EQTutors

Treating every student as an end in and of themselves, not a means to an end, is embedded in the Equilibrium pedagogy that EQTutors applies for educational outcomes. If you’d like to know more, just get in touch. Here are some thoughts from one of the founders of EQTutors.

“People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. Most of our troubles come from the fact that we love things, and use people.” Martin Buber

I remember learning the deeper meaning behind Namaste many moons ago.

It actually means “I see you”. I mean, I REALLY really see you. Like I am actually seeing you - not projecting into you, not assuming stuff about you, not hoping or fearing or any of that fog. "The divine in me recognizes the divine in you" is how I have heard it put. What a wonderful way to greet another human being - But what an incredibly hard thing to do! Particularly when working with people who are suffering, anxious, or afraid.

I think all life deserves the respect of being seen, don’t you? Objectifying animals allows us to eat them and treat them with a level of cruelty no one would countenance if they actually had a relationship with that animal. Objectifying our ideological opponents allows us to belittle and abuse them without listening or considering what useful truths might be lurking somewhere in their world. Objectifying human beings allows us to call them students, teachers, soldiers, civilians, workers, unemployed, citizens, illegals, successful, unsuccessful, smart, stupid, bosses, blue collar, white collar, democrats, republicans, the list is endless. Once assigned a category, we can more easily disassociate and assign them to a schema that relieves us of the burden of really seeing them. Really considering them. Really listening to them. It all becomes a bit lonely after while.

The quote “People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. Most of our troubles come from the fact that we love things, and use people” is often mis-attributed to the Dalai Lama or MLK. In fact it is a paraphrase from I and Thou (1923) by philosopher and religious scholar Martin Buber. It is a reference to the way that we all define ourselves through our relationships with the world around us.

The Internet Encyclopaedia of Philosophy explains Burber’s concept thusly;

The “I-Thou” relation is the pure encounter of one whole unique entity with another in such a way that the other is known without being subsumed under a universal. Not yet subject to classification or limitation, the “Thou” is not reducible to spatial or temporal characteristics. In contrast to this the “I-It” relation is driven by categories of “same” and “different” and focuses on universal definition. An “I-It” relation experiences a detached thing, fixed in space and time, while an “I-Thou” relation participates in the dynamic, living process of an “other.” Buber characterizes “I-Thou” relations as “dialogical” and “I-It” relations as “monological.”

Why is this important in therapy, tutoring and mentoring?

Well fundamentally, you have the privilege of a one to one relationship which affords the luxury of really engaging with the human being in front of you. The challenge I see is that too often,professional training and perhaps even an undermining sense of our own inadequacy drives us to quickly stuff the person we dealing with into a convenient box - projecting something of a existential fixed mindset about the person, onto the person. Perhaps it manifests as perceiving failure to progress as confirmation of their inadequacy, or believing that their diagnosis or categorisation negates the need for us to really engage and problem solve with them, because our training or experience is giving us a clear path forward. Whenever we categorise, or scale, or apply general principles to a specific situation, we run the risk of treating people like things. I believe this also puts us in moral and ethical peril of treating the person in front of us as a means to an end, not an end in and of themselves. And aren’t we then just modelling the sort of behaviour we are all too often trying to help others escape from?

I say this as someone who has found themselves overwhelmed and very aware of my own inadequacy in so many situations. My own anxieties feel such relief when my research or consultations with those more qualified, experienced and wise, reveal a previously veiled well trodden path that relates to the symptoms or challenges of the person I am working with. But ultimately, I think this doesn’t just provide me with the reassurance that there is a way to progress. It also has the consequence of tempting me to disengage somewhat, and rely on that well worn path as some kind of panacea, which it rarely is. That anxiety I felt was actually forcing me to listen, and think. It was pushing me towards problem solving beyond the application of a generalised probabilistic approach, and actually deal with the person in front of me in a Socratic manner (two human beings together acknowledging an ignorance, may discover a truth). Avoiding that anxiety can be dressed up as professionalism I suppose, but it also denies me the opportunity to be a human being too. I become a “teacher” or a “tutor or a “mentor”, and now both myself and my client are alone again.

It’s super hard to balance the “I-It” which allows us to think objectively, with total rationality in even the most emotionally fraught of situations, with the “I-You” which allows us to connect as human beings, and for the person in front of you to feel compassion, build rapport and trust, experience the sensation that they are not alone, and cultivate the hope that companionship brings to all of us when our own reservoirs are empty. I worry that increasingly this equation of “I-It” and “I-You” is seen as a zero sum situation, where an increase in one, must somehow lead to a decrease in the other. Equilibrium isn’t about diminishing things. It’s about bringing things into balance, often by increasing the areas that are lacking, while also encouraging those areas that are already strong. If we go to the gym with a weak left arm, the gym instructor will not suggest we stop exercising our right arm while the left arm is built up. Or forget about sleep and exercise when focussing on building up that left arm. Life is holistic, nothing exists in isolation. So in terms of “I-It” and “I-You”, it’s about increasing one MORE than the other, without diminishing either. A win-win if you like.

Keeping that holistic perspective is something that has become more intuitive for me over the years. Initially it was a real discipline that I had to actively keep front of mind. In remedial tutoring especially, the key is to not create opportunity cost elsewhere while doing focussed work on one targeted area. In emotional work, there’s a similar pitfall. Focussing exclusively on the challenge can sometimes result in people forgetting how amazing they are in other areas, or how this particular issue is not the only thing in their lives. Perhaps more importantly, if an issue is affecting all the other areas of their lives, then logically speaking, those other areas of their lives must have consequence in the areas they are focussing on.

For me, Equilibrium is about trying to engage a pluralistic approach to progress. A bit like those jugglers who spin plates. It’s about keeping all the balls in the air when you can, and being aware of those balls you have had to drop, as at some point, they will need picking up again. In the theoretical world we have the luxury of assuming ceteris paribus, or isolating a specific challenge without worrying about the effect this has on other elements and areas. In the real world, it’s not like that is it. It’s more a game of multi dimensional Jenga played with finely balanced dominoes, that demand individual treatment while also knocking down their nearest companions, triggering long waves of collapse that tail off well over the horizon. So the idea that I can work with someone without putting their authentic subjective insight of their own experience of their own process at the front of my practise is bananas isn’t it? The idea that I can simply suggest a remedy and walk away, even more nuts. Isn’t that just using a fellow human being to prove my own hubris and support my own conveniences?

I like the Buddhist concept that all life is connected. It means that when I help you, I help me, and when I hurt you, I hurt me too. And when I see you - I see myself. After all, if, as dear old Bill Hicks put it, we are all one energy experiencing itself subjectively, it’s ok to care, and it’s ok to have someone else care for you - isn’t it?

Often, when you ask a student what their favourite subject is, they will actually end up telling you who their favourite teacher is/was. In other words, we often do not differentiate between out learning experience and the actual subject itself. Makes total sense when you think about it - but consider the consequence of having a bad learning experience taint your perspective on a subject you may well be able to excel in.

EQTutors consider the emotional perspective and apply emotional intelligence to developing bespoke learning approaches for their students. EQTuors also understand the neuroscience behind the lived experiences we all have. Having insight into how your own perspectives will affect which neurotransmitters your body reacts to stimuli with, and being able to separate feelings from behaviour can make a huge difference to the educational experience of a student.

If you want to know more,get in touch…

Learning anything requires the curiosity, motivation and confidence to build a “learning bridge” from the safety of what you know, into the empty space of what you don’t know.

EQTutors believe that the specific details needed to build this bridge are unique to every student.

All EQTutors are trained to identify the pedagogical strands that must be present for any learning bridge to be built effectively.

EQTutors always start with the emotional perspective of the student, before moving into the cognitive, neurological and contextual specifics of each individual’s learning habits. Once the student’s personal “learning bridge” has been identified, it provides a methodology that the student can take ownership of, and effectively apply to approach all learning.

By ensuring all students have both conceptual and emotional resonance with a new topic or skill, both confidence and competence is increased.

If you would like to know more about the techniques used by EQTutors, get in touch.

Perspective is an interesting beast isn’t it. There’s a good reason why none of the institutions that rely on trained animals employ punishment or fear based systems in their pedagogy. Conditioning kids to see education as a ‘necessary evil’ instead of a valuable opportunity to exercise curiosity and explore the world, has far reaching effects into later life. EQTutors apply emotional intelligence to help students react positively to negative or anxiety inducing situations. Once you’ve got a constructive or empowered perspective on things - even the greatest of challenges can become an adventure worth engaging with.

Part of training to be an EQtutor involves understanding the basics of not just standards like Bloom’s Taxonomy, but also how to apply a remedial loop and adapt your teaching to the emotional, cognitive, academic and contextual needs of your student. AI is also helping to develop adaptive learning systems in amazing ways, as this article nicely illustrates. What is interesting is that the ability to change the the pace, perspective, tone and contextualise are all fundamentals that any good teacher applies on a daily basis. Research has shown that tutors and teachers who use a lot of figurative language, be it metaphor or simile, are much more effective at helping students to emotionally resonate and connect with new topics that might otherwise remain quite abstract and inaccessible. It’s an amazing and brilliant time to be involved in education. Have a read a let us know your thoughts below.

