Living Life Forward

Today my son had a bad day, and much as I tried, I couldn’t lift his mood.  I felt as if I had failed.  Why? Because subconsciously, I believe that with a flick of the wrist I can use my magic wand and reset a moody teen and that it’s my responsibility to do so.  ⁣
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The result?⁣
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I owned my child’s mood.  🤨 How often do you do similar?⁣
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Here’s the truth.⁣
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You are not your teenager's mood.⁣
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You are not the shape and size of your body or the condition of your house or your child’s grade card.   You are not your accomplishments or your failures.⁣
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Here’s a good one…, you are not what you did today or what you didn’t do today.⁣
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You are not the number of likes on your post or the number of clients you signed up.⁣
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And you are certainly not what someone else wants you to be.⁣
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When last did you put aside time to consider who you are or how much of the real you is showing up in your day?  It’s only once you put circumstances, experiences, and other people’s ideas aside that will discover who that person is.⁣
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Don’t forget that.⁣
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Considering the size of a tennis court and the many options one has to hit a winning shot, reducing the options to less than an eighth of the court is frustrating.   The result of this exercise is that by forcing you to return to the same spot, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆.   There is also a narrower margin for success and hence you really must intensify your focus and work more deeply in that one area to succeed.⁣
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𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀?  You find yourself thinking that more knowledge and more options will give you more to work with.  Have you considered that this may be a stalling technique, a way of not committing to the task at hand?⁣
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𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝘂𝗿𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵, 𝗳𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱.  If you want to see the results and begin to move forward with clarity and commitment, you have to 𝗹𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀.  ⁣
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Focus on one area of your life that you want to improve and give it your undivided attention. No other options. No multitasking. And then, do the deep work. You will be surprised by the results. ⁣
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I was a bit stuck about how I could turn today’s tennis lesson into a life motivation.⁣
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As we were wrapping up, I asked Dale (my coach) for his Top Tip.⁣
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‘𝗧𝘄𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸’, is what he said. 🤔⁣
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You see, I’ve made tangible progress on my serve but having not worked on it for a while, I needed to take a step back and return to the basics – how and where to throw the ball, where I should stand, and where my arms should be at each stage. (Believe it or not, this is a ‘thing’!) The idea was to focus on the key foundational aspects that make serves a success. The small adjustment did the trick and by the end of the session I found myself far more confident.⁣
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And once again, the 𝗧𝘂𝗲𝘀𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗧𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗶𝘀 𝗧𝗶𝗽 proved useful.⁣
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I am currently buried in a mound of directionless ‘stuff’. I’m trying to grow a business but I’m not entirely sure what that business is yet. I’m comparing myself to people half my age who have a ton more business experience and have spent the last decade networking. My network has been Mom’s Whats App groups, hockey tournaments, football matches, dance classes and the A&E (because which child hasn’t been to A&E). I spend a fair chunk of my day questioning my confidence and wondering if I will ever have what it takes to succeed beyond anything other than being the families chief people pleaser. ⁣
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Does any of this resonate?⁣
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Are you feeling a bit directionless? Are you unsure of where you are headed? Do you need a bit more clarity? Is burnout or overwhelm an issue, or is your lack of confidence causing you a few wobbles? ⁣
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Perhaps it’s time to take a step back and focus on what you do know? Are you able to acknowledge and celebrate where you have come from? Are you able to take hold of what you know to be true about yourself, your values, your strengths and your skills and capabilities? How can you use these things to regain your balance and get you back to your place of confidence?⁣
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𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗽𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲, 𝗮 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝘀.⁣
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🎾 🎾 🎾 😉⁣
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Imagine a different future, a goal reached, an optimal outcome, or a little peace in the home.⁣
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Those feelings are worth striving for and can be attained through visualisation. I refer to it a lot because it was the catalyst for my own growth and success and for many I have worked with.⁣
