20/12/2023
When I read this post, I could relate to it so much, although not because of the fear of speaking out. My voice has been loud. My energy and focus were dedicated to learning: reading, watching video material, researching, and listening. Then I began to march, sign petitions, write to my MP, share, talk, further learn, boycott, and each day there is something new I find I can do.
Although I can fall asleep at night, I struggle to get restful sleep. I toss and turn, wake up with my body feeling completely tense, and my jaws clenched, unable to relax. My body is in a constant state of anxiety and stress, and the flight mode is constantly on. My muscles are no longer able to relax; how could they? I make myself watch, read, and listen all that I can in a day about the genocide in Palestine, despite how unbearable it can be. I need to witness, I need to know and understand. It has become difficult to carry on with my own personal meditation and yoga āsana practices that have served me so well in the last year.
I cried uncontrollably so many times. At times, my legs did not hold me, and I would drop on the floor in the living room or in the bath under the shower, curled into a ball, feeling the pain, the suffering, the injustice—feeling for my fellow humans in Palestine. Feeling useless, not powerful enough to make a change, also knowing that this is an illusion—my efforts combined with others can make a change. Participating in Saturday's marches in London really helped me to feel that I hold power; we hold a collective power.
A few days ago, one of the dearest people to me reminded me what Palestine represents, and then the same reminder I also heard during last Saturday's Hackney Borough march in silence for Palestine. What is happening in Palestine feels so relevant to way too many. The men power is, in my personal opinion, the cause of most systems of oppression as we know them today. It's a parasite with its deep roots in Europe, created and infested all systems that underpin our day-to-day life: the economy, social contracts, legal and policing systems, finance, education, healthcare, government, to name a few.
The masks have been created to continuously uphold the power, to give just enough to 'regular' people to feel that our lives are good, they matter, we have rights, we are free, we are safe, we have opportunities, that our governments are pro-democracy, that 'never again' means something... but this is an illusion and only for those who are privileged to uphold such illusions.
The Cold War has never ended; empires and colonisers have never stopped playing their games. Countries are being exploited in the name of businesses and consumerism, people (of all ages) are being exploited, people are being killed, starved, r***d, discriminated, deprived, kicked out from their homes because of their , , , orientation, body, religion, ethnicity, among many others. All of which, by the way, are social constructs, not real—created by 'dominant power' to divide us, to create hatred, to manipulate, to create obedient citizens, and to continue to support the maintenance of systems.
Except the brutality of it all has been masked, presented in some nice packaging, blinding us from reality. Modern slavery and modern colonialism have never 'left the room.' We know it today through tourism, conservation, property development, exploitative labor, stealing of precious minerals and resources, police + legal + prison system. From , through food to , none of the sectors are immune. But the internet has started to break that mask; bit by bit, the veil has been lifting itself more and more with each horrible consequence of the toxic system we are part of; we are consciously and unconsciously complicit.
That mask is now off. I see , the , and the in their full glory. Not only because of the in but because of everything we have seen unfolding in those countries over many years but especially the last several years: a ban on abortion, attacks on + through legal and systemic tools of oppression, privatisation of the NHS, immigration policies, Brexit, Trump, ridiculous increase in living costs, rising homelessness, racist speeches out in the open on news, media, in government buildings, etc. France and the Netherlands are not far from the game with their hatred towards the Muslim community. And the list of countries can go on.
The mass scale of Western-infused propaganda is covered with the glaze of democracy and the glory of capitalism. And of course, there is plenty of non-western propaganda: Russian, China, local regimes in countries that have been destroyed by colonisers, to name a few.
Nobody is liberated; nobody truly lives a happy, content life. People live from paycheck to paycheck or from holiday to holiday, living on the streets, drowning in over-consumption of food, shiny things, unconsciously believing that owning things and materials brings some kind of happiness; people are drowning in various addictions (alcohol, drugs, work, excessive sport, etc.), experiencing mental health issues, suffering from various body health issues, insecurities, abusive relationships, not having a space to breathe and stop as life situations make them move fast, feeling lonely in a world that has billions of people, working in extreme conditions.
It does not matter who you are or where you come from; one way or another, you are oppressed even if you think you are not. But when you start really looking into what you have truly lost and who you could truly be if you would have ever had a chance to be who you are, tap into your natural abilities, grow up in a loving community, feeling safe both on your land and outside your land. Ufff... who could you be? If you have been taken care of, nurtured, and loved at home, accepted for who you are at home, at school, at work in your country, by your neighbouring countries... How would you relate and coexist with others?
I see and feel the interconnections between all of us, and I see that our individual struggles are collective struggles. I see the source of this struggle coming from the same place: white supremacist men power (with some exceptions, of course). My individual horrors that I went through in my life since I was a child and even last year when I was r***d and having to deal with a disappointment of policing and legal systems, they have the same perpetrator, and it is the same perpetrator that keeps the modern slavery and colonialism going. So I fight, I fight for Palestine, I fight for BLM, for anti-caste oppression, for people in Congo and South Asia who are being exploited, for my sibling Uyghur people who are going through a version of the genocide in China, for Indigenous Peoples in North and South America, Africa, South Asia, Australia, NZ, and many more; there are too many to name. Because their liberation is connected to my liberation. I see this moment as a critical moment of solidarity, unity, and cutting through the BS. This is the moment where anybody can take at least one action, one action that can make a significant impact. This is the moment to find inner strength, to look very openly at who we are, with compassion, honesty, and sincerity. It is the moment to gather the strength needed to move from being immobile, disconnected, and afraid, and to face and take the step — the step of reshaping your own and our collective future.
I can't sleep
I can't sleep. I'm lying in bed every night, and images of Gaza are running through my head. Fathers holding their babies, dead, caked in dust. Bombs dropped on homes [1], on hospitals [2], on schools [3]. Tens of thousands of dead [4] in indiscriminate bombings [5]. Children crying, pulling