Anna's Yoga

It’s been a long time since I led a studio class.
Delighted to be covering Yin tomorrow Hot Yoga Edinburgh.
Come along for an opportunity to pause and focus on mind and body in the cosiest space.

I went for a swim this week, the first in months.

My swimsuit was tight.

And my body felt foreign.
Muscles taut and resistant.
Mind with my baby feeling like I’d forgotten a limb.

A scar still pink and healing crosses the length of my womb.
Stretch marks ripple across my swollen breasts with ni***es chaffed and tender.
My thighs are riddled with purple bruises from blood thinning injections.

Everything is weaker. softer round the edges.
My body feels tired.

Yet despite fatigue and pain and tension there sits a strength I’ve never known.
It’s a visceral resolve residing around my solar plexus.
I have grown and carried my baby boy to term.
Birthed him.
Been through major surgery and its after effects.
I am battling a blood clot and it’s symptoms. All of whilst nurturing my babe through breastfeeding.

There will be no ‘bouncing back’ that society demands. I have no desire to fit once again into my skinny jeans.
I will go gently with myself and rehab my body safely. But it will never be the same and I’m surprising myself to find that’s ok. It’s more than ok. My body has done and is doing the most amazing things.

Woman are incredible.

My swimsuit is tight, but its never mattered less.

My swimsuit is tight but I feel like a mother@* #$ing goddess.

Image 💜

Hope and acceptance.

I feel that for the last 3 years the themes of hope and acceptance have been ever present for me.

Firstly with fertility, each month full of hope and longing for those two lines confirming new life, followed by acceptance when they didn’t appear. Varying degrees of grace were had with this. As the months passed each disappointment was felt more keenly and our journey to conceive tested trust in my body, my faith and my marriage more than anything had prior. I know so many couples walk the same path and yet it seems like a silent battle, one riddled with concealed heartache...

With the COVID-19 pandemic hope and acceptance continued as with for so many plans changed, life was altered and a ‘new normal’ was adjusted too. I tried to remain hopeful throughout it all, yet constantly flexible to the new restrictions, infection rates and guidance. Accepting it. Abiding by it. Though feeling the weight of it. Nursing through it, missing loved ones, losing loved ones and craving adventures...

Pregnancy brought a deep joy amongst it all and a gratitude deeper than any before yet it it too has been a journey of hope and acceptance. Hopeful all is ok, especially those first couple of months, terrified of more loss, willing with every fibre of my being that this time it would be ok. Hope that baby is ok, relief when scans confirmed that. Accepting this ever changing body. Marvelling at this new home I inhabit and house my little one in. Awe struck and also challenged by it. The clothes that don’t fit, the insatiable appetite, the serious fatigue, the subconscious changes that have had me reflect on my relationship with control more than ever. I have been relatively lucky in pregnancy but the last few weeks have brought real pain and struggle as my hypermobile joints start to feel the strain of growing another human. I’m using every tool in my toolbox, thankful for them all alongside the NHS and my support system.

Accepting isn’t always easy. It’s not always gracious. For me it has run in parallel with frustration, anger and desperation. But ultimately there comes a point of surrender. Surrendering but always keeping hope alive.

Happy International Women’s Day 🌸

‘There is no limit on what we, as women, can accomplish’ Michelle Obama

I am believing this more fully with each year I grow..
Women are powerful. Pregnancy is making me experience that more than anything before.
Currently feeling so very grateful for all the women who I know and love 💜

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Pregnancy 🤰

18 weeks today and this journey of growing a human continues to amaze me.

Felt babe move for first time last week and experiencing these little flutters and kicks is utterly beautiful. I’m so excited to meet this little soul and we’re not even half way!

Body seems to change daily with new curves and tensions and freedoms in constant flux. I’m in awe of it. Having worried a little about how I would cope with this I’m surprised to find that on the whole my changing body is being welcomed. Loving these new curves! And after a whole adult lifetime of carrying shame and resistance in my belly, I now can’t get enough of it expanding. Each day I explain to Ian ‘it’s bigger again!’
Truthfully not all days. And hormones make for this being one heck of an emotional rollercoaster!

But having longed for this for so long and feeling so very fortunate to finally be carrying a wee one I’m choosing to enjoy this as much as possible. Focusing each day on what my body is doing and affirming to myself that the role it’s playing is the most beautiful thing I’ll ever do helps.

Sending love out to everyone in these strange times we continue to live through.

Well 2020 is ending and I’ve just been guided through a beautiful practice by to transition into the next 🙏

Whilst this year has brought immeasurable challenges, frustrations and sorrows. So much ‘missing’ for so many people, places and things. Personally it has also been littered with deep joys. Those sweet moments of connection, togetherness and support have felt all the more special. I end this year tired but full of hope and gratitude ready to embrace the new year and all the wonders it will bring.

Sending love out to all for making it through. However you’re feeling at the close of the year it’s ok. It’s valid. You are not alone.

💜💜💜

#2020

Minded Yoga Therapist at your service.

After an epic 580hours, 15 modules, 4 exams, countless client sessions and 6 months of case studies I can now officially offer myself as a BCYT accredited Yoga Therapist.

This course has been such a journey of learning and self inquiry made richer by the wonderful sangha I grew alongside.

Thanks to everyone who offered this time as clients, case studies and for who gave me the opportunity to teach therapeutic workshops.

2020 as for all has been a wild ride and for now I find myself grateful to be settling into a new full time nursing role as a sexual health practitioner. I fully intend to continue yoga offerings alongside but not at present. I honestly need a little pause to allow all the course gave to absorb.

With more restrictions in Scotland once again for yoga studios let’s continue to support online offerings of those local and dear to us. Yogas mental and physical benefits are needed more than ever so let’s protect the spaces that offer them, even if for a wee while longer it’s virtual.

I will be updating my website in due course but if you have any questions about yoga therapy, the course I did or yoga at all my inbox is always open and I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m able.

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I posted this on my Instagram stories and received so many messages of people resonating with this.

More and more I’m realising life isn’t a series of numbers and targets to be achieved.

I’m approaching 30 later this month and earlier this year had a big freak out about hitting that number without having done some of the things I’d wanted to achieve in my 20s. I wasn’t a mother. I didn’t have a ‘career path’. I’ve still never made sourdough...But actually it’s all perspective. It’s all just numbers.

The love of my life is 18 years older than me and is somewhat amused by my being worried about me ending my 20s. He didn’t get married until he was 44 and is now 48 and not a parent yet. I’m taking a leaf out of his book, trying to count all my many blessings and enjoy each day and year for what it is. As 2020 has taught us all, you never know what’s going to happen or not and so far 30 is looking pretty sweet 👌

Plus wrinkles and wisdom have never looked bad on anyone!

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Happy International Yoga Day.

Endless gratitude for a practice that has offered me so much and helped me in turn gift others.

I sit in thanks and deep respect for my teachers and students who have shape my teaching and practice fluidly.

Currently unlearning and dedicating myself on a lot of cultural appropriation which can occur in the yoga world of the West. Learning to do better and cause no harm. Open for dialogue on this if others struggling/wanting accountability 🤗

When I was wee I believed the x27 bus to St.Andrews was just one bus and was perplexed as to how it did it’s whole route in 20 minutes and was back in Cupar to go again...

When I was wee I wholeheartedly believed in the tooth fairy and relished when a tooth fell out waiting for the coin under my pillow...

When I was wee I thought the trains on the Forth Rail Bridge went up and down the diagonal frame like some kind of rail roller coaster...

When I was wee I believed if you didn’t blink and the camera flashed your eyeballs fell out...

When I was wee I knew no black people and each lent placed my pennies in a charity box to send to Africa for the poor black people I was told needed our help and money...

In school I learned times tables,
I learned about the American voting system,
I learned about past participles and long division and how to bake a short crust pastry.
But not to my recollection did I learned about slavery. I wasn’t taught about Britain’s colonial reach and the damage that has caused.
A lot of adulthood and growing up is a process of unlearning and relearning what we’re told or have come to believe as children.

The last few weeks have been the biggest wake up call that some of that unlearning has yet to be done.
Learning to notice my own ignorance.
Learning to notice when to step into the uncomfortable and speak up.
Learning when to shut up and listen.
Learning to recognise my immense white privilege.
Learning how best to act in regards to counteract racism instead of being an appalled bystander.

Doing the work.

Listening.
Learning.
Trying to do better.
🖤