Oh, and Happy New Year everyone. We wish you a 2025 that brings out the very best in you and yours.

This AI tutor could make humans 10 times smarter, its creator says As teacher gaps widen around the globe, AI tutors could help address the issue. One such tool, Squirrel Ai, is helping students in China with lessons tailored to their exact needs.

“This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. Being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”

~George Bernard Shaw

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41390-024-03243-y

Super interesting study shows what we all I think already knew - kids mirror their parents in so many ways. One trick is to always have a book nearby, and when your child comes in, don’t have a phone or iPad in your hand, have a book there instead. Small signals close the gap between “do what I say” and “do what I do” and make change an act of inspiration, not just discipline.

EQTutors are trained to model the behaviours they are seeking to embedd and cultivate. When I was a teacher, I never understood the logic in shouting at a class of children to “shut up”, or how some teachers expected kids to be interested in work that the teacher is clearly not.

If you want your kids to have passion, be passionate. If you want them to listen, then listen to them. If you want them to read more, then read more yourself.

Education is as much about identity as it is about intellect.

Keep on keeping on and have a great day :)

Associations between media parenting practices and early adolescent screen use - Pediatric Research To assess the prevalence of various media parenting practices and identify their associations with early adolescent screen time and problematic social media, video game, and mobile phone use. Cross-sectional data from Year 3 of the Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development (ABCD) Study (2019–2022) th...

Super interesting and surprising results in this trial. Makes it clear that there’s a lot of work to be done in how best to apply the psychological perspective in schools. Along with most other educators, EQTutors has seen a rise in levels of anxiety among our students and we work hard to apply coaching and mentoring skills to help remedy issues like school avoidance and exam performance anxiety. So this study is indeed food for thought. We would love to hear your opinions on the subject…

Study highlights potential adverse effects of universal school-based mental health programs An Australian study found that the WISE Teens program, based on Dialectical Behavior Therapy, failed to improve mental health in high school students, even worsening relationships and emotional well-being compared to a control group.

Useful…

Harvard researchers explain how our brains skim information—and how to actually get people’s attention Busy readers aim to extract as much value as possible from a communication with as little time and attention as possible.

So the Department of Education just posted this. While this is undoubtedly true, it isn’t a great message to get from a government department responsible for the very system they seem to be trying distance themselves from.

Perhaps if they spent as much time doing their actual job, and finding ways to evolve our antiquated pedagogy of standardised testing, as they do trying to excuse the outcomes of the system they are responsible for, our students would not need this sort of reassurance?

It’s rather like having a savings bank tell me that the money I have saved does NOT in fact have any real value in the future, and given the rather measly return, perhaps I’d have been better off investing my hard earned cash in something more productive.

I give them a D for Effort and an E for achievement.

A message to everyone getting their exam results today.

Written in response to a request for some mentoring advice. The individual asking was young, unemployed and feeling super demotivated and stuck. They asked for advice on how to approach the challenge of finding work, deciding on a career, and generally building a life. They specifically felt that not having a ‘passion’ or ‘talent’ was something that was somehow holding them back, as a lot of the advice they were being given at the time revolved around discovering their ‘talent’ and following their ‘passion’ as a first step.

What dreams are made of…

I think there’s a bit of a bu****it collective delusion that’s been going on since happiness became some kind of weird entitlement that people with clean running water started chasing as a meaning for life.

Firstly, the idea that passion must be present for a good life. That somehow you have to find your talent and live this ‘life less ordinary’ in order to reach your own potential. This is the stuff of movies and sit-coms. Sure - it’s always good to do stuff and enjoy doing it - but at some point, everything requires consistency, graft and just cracking on with it. There is actually a deeper sense of achievement and self-actualisation to be found in progress and overcoming adversity that those waiting for their own ‘special destiny’ to arrive often miss. Waiting for perfection can be frustrating as an individual becomes disenchanted with concepts like ‘work ethic’ or ‘self-discipline’, believing things would be ‘easy’ - if only they could find their path. In reality, we get a great deal out of figuring things out, that easily achieved goals just doesn’t deliver. One of the key benefits is resilience, which is an earned life skill, not a learned life skill.

