Mark Alder Coaching

Following recent (global) political alignments, statements and gestures by certain social media platform owners, I will no longer be a subscriber to their various products.

Despite the inconvenience this may cause me and those I interact with, I cannot remain congruent with my beliefs and values by remaining.

I’d be delighted to receive a telephone call, email, or written correspondence instead of other forms of communication.

This message will remain for 24 hours then the accounts will be deleted.

Thank you for your friendship and support.

Over and out.

Mark Alder

Understanding the Link Between Anger Management and Coercive Control.

Anger is a healthy feeling that we all experience, but when it crosses the line into coercive control, it can have devastating effects on relationships and lives.

Rather simplistically, coercive control is a pattern of behaviour where one person uses manipulation, intimidation, and other tactics to dominate and control their partner.

As an anger management coach, I’ve seen firsthand how unhealthy anger can contribute to coercive control. But it’s crucial to understand that coercive control is not just about unhealthy anger ~ it’s about the misuse of power to control another person.

Here are a few signs that your anger might be crossing into coercive control:

1️⃣ Constant Monitoring: Do you frequently check your partner’s messages, emails, or whereabouts?

2️⃣ Isolation: Do you try to isolate your partner from friends or family?

3️⃣ Emotional Manipulation: Do you use guilt, blame, or emotional blackmail to get what you want?

4️⃣ Intimidation: Do you use threats or aggressive behaviour to instil fear?

5️⃣  Gaslighting: Do you try to diminish their perceptions, memory, or sanity?

If you recognise these behaviours in yourself, it’s time to 🛑Stop and 🤔Think. Reflect on the impact your actions have on your partner and seek help.

Anger management is not simply about controlling your temper ~ it’s also about understanding the root causes of your anger and finding healthier ways to express it.

By addressing these behaviours before it’s too late, you can create healthier, more respectful relationships.

☠️ IMPORTANT NOTE: Be aware that coercive control is a criminal offence. If you or someone you know needs support, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help.

🤬 F*ck The Consequences!!!

🧐 Think about when your anger gets triggered...

🫣 What happens in the moment before your feelings get hi-jacked?

😇 😈 You may notice one voice inside your head that whispers ‘don’t forget the consequences’, and another that shouts ‘f*ck the consequences’!

🧠 Being emotionally agile allows the feelings to come knocking at our door and for us to notice, stop and wait, sit in the discomfort they bring, explore the message, look at the bigger picture and respond with clarity and kindness.

Otherwise... well, we’re all too aware of the consequences.

Anger Positive @ markaldercoaching.com

Understanding the Link Between Anger Management and Coercive Control.

Anger is a healthy feeling that we all experience, but when it crosses the line into coercive control, it can have devastating effects on relationships and lives.

Rather simplistically, coercive control is a pattern of behaviour where one person uses manipulation, intimidation, and other tactics to dominate and control their partner.

As an anger management coach, I've seen firsthand how unhealthy anger can contribute to coercive control. But it's crucial to understand that coercive control is not just about unhealthy anger ~ it's about the misuse of power to control another person.

Here are a few signs that your anger might be crossing into coercive control:

1️⃣ Constant Monitoring: Do you frequently check your partner's messages, emails, or whereabouts?

2️⃣ Isolation: Do you try to isolate your partner from friends or family?

3️⃣ Emotional Manipulation: Do you use guilt, blame, or emotional blackmail to get what you want?

4️⃣ Intimidation: Do you use threats or aggressive behaviour to instil fear?

5️⃣ Gaslighting: Do you try to diminish their perceptions, memory, or sanity?

If you recognise these behaviours in yourself, it's time to 🛑Stop and 🤔Think. Reflect on the impact your actions have on your partner and seek help.

Anger management is not simply about controlling your temper ~ it's also about understanding the root causes of your anger and finding healthier ways to express it.

By addressing these behaviours before it's too late, you can create healthier, more respectful relationships.

☠️ IMPORTANT NOTE: Be aware that coercive control is a criminal offence. If you or someone you know needs support, don't hesitate to reach out for professional help.

🤬 F*ck The Consequences!!!

🧐 Think about when your anger gets triggered...

🫣 What happens in the moment before your feelings get hi-jacked?

😇 😈 You may notice one voice inside your head that whispers 'don't forget the consequences', and another that shouts 'f*ck the consequences'!

🧠 Being emotionally agile allows the feelings to come knocking at our door and for us to notice, stop and wait, sit in the discomfort they bring, explore the message, look at the bigger picture and respond with clarity and kindness.

Otherwise... well, we're all too aware of the consequences.

Anger Positive @ markaldercoaching.com

😎 I have no desire to take your anger away. That would not only be foolish, but impossible.

😳 Even if I could take your anger away, it would leave you without one of the four essential feelings that we are born with.

👹 That said, I can help you control your anger rather than it control you... and everyone else who feels the brunt.

🏆 Healthy anger helps keeps us safe and allows us to focus upon and achieve difficult goals.

✅ Healthy anger is often a contributor to greater success. Healthy anger gets things done!

🙄 Why continue suffering from unhealthy anger when you can turn your Anger Positive?

😱 Some of us fear we’ll lose our identity if we seek anger management therapy. Fear rises the more identified we are with our ego, so, the less we identify with who we truly are.

🎭 We are so acquainted and comfortable with the mask we’ve created that to lose it would make us vulnerable. To appear vulnerable will make us weak, and if we appear weak then we will be taken advantage of.

❌ Not a bit of it!

🗡🛡Some of us have an inner warrior that keeps us safe but, sometimes the warrior takes control. It needn’t be this way.

🔗 Get to know your inner warrior so you know which part of you they represent. Make them a friend and ally that you can call upon when you need them and not simply let them be your mask.

🦉 Understand the warrior power and how it serves you (and how it does not). Use this power proportionally at all times.

💢 Anger is part of you and that’s completely natural, but YOU need to be in control.

🤗 Anger does not trump vulnerability and never will.

I'm right. They're wrong. That's it!

The word vindicated, which comes from the Latin word vindicatus, originally meant "to avenge or revenge".

We may very well be 'right' in a given situation, yet being addicted to it; requiring another person to capitulate or validate our standpoint; loving the dopamine hit we get from being proved 'right', can be a hefty price to pay.

An inability to move forward in a situation when difficult feelings lead to complex emotions often precludes growth and progress. With emotional agility comes the capacity for 'both - and' reasoning, rather than the rigidity of 'either- or' thinking.

Having a greater understanding of our feelings and emotions allows us to embrace the vulnerability required to accept ourselves and our opinions... and also accept the myriad different perspectives of others.

I provide a safe, confidential, non-judgmental space for those who wish for less conflict and more accord.

What is it that may benefit you from speaking with me?

www.markaldercoaching.com

Alexithymia is a term to describe the inability to understanding feelings and experience emotions.

In Greek, it loosely translates to “no words for emotion.”

It is estimated that 1 in 10 people has alexithymia.

If you would like a deeper understanding of our feelings and the emotions our bodies generates from them, simply get in touch at www.markaldercoaching.com

Dramatising or catastrophising a situation or event is simply proof of our addiction to suffering.

We are free to choose something different.

Guided conversations towards a preferred future at www.markaldercoaching.com