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My trick is to 𝗽𝗼𝗰𝗸𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴.  In a sense, I take hold of something that isn’t mine yet … but could easily be.  And then 𝘐 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦.  Somehow what I am hoping to achieve becomes tangible and propels me in the right direction.⁣
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Obviously, I can’t visualise away the grey in my hair, or the lines that have suddenly appeared on my neck.  However, at the age of 51, I still find myself looking at Emma Raducanu and saying ‘when I grow up, I am going to play tennis like her’.  The word for that is ‘pretend’ and no amount of visualising is going to change that.  This I know to be true.⁣
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What I also know to be true is that focusing on possibilities and having ownership over them, encourages a sense of hope, aspiration, purpose, and a vision for a better version of yourself.   It can be the catalyst for a lot of positive change - all because you brought forward the good and positive of your own success.⁣
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This is not an antidote to fear, anxiety, uncertainty, or depression.  Instead, it’s an intentional step away from feelings that easily trap and cause you to get stuck.  ‘Think, feel, forward’ is about naming, claiming and believing in change.⁣
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Is there anything you are aspiring to?⁣
Do you have a goal that’s worth striving for?⁣
What do you want to achieve over the course of the next week, month or year?⁣
What’s the best outcome you can think of?⁣
How does that make you feel?⁣
What are you going to do with those feelings?⁣
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I suggest pocketing them and keeping them close.  The more you believe in that goal or aspiration, the more likely your thoughts and actions will align with them and the greater chance there is of it happening.⁣
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After a week of 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁, I’ve realised that I am no longer ‘walking my talk’ and it’s time to tweak some of my routines. ⁣
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It’s no good believing the science behind how our brains work and what we need to practice to gain clarity, stay aligned and succeed in reaching our goals, without taking action. I have fallen short in this area rather badly.⁣
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Today I have taken steps to 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝘁. I’m tired, listless, and needing to make some changes. What’s your reality right now? Is it serving you? Or is it time for you to have a ‘pep’ talk too? Being self-aware is key. Don’t wait until your battery is completely dead.⁣
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Re-defining 𝗽𝘂𝗿𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗲 is an important part of the reset. I’m pretending it’s January. What’s important to me? What am I hoping to achieve? What will success look like and how amazing am I going to feel when I get there? Are you still on track with your goals? Do you have clarity about your purpose?⁣
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An unhealthy habit that tends to creep in too frequently is that of ‘𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘀’. I have a terminal case of it. The effects are various and always negative. I push myself too hard to keep up, I begin to have negative thoughts about my abilities, I stop showing up and so the list goes on. My journey to success is different to anyone else’s. I’m owning it and I’m proud of it. How do you deal with ‘Comparisonitis’? Are you clear about who you are and what your individual strengths and skills are?⁣
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Lastly, I love and value myself enough to realise the importance of 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲. If I don’t choose to care for myself, to give myself the time, space, and support that I need, burnout is inevitable. My drive and determination will see me getting there every time. Are you showing yourself compassion? How does it match the care and compassion you give to others? Do you see the value in it for yourself?⁣
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Burnout is a beast, and we are all prone to it. Be kind to yourself.⁣
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(If any of the above resonates and you’d like to explore how coaching can benefit you, simply follow the link in the bio. A reset may be all you need.)⁣
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You may be someone who believes that 𝗩𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 is a bit 𝘞𝘰𝘰-𝘞𝘰𝘰. I belonged to that club.⁣
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or,

Visualisation may have been the key to some real growth in your life. That’s the club I belong to now.⁣
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Having spent a fair amount of time hiding in a box, I decided to climb out and imagine a world with possibilities. I saw myself in it.⁣
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Was it scary? Absolutely!⁣
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Did I lack confidence? 100%.⁣
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Was my head filled with limiting beliefs? For sure.⁣
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There were three key things that helped me on my journey.⁣
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𝟭. 𝗨𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘃𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.⁣
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𝟮. 𝗨𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘃𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗲𝗱.⁣
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𝟯. 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀.⁣
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If you’d like to read more about my Visualisation experience and how it transformed my life, then visit my website 👆🏻👆🏻(link in bio) and make your way to my blog. ⁣
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