It is not normal for you baby to feed like this all day without periods of contentment and in this case I would recommend you get a feeding assessment and support.

Lots of parents bedshare with their babies, sometimes it is intentional and sometimes it is not. Some parents plan for it during pregnancy and some are certain they will never do it (that is until their baby is born )

Humans have been sleeping in close proximity with their infants for thousands of years, partly due to the fact that human infants are different to all primates and mammals and are developmentally so immature that they are completely dependent on their parents for survival.

I meet new parents every week in the newborn stage of their baby’s life and some have started bedsharing, some are doing it occasionally and some are not. What is the difference between the dyads that are bedsharing and that are not? in my experience it is usually how the baby is being fed (breastfed infants being more likely to bedshare) and the baby’s personality i.e. a baby that WILL not sleep alone for longer than 30minutes! I also meet lots of parents who have no choice but to bedshare, they are living in extreme poverty and are living in one room unable to afford a cot. There is sometimes no choice for some families.

Research was conducted on why parents bedshare and it found that breastfeeding dyads are more likely to share a bed and are at least occasional bedsharers, this is likely because it is easier and more convenient to nurse a baby when they are close. Mothers also reported wanting to be close to their baby and enjoying the contact, they also found It was more manageable to settle a fussy baby and they were more likely to do if it was culturally normal.

It really isn’t black or white with bedsharing, being in the position of supporting families in the newborn stage with safe sleep I can tell you most of families are cosleeping in some form for different reasons.



Did you PLAN to bedshare?

It is not recommended to bedshare with a baby and toddler due to risk of accidental overlaying and other risk factors, BUT for so many families this is their situation and for some they have no other option.

Firstly, it is important to follow the basics of safe sleep guidelines when it comes to bedsharing.

Baby sleeps on their back if under 1 years old

No smoking, drinking alcohol and taking drugs

Do not bedshare if your baby is premature (born before 37weeks old) or baby born under 2.5kg (low birth weight)

Keep parental pillows and duvets away from baby

On a safe surface

How to do it?

Place baby next to mother and not next to the other caregiver (not recommended before 4months). Ideally the toddler is on the other side and possibly (depending on space) next to the other caregiver.

OR

Place baby next to mother and toddler is on the other side

It is important to consider that this might not be the best solution in terms of optimising sleep for everyone. New babies are expected to wake up and feed at night 2-3hourly, they do not have a developed circadian rhythm yet. You might find yourself having to settle your baby AND your toddler.

Gentle alternatives

Continue to bedshare with toddler and place baby in a separate side crib

Toddler is in a separate sleep space in the same room, possible a floor bed or a side crib (not on the same side of baby),

Other caregiver bedshares with toddler and baby bedshares with mother

Personal experience: I bedshared with my baby and toddler when my baby was around 5months old and my toddler was 3, it was the only way we could sleep past 5am. My partner started work early morning and he was bedsharing with my daughter, so would bring her in next to me early morning and we bedshared for a couple of hours. Sometimes it was a sh*tshow, sometimes it was ok but it definitely was not something I would have considered all night.

Do you bedshare with your baby and toddler?