We can in fact start off feeling ‘passionless’ in terms of the specific thing we have the opportunity to do, but develop passion in the process of doing it, and end up being really really good at that thing. In some ways, caring less allows one the space to make better choices when compared to someone who is so ‘precious’ about their activities that everything is just too personal to really see it as it is, or take on board useful additions like criticism or advice. So a bit of emotional space between you and the process isn’t always a bad thing. It can actually help.

I also loathe that cliche that should we follow our talent, we will never work a day in our life. That’s total bo****ks! I was a musician for years. Loved it. And worked harder and for longer and with greater intensity than any of my friends who worked in jobs they liked less than I loved mine. Passion will drain you if you are not careful. It can create friction if the intensity of the passion overcomes the pragmatism needed to progress.

I strongly believe that HOW we do things counts for far more than WHAT we are doing. So having a passion for something isn’t a prerequisite - passion can develop once you commit and work hard at something too. So please don’t wait for passion before starting to apply yourself to an opportunity. Passion is not exclusively a prerequisite for excellence; it can also be an outcome. I get the feeling that Steve Jobs and outliers like him would have made amazing shoes, or kites, or fountain pens, if they had decided to do that instead. It wasn’t WHAT they were doing that made the difference, it was HOW they were doing it that made the difference.

The challenges your correspondence mentioned with motivation tie into this too. We don’t need commitment and discipline to do anything that we actually already wanted to do. So to wait for something one wants to do is akin to avoiding any task that requires willpower or self-motivation. Self-motivation just requires personal willpower. It’s like the turbo for motivation. Perhaps think about it like this; Can courage exist without the presence of fear? Think about it. Courage is a reaction to fear isn’t it. If we are not afraid - why would we need to be brave? The same is true of commitment and discipline. These qualities are only relevant when we are faced with something we would rather not do (like going for a run on a wet cold and windy day at dawn, or signing up at yet another employment agency), or when we need to stop doing something that we would prefer to be doing (like smoking a joint and staying up late watching YouTube when there’s an interview early the next morning). And in a way - this idea that we should all be motivated and enthusiastic at our core is another of these bu****it stories that have come out of movies. It’s always uncomfortable to exert discipline and commitment. That’s why it is so respected by others. If anyone is looking for a way to be disciplined and committed that does not involve being uncomfortable, well that’s like trying to swim without getting wet! In common with ALL successful life on earth, human beings are designed to conserve energy. Like running water, we are naturally attracted to the easiest, most energy efficient route from the mountains to the ocean. We also enjoy feeling in control though. So many people (particularly in the professional sphere) end up retrospectively cobbling together a narrative to justify and explain a life that has largely been the consequence of opportunity and timing. I am not suggesting that a lot of people don’t work extremely hard. Just saying that we all struggle with it at times. No shame in that. Perhaps if more people felt comfortable sharing their struggles, we’d be less inclined to feel alone when we ourselves struggle.

And please please remember - we are all in this together. There is far more that connects us than separates us. So if you feel like most people are having an easier time of it than you - that’s probably because most people are faking it. The majority of people feel the way that you feel, but more often than not, they are lees likely to feel as comfortable admitting it. Many folks tend to use self-discipline and concepts like manners or peer perception as a reason to keep their struggles from being too visible or becoming their master. So often the only people we hear of who are struggling, are really drowning in it, and just can’t keep up appearances anymore. But that doesn’t mean they are the only ones.

So think of it like this perhaps:
You don’t need motivation if you’ve got willpower - and willpower is a choice. A personal choice. Will power is literally your personal power in life, in its rawest form. Choose to exercise it and you’ll find other more positive and helpful traits will start kicking in. My dad used to tell me ‘action creates action'. In other words - don’t wait for a perfect moment, and don’t wait for motivation. Just endeavour to start working hard at whatever is at hand, NOW, using self-discipline, willpower and determination as your driving forces. Do that, and I genuinely believe that ‘motivation’ will follow. The hidden bonus of course is that once you get the hang of that particular trick, you can transplant that same process into other areas. So perhaps start off with cleaning your room every evening before you go to bed. Or doing a few stretches and push-ups in the morning. Or just setting an alarm when you don’t need to; it all strengthens your ability to act at a time of your own choosing. Of course, once you start to see your willpower manifesting itself as clearer living spaces, stronger arms and more time to do stuff during the day, you’ll be able to harness that momentum elsewhere. The point here is to start somewhere you CAN start. Always seek progress, not perfection.

I think the comments above can also apply to the concept of laziness. Think of it as a form of ‘locus of control’ and notice how often we all delegate responsibility to external factors that rarely line up as neatly as we’d like, and then use this ‘failure’ of the world to act as we would wish, as an excuse not to take responsibility for our own internal factors, factors which we can actually do something about! It’s a form of avoidance I suppose. It’s always easier to have potential than it is to reach it.

Maybe ‘lazy’ (or similarly prejudiced words that describe inaction) is better thought of as an energy saving response to specific stimuli. It’s not a character trait in and of itself. Layers upon layers of habits are collectively resulting in this reaction. The good news is that behaviour can be changed can’t it. Mostly by choosing to no do stuff the way you’re currently doing it. Read a new book. Watch a new documentary. Take some new advice. Look at how people who are getting stuff done operate and copy them. But the point is - if you want to change something, you can. It just takes that initial step and momentum will build. The even better news is that if you are so frustrated by things that you have had the courage to put pen to paper and express that frustration by reaching out to find a potential solution, then you are already a good few steps down the right road.

The unemployment thing sucks. I know that feeling. But it’s also a cart and horse thing isn’t it? Those crucial habits of discipline that ultimately manifest themselves in achievement and progress can be approached by doing the afore mentioned press-ups or taking a run every morning. Cleaning your living space. Cooking healthy. Keeping your word. Keeping your appearance clean and sharp. Reading something educational or challenging every day. All that seemingly innocuous stuff accumulates into an attitude that makes getting a job just a little bit easier. Of course - getting a good job is never easy - but if you keep yourself tight and focussed habitually - that comes across at interview and helps at least.

Bottom line. Don’t wait for a perfect moment. Don’t believe that everyone else has it better or easier. Whatever is going on - this IS your life - so perhaps don’t make excuses for it - find reasons to make it work. And slowly, inch by inch, it WILL change - until enough habits accumulate and you find yourself with a different perspective, and then that perspective becomes an experience, and that process starts to build up a momentum of its own that will inevitably create a change in your circumstances. And here’s the good bit, the more times you crack on when you don’t feel like it, the more times you take a knock and refuse to let it keep you down, the more resilience you develop. As I said before, resilience is an earned skill, not a learned one, and once you’ve accumulated enough of it, it becomes a question of WHEN, not IF, you’ll get to where it is you end up wanting to go. Action creates action. It’s the process we all live every day isn’t it.

You yourself have got to give it a go though. No one can do it for you. Anyone who suggests there’s a quick fix or an easy way is lying to you, and probably wants some money in exchange for their ‘secret’. It seems to be an increasingly common phenomena, to offer simple solutions to complex issues is how snake oil salesmen operate. They exploit frustration and anxiety and harness it to their own ends. Expectations of a passion-filled easy life that doesn’t require commitment and discipline would make anyone bitter, because it’s creating a utopia that can never, ever, be achieved. Being unemployed sucks, but we are never powerless, no matter how much it might feel that way. Unemployment can be as temporary as your efforts to get a job make it. Sounds like condescending bo****ks I know. But it’s the only way I got out of that particular cul du sac myself. Just went at it until something stuck.

On top of that - even when a quick fix appears to be effective, it comes with hidden pitfalls. Luck is a terrible master, and a wholly unnecessary one given the power of human will and endeavour. In my opinion, lottery tickets create way more problems than they fix - and while waiting for a winning ticket to arrive is a risk - expecting one to be delivered without making the effort to even buy one isn’t just a risk - its the expectation of a miracle, and cultivates a perspective of entitlement that can only be disappointed. And disappointment that things are the way they actually are, isn’t just depressing - it’s debilitating to action and purpose. So try and see things as they are. Not as you wished they were, or how you fear them to be. But as they truly are. And remember you have way more control in all of this than you might feel at this present moment.

You are a human being. You have value. Who you are is important. But more important is how you react to stuff. I think that for you, its really about getting to it and then adapting as things start to gain momentum. It’s simply amazing how things progress once you’ve got a bit of momentum going. I also suggest you don’t think on it too much. Don’t say it - Do it (as my dad would say). Try and aim for productivity and progress, not perfection or that moment of absolute certainty that may never arrive.

Dreams are realised every day, but they tend to evolve slowly into the real world. They tend to be woven on a tapestry of smaller, less enticing and less engaging stuff, and they tend to manifest for those who are the most resilient, not the most talented.

And finally, please please remember how amazing YOU are! I mean, really take a minute and remember who YOU are. In your bones. Outside of circumstance. Outside of the hopes and fears and trials and tribulations of the “NOW”. Remember how simply amazing you are. As a human. As a person. As YOU! Without that knowledge, you’ll be looking for validation for ever.

Good luck.