The Regulated Child

06/10/2026

We can do all sorts of fancy 'evaluations' and 'measuring impact' on the training programmes that we deliver, but sometimes a wee impromptu email says it all. 💕

If folks feel like this during my training sessions, it's a job well done. 😊 This session was all about understanding attachment and that relationships should be at the heart of everything we do with children. This is proof that no matter how short a time we spend with someone, we can still have an impact.

02/10/2026

Some interesting thoughts and framing around neurodivergence.

I absolutely agree that we need to look beyond the label and understand the individual needs of the child in front of us and the environment around them.

It's an easy listen for a heavy subject.

Drs Chris and Xand van Tulleken explore the conversation around neurodiversity.

28/09/2026

We’ve lived in the same village since both my children were born, and that sense of community and belonging has become incredibly important to us, particularly when you have a child with additional support needs.

This weekend, we went along to Messy Church, run by some wonderful volunteers from the two local villages of Townhill and Kingseat.

We’ve dipped in and out over the years, but one thing has remained constant: kindness, compassion and understanding.

They know my son doesn’t always join in in the way other children do. They don’t expect him to fit in. They give him space, time and permission to be part of the group in his own way.

Sometimes that has meant retreating to another room. Sometimes sitting quietly and just watching. And this weekend, it meant LEGO… followed by very carefully decorating a gingerbread man! 🧱🍪

This little group works for him because nobody needs him to be different.

He is simply accepted as he is.

This is what belonging feels like.

And for families of children with additional support needs, finding places where both child and parent feel safe, understood and genuinely welcome can make an enormous difference.

Inclusion isn’t always about making everyone participate in the same way.

Sometimes, it’s about creating a space where everyone knows:
You belong here. Just as you are 💙

26/09/2026

What if you need to see your child differently?

When a neurodivergent child is overwhelmed, what you see on the outside is only part of the story.

Understanding their biology, emotional state and stage of development can completely change how you respond — and how you connect with them.

💡 My FREE webinar, 'When Nothