Bill Browne - Direction Coach

Deleting all the codes...

So much of our world is built on code.

Codes of conduct, code of ethics, the green cross code…

The technology we use is built on codes that, if my limited understanding is correct, can feed into a larger algorithm or process.

If these codes fail to work then a developer can use their knowledge to read them and adjust them accordingly.

The system comes back up, the feed returns and we all give a sigh of relief…

But, what about our codes?

A lot of what we think, say and do is driven by our unconscious minds.

Our unconscious minds contain our values and beliefs which directly impact how we see and experience the world.

These things drive thoughts which drive feelings which drive action.

Can these be seen as our codes and if so how do we go about changing them?

I think the first step, like the developer, is to look at them to understand what they are trying to do and what’s driving them.

We need to become more aware of them. We need to get our conscious mind to focus on what our unconscious mind is doing.

We need to do the work as always with an open mind.

In gaining that awareness we might find that actually the code needs to remain as it’s driven by one of our core values, is a force of good and needs to be accepted.

Alternatively, we might find what’s triggering the code to run is a belief we no longer want or need. The question then is what do we want that belief to be instead?

Where to start?

If something is bothering you sit with it and ask yourself what you’re feeling and think about what thought is driving it and why. Is it a value or a belief?

Do it in a way that suits you. Think and walk, think and write, think and talk.

Just make time to think.

If we decide to change a code it may well have a knock-on effect to others. It may result in the whole algorithm changing in time.

Then all the original codes are deleted.

Then you’re not that person you know now.

Take your time, change the codes that move you towards what you want, keep the codes that make you you.

Inspiration: “Wake me up” by Foals
“Deleting all the codes. No, I’m not that man you know.”

The man in me will hide sometimes to keep from being seen.

I’ve had a lot of moments in my life where I’ve hidden the real me. Hidden what I’ve thought, felt and wanted.

It was all self-inflicted due to getting myself in situations I didn’t really want to be in. That’s on me.

I hid due to fear of what others may think, fear I might upset them or that they wouldn’t like the real me. I gave others thoughts and feelings more power than my own. I’m still guilty of this but I’m more aware now.

Is it right to sometimes hide yourself?

I’d say on some occasions, yes. If it’s going to cause someone else unnecessary pain and you don’t feel too compromised then I think it’s fine to hold back. I suppose it depends on when we each feel too compromised, too hidden.

I think some have a lower threshold for this and need to reveal themselves sooner. These people might be seen as spiky, difficult or uncompromising but are they just more in tune to who they are?

I’d say that depends on if they’ve done the work to really work that out.

If we think we know who we are, if we live by that too hard, do we just turn in to some machine? Do we become too rigid? Do we close ourselves off to understanding ourselves more?

Alternatively, if we hide too often do we risk the feeling of being lost gradually building?

I think this is what happened to me. I think I’d subtly hidden for so long that when I reached my threshold, I wasn’t actually sure who I was anymore. That’s when I decided to start to do the work. I wish I’d taken the journey earlier but if I’m honest I’m not sure I was ready to.

I class the work as understanding your values, how you naturally operate, what you’re good at and what you’re not and being honest about what you really want. You then need to accept this as your reality right now (which can be the hardest part) and do something with it.

There’s no right way here just our own way.

Inspiration: “The man in me” by Bob Dylan

“The man in me will hide sometimes to keep from being seen. But that’s just because he doesn’t want to turn in to some machine.”

I did the work it didn’t work.

When you have a feeling of wanting more but you’re not sure what.

When you start to ask yourself the question “Is this it?”.

Don’t immediately believe a major change or a transformation is required.

That can be the case but I think there is a hurdle many of us face before that.

If you do the work to understand yourself, what you want, what you value and what you’re good at it might not reveal what you expect.

It might not reveal you need to quit your job, start that business or embark on something new.

If you do the work properly it will reveal both your good side and your bad side.

If you do it properly, you’ll understand that your strengths and values can work both for you and against you.

If you do the work properly you may find you’re closer than you think despite the thoughts and feelings you’re having.

The work then is to accept that.

And that can be hard work.

If you can’t accept yourself for who you fully are then moving forward gets tough.

If you can, then you might find that where you are is exactly where you’re meant to be.

No visible major change is required, no transformation.

It’s an invisible change – Acceptance.

I think some people can’t accept that.

So, they say they did the work but it didn’t work.

