SENDinMama

What does school cost your PDA child?

My mother always said that I was so good at getting ready for school.

I attended every day. I completed my homework. I got respectable grades. I wasn't disruptive. I wasn't refusing school. I wasn't having obvious meltdowns.

On paper, I was coping.

Looking back, I can see that what adults were really seeing was a child who had become very good at enduring things.

In my latest article, I explore the signs that a PDA child may not be coping in school, even when attendance is good, behaviour is praised and academic progress appears positive.

I discuss masking, school-based anxiety, restraint collapse, internalised distress, burnout and the physical symptoms that often accompany chronic stress.

The article is partly informed by research and partly by my own experience as a child who appeared to be coping until the long-term impact eventually caught up with me.

If you've ever looked at your child and thought, "Something isn't right, but I can't quite explain why," this article is for you.

🔗 You can read it here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/sendinmama/p/the-cost-of-coping?r=3z1gi4&utm_medium=ios

With Love,
SENDinMama🤍
www.SENDinMama.com

This month’s book list is all about reducing overstimulation.

Summer can be wonderful, but for many neurodivergent children it can also be a lot.

More noise. More people. More heat. More changes to routine. More expectations to socialise, attend events, and be out and about.

Sometimes what looks like irritability, clinginess, hyperactivity, withdrawal, or big emotions is actually a nervous system that has simply had enough.

This month’s books are for those children.

The ones who need quieter moments. More recovery time. More opportunities to slow down and reconnect with themselves.

From toddlers to teens, this list includes stories about overwhelm, sensory experiences, emotional safety, rest, and regulation.

🔒 Available now for paid subscribers (£3.50/month - less than a posh coffee!)

Subscribers also benefit from monthly downloadable resources that they can use with their SEND, PDA neurodivergent and trauma affected children.

With Love,
SENDinMama 🤍

I wrote this article because I think we spend so much time discussing autistic children that we sometimes forget those children grow up into autistic adults trying to survive workplaces that often make very little sense to their nervous systems.

In this piece I talk about:
• invisible workplace demands
• performance monitoring
• communication overwhelm
• PDA and employment
• masking
• why some of us thrive in crisis but struggle with routine expectations
• the emotional cost of “holding it together” at work

I also share a very personal story from my early teaching career that I’ve never written about publicly before.

I think many PDA and autistic adults will see themselves in this article, particularly those who have spent years being labelled “difficult”, “abrasive”, “too intense” or “hard to manage” despite caring deeply about their work.

🔗 You can read it here:

https://open.substack.com/pub/sendinmama/p/from-difficult-employee-to-business?r=3z1gi4&utm_medium=ios

With Love,
SENDinMama 🤍
www.SENDinMama.com

📣 For PDA Action Week, SENDinMama’s PDA Parents & Carers Course is 20% off with code: PDAWEEK20

Created from both lived experience and 15+ years working in SEND education.

Not all PDA children are loud.
Not all PDA children refuse visibly.
Not all PDA children fit the stereotypes people expect.

Some mask.
Some people please.
Some freeze.
Some become perfectionists.
Some hold themselves together all day at school and fall apart completely once they get home.

And many families are left trying to understand behaviours that traditional parenting advice and school approaches simply do not explain.

The course is practical, neurodiversity-affirming, grounded in lived experience, and informed by over 15 years working within SEND education.

It also comes with a bonus downloadable resource of your choice from my Resource Hub.

If you have been trying to make sense of your child, yourself, or your family dynamic, this is a good place to start.

Take a peek here:
www.sendinmama.com/pdaparensandcarers

This week’s article is not my usual evidence-led deep dive.

It’s personal.

This is an ode to Mental Health Awareness Month and how this interplays with PDA.

I wrote about what it was actually like being an undiagnosed PDA/autistic child in mainstream school during the 90s. The kind of child teachers described as “quiet”, “kind”, “compliant” and “no trouble at all”, while internally everything was beginning to fracture. Challenges growing up, and where I am now.

I talk openly about:
• internalising distress
• private stimming
• shame and perfectionism
• exploitation and vulnerability in teenage years
• autistic burnout being mistaken for depression
• why internalising profiles are so often missed

There are parts of this article that were genuinely difficult to write, but I know there are so many people out there carrying similar stories in silence.

Particularly women and girls who learned very early that safety came through compliance.

If that was you too, I see you.

👀 You can read the full piece here: https://open.substack.com/pub/sendinmama/p/the-invisible-pda-child?r=3z1gi4&utm_medium=ios

With Love,
SENDinMama 🤍
www.SENDinMama.com

This month’s book list is for the children who don’t learn in the “usual” way.

The ones who question things.
Who need to move, explore, or follow their own ideas.
Who don’t always fit into neat boxes… and were never meant to.

Learning doesn’t have to look like sitting still, listening, and getting it right the first time.

For a lot of our children, it looks like curiosity, creativity, trial and error, and going off on a completely different path than the one you had planned.

This month’s books celebrate that.

They centre imagination, problem-solving, and thinking differently, without trying to force children back into a mould that doesn’t fit them.

🔒 Available now for paid Substack subscribers
👉 Link in bio

There’s a particular kind of confusion that comes up a lot when we’re talking about neurodivergent children.

A child refuses.
A child resists.
A child avoids something that seems completely reasonable.

And the explanation is often the same.

“It’s part of autism.”
“They’re being rigid.”
“They need more structure.”

Sometimes that’s true.
Sometimes it really isn’t.

This article looks at the difference between restricted and repetitive behaviours (RRBs) and the pattern of avoidance associated with a PDA profile.

Because although they can look very similar from the outside, they are driven by very different things underneath. And when we respond to one as if it’s the other, things can get harder very quickly.

If you’ve ever had the feeling that “this advice should be working… but it’s not”, this might help make sense of that.

🔗 Find it in my story or Linktree (Substack link)…

Follow for more support with your PDA child 🤍

With Love,
SENDinMama

It’s that time again.

This month’s resource is for those looking to support their ADHD child with their regulation.

As an AuDHD adult myself, parent to children with ADHD and educator of 15 years you get pretty good at noticing when it is building.

With ADHD, regulation is often the missing piece.

It’s easy to focus on attention, impulsivity or behaviour, but underneath all of that is a nervous system that isn’t always able to stay within a manageable state.

This toolkit is not a behaviour plan. I hate those.
It’s not a set of rules. I’m not keen on those either.

It’s a way of understanding what’s happening underneath the surface, and responding to that instead.

It’s designed to be practical, flexible, and actually usable in real life.

If this sounds familiar, you can find it here:
👉 www.sendinmama.com/adhdregulationtoolkit

OR if you’re a paid subscriber on SENDinMama’s Substack you can download it as part of your subscription!

Remember all paid subscriptions are discounted this month as part of Autism Awareness Month ♥️

Go to my LinkTree in my bio to find my Substack!

With Love,

SENDinMama 🤍