The Independent Mamas

14/02/2020

Don't let Valentine's Day get you down after separation. Valentine's Day is about love which can be expressed with love for yourself and your children.

For you: Celebrate by doing something special for yourself, treat yourself, do something that makes you happy.

For your children: Do something special together to show your love as a family. Bake together, practice mindfulness, share your dreams together and post them on cloud picture. Decorate your home with hearts and each write what you love about each other on the hearts

07/02/2020

Children will blame themselves for everything but this is particularly true in the case of divorce or separation. Help your child gain perspective on your breakup. Reassure your child that they are not to blame for the separation but make sure you don’t blame the other parent either. Your child needs to maintain a healthy relationship with both parents, where possible, and blaming one another can be very detrimental to your child’s wellbeing. There is a lot of uncertainty around separation which can be very worrying and stressful for children. Try to be honest with them and make sure they know what is happening as much as possible. Even after separation, it is important to be neutral about the other parent in front of your child. Always wish them a good time with the other parent and show interest in what they have been doing with them. Separate your feelings for your ex- partner with those of your child’s. That person is still very important to them and they should not be alienated from them otherwise it can lead to resentment towards both parents. Children need positive and nurturing experiences during and following separation to minimise the impact on their wellbeing.

05/02/2020

Your child’s mental health and wellbeing can be hugely affected by divorce or separation as well as a myriad of other external pressures young people are under in. When parents separate, it is a hugely confusing and stressful time for them and as parents we are so overwhelmed with what we are dealing with it is easy to forget about what our children are thinking and feeling. Keep communicating with your child, find out about their worries and concerns and reassure them you are there to support them. There is more awareness around about childhood mental health issues although the public services are still woefully underfunded and under resourced.

In case you haven’t heard, this week is Children’s Mental Health Week and was set up by charity Place2be.
This year’s theme is “Find your brave”. So, be brave with your children. Talk about your worries together, ask for help from others if you are feeling overwhelmed and encourage your children to do the same.

For more information go to www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk

31/01/2020

Love my new notebook! Definitely captures how I am feeling starting my coaching business! 😁

It is also how I felt on many occasions since my separation whether it was a first date, first time I ate alone in a restaurant, first time I went to the cinema on my own... whatever first you are trying... Be Brave 💪

30/01/2020

If you are struggling and feeling overwhelmed, reach out to those around you and talk to them. By discussing your worries, you can gain new perspectives on your problems which you may not have considered. These conversations can reduce your anxiety and enable you to move past whatever is holding you back.

Since my separation, I have a few good friends who I see regularly and we talk through our difficulties as Independent Mamas. We all have different views and together we help each other to keep moving forwards.

29/01/2020

Life can be exhausting when trying to juggle your many roles as an Independent Mama after separation or divorce. So getting a good amount of sleep is really important to keeping your sanity.

I have noticed that I stay up later and later since being on my own. I think it is because I just want a little extra time in the evening to destress and breathe after a hectic day. However, this has had a negative impact on my mood and ability to cope the next day and becomes a vicious cycle.

So, I am making a promise to myself to go to bed earlier, read a book and get more rest. If you struggle to get to sleep, turn all screens off a good hour before you go to bed, make a list of what you need to do the next day so you are not constantly thinking about it and try some light meditation or breathing exercises to quieten your mind before sleep.

28/01/2020

Flexibility in all areas of your life is key to maintaining balance and happiness within yourself and your family.

After divorce or separation, so many areas of your life are under flux and if you remain rigid in your ideals of how your life should be or the way your child is parented, you could find yourself suffering a lot of heartache and struggle to move forward.

As a result of your separation, both you and your children will have changed and what used to work for you as a family may no longer be the best way.

Take a step back, listen to each other, and think about what you all need to move on. Adapt your approach to life, your work, your parenting style and be prepared to keep flexing until you find what works best for you and your family.

27/01/2020

*** BIG ANNOUNCEMENT ***

I have launched my website. Go check it out. I have a blog page too which I will be adding a new blog to weekly. I will post a link on this page so you ladies don't miss out.

It is now live at https://theindependentmamas.com/

The Independent Mamas is a life-coaching company and community of courageous women that empowers independent mothers who have been through separation or divorce to transform their lives enabling them to thrive and build healthier and more prosperous futures for themselves and their children. Are you...

26/01/2020

Separation & divorce can give you the push to try new things and pursue new opportunities. It could be a new hobby, write a book, further education, a new career, become a volunteer or a house move maybe.

Whilst going through my divorce, I stumbled across a fantastic opportunity to join a business programme and start my own business. I grasped it with both hands. I was ready to reinvent myself which led to setting up The Independent Mamas.

What new opportunity could you pursue?

25/01/2020

Why is that when you are separated, all you see, everywhere you go, are happy couples and families? It can be really hard to deal with and it certainly affected my self esteem and still does some days.

Remind yourself about how unhealthy your relationship was and not everyone's lives are as rosy as they seem.

Think about how your life can be improved to bring you happiness whether that is rocking life as an Independent Mama or finding a new partner in crime to share it with.

23/01/2020

This evening my 5 year old said to me "I have been back at your house for hours and I haven't even been given a hug". This melted me with love and guilt all at once. I swooped him up and give him a massive hug. He had been at his dad's for two days and I picked him up from school, rushed off to swimming lessons then back for a quick tea. We hadn't taken a breathe or a pause to spend a moment together. This has really made me stop and think about the importance of spending a few moments with your children each day, especially when you haven't seen them for a few days, to reconnect and cement your bond.

Pause from your hectic life, look at your child, watch them play, give them a hug and truly connect every day..... just the two of you.😍

22/01/2020

After receiving some frustrating news about my fight to get the support my son needs, I was thinking about what it means to be a mother.

I looked up definitions online and here are a few:

A mother is a protector, disciplinarian and friend.
A mother is a selfless, loving human who must sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children.
A mother works hard to make sure their child is equipped with the knowledge, skills and abilities to make it as a competent human being.
The woman who loves you unconditionally from birth, the one who puts her kids before herself and the one who you can always count on above everyone else.

For me, certainly at the moment, it is self-sacrifice and fighting for what you believe is best for your child.

What does being a mother mean to you?