They either didn’t do the work well enough

Or

They did but can’t accept it.

I got stuck here.

Now I’m accepting it.

It’s made me rethink everything.

I did the work it didn’t work
2 be loved (am I ready) – Lizzo

Lucky me swimming in my ability…

Just because we find something easy doesn’t mean there is no value in it.

Others will look and wish they could do them with the same ease.

When did you last remind yourself of your abilities, the things that come easy?

We often overlook the skills we have as we just do them, with ease, no big thing.

When things feel easy it’s likely it’s because we’re doing the things we’re good at.

We’re swimming in our abilities.

I think we should always be looking to be better but risk focusing only on the things we’re just not so good at.

We push ourselves in areas that already feel hard.

What if we focused instead on our skills?

What if we took something we found easy, something that came naturally, and worked out how we can push that forward?

Push it forward from a place of confidence and ease.

We can’t avoid the things we find hard, we have to get them done.

But do we always need to be better at them?

What if we just got them to a level where they are just not holding us back?

What if we asked someone who could do them with ease to help us?

Revel in your abilities.

Feel lucky for having them.

Push them as far as you can.

Let them give you energy, confidence and fun.

Swim in them and feel grateful for doing so.

Give them away, regularly.

Inspiration: “Give it away” by RHCP

“Lucky me swimming in my ability.

Dancing down on life with agility.”

And the winner of the best birthday card goes to….

Quite Good Cards

Oh, and my sister in law Lauren McCance (the purchaser).

You can’t beat a muscle-bound national treasure.

Literally, you can’t, she’d break you.

Personally, I'm more mensh than hench.

Why won’t you believe in it, until it’s gone?

Sometimes, not believing is just easier.

Not believing you have opportunities.

Not believing things could be different.

Not believing you have a choice.

But not believing doesn’t make it not real.

The opportunities.

The options.

The choice.

Until they’re gone.

Then they’re not real.

Then, not believing, makes things hard.

If you believe you want something better

If you believe where you are now is not where you want to be.

Then maybe you should take this opportunity to DM me for a chat?

Inspiration: Shuffle by Bombay Bicycle Club

_ _

If you don’t know me I’m Bill Browne 👋

It took me 40 years, an amazing wife, 3 kids and a good job to realise I didn’t really know myself or if I did, I was too scared to let him loose.

The good news is I'm here now and I want to help.

I help men, hitting middle age, find purpose and direction.

Follow me for content on my middle age reality and change after 40.

If you’ve read this far then thank you, it would be great if you 👍 this.

If you are in your 40s and have a teenage child…

It may feel like you have nothing in common at times.

But you have.

You’re both going through the same thing, just 30 years apart.

You’re both looking for answers.

You’re both trying to understand your world.

You’re both confused.

You’re both trying to find yourselves.

You may feel like you should have all the answers by now.

Maybe they do too?

What do you need now to help you?

Chances are they need the same.

I used to think life after 40 would be easier.

It’s not, but I believe part 2 can be better than part 1.

I think middle age performs a kind of pincer movement.

Physical vs mental

Physically, you’re really just managing decline.

You can be better but never better than you would have been with the same effort when you were younger.

This can be disheartening but you need to invest in the physical more than ever.

Mentally you still have the capacity to learn new things.

This should be embraced but can be overwhelming due to the pace of change currently.

Do not let a belief that you’ve had your day creep in here.

The challenge I have found with both sides of the pincer is my engrained behaviours, time and fear.

I’m unpicking deeply entwined habits that won’t take me where I need to go.

I’m having to practice patience against a backdrop of being aware time is finite and there is more to do.

I’m scared I won’t get this right and I’ll lose sight of what’s really important to me.

I used to think life after 40 would be easier.

It’s not, but my desire and ability to be better remains.

If you're hitting middle age and want to be better then maybe we should talk?

Who would win in a fight?

Old me: Eat -> Sleep -> Get Frustrated -> Repeat

New me: Eat -> Sleep -> Work out what’s Frustrating me -> Take Action -> Repeat

Old me: Judging self, scared, angry, lost, frozen

New me: Judging self, still scared, less angry, still lost but moving

We’re all lost.

We’re all making it up as we go along.

Some of us are just clearer in the direction we want to go.

A solid place to start finding your direction is finding your values.

I can help you do that.

DM me to find out how.

Or don’t, that’s fine.

You might not be ready to be found...