Carly Steel

I spent years believing I looked more professional with straight hair.

Looking back, I think it was part of a much bigger pattern.

Many autistic women learn early which parts of themselves are accepted and which parts attract attention. So we smooth, hide and edit ourselves to fit in.

Hair is just one example.

The question isn't whether curly hair is professional, but why we felt we had to change it in the first place.

Did anyone else get this message growing up?

Transitions don't start in September.

They start over weeks or months beforehand.

A little preparation now can make a huge difference later.

I've put together a free guide:
10 Steps to a Smoother Transition for Neurodivergent Children.

Comment TRANSITION and I'll send it over.

If you'd like a deeper dive into transition planning, including reasonable adjustments, SEND law, working with schools and practical strategies to reduce anxiety and overwhelm, you'll find details of my Transition Planning Workshop via the link in my bio.

One of the biggest mistakes I see is parents waiting for school to handle the transition to the next classroom, teacher or even a school move.

Schools can play an important role, but they only see a small part of the picture.

You know your child best.

The most successful transitions usually happen when parents, schools and the child work together, with support starting long before September arrives.

That's why I've created a free guide:

10 Steps to a Smoother Transition for Neurodivergent Children

It covers practical, neuroaffirming strategies to help reduce anxiety, overwhelm and uncertainty before a transition takes place.

Comment TRANSITION below and I'll send it to you.

I love this!

It has helped me so much ❤️

Sometimes neurodivergent girls get praised for things that are actually signs they’re struggling. In consultations I hear these a lot:

“She’s so mature for her age.”
“She never causes trouble.”
“She’s very independent.”
“She’s so polite.”
“She copes really well at school.”
“She’s such a perfectionist.”
“She’s happy on her own.”

But often these can reflect:
• masking
• hypervigilance
• people-pleasing
• anxiety
• fear of getting things wrong
• shutting down needs
• exhaustion from trying to fit in and fear of rejection or bullying.

Many girls learn very early that being easy, quiet, helpful or high-achieving keeps them safe and accepted.

A child looking “fine” externally doesn’t always mean they feel fine internally. And this one of the themes for my talk at the Autism and ADHD Show in London 2026.

Hope to see you there.

Controversial opinion:
Being neurodivergent doesn’t mean everything we do is harmless.

Impulsivity, bluntness, shutdowns, defensiveness, rejection sensitivity… sometimes people get hurt.

Accountability without shame is the goal. Not “I’m a terrible person.”
or “that’s just how I am.”

Somewhere in between with accountability, responsibility and repair...without the spiral or distancing.

It sounds simple...it's not. Too easily the person can fall into thinking everything is their fault and they are the problem. That's highly unlikely to be true.

I'm absolutely not saying that the people around you shouldn't be understanding and accommodating. It's all about balance.

Share you experiences.

I think a lot of neurodivergent people were taught that boundaries are rude.

So we say yes when we’re overwhelmed and we don't want to upset people.

A huge part of self advocacy is realising: “I actually am allowed to say no to things that dysregulate me.”

Not everything has to be tolerated just because other people find it normal.

This comes up so much in my work with neurodivergent adults and young people.

What do you want to know about neurodivergent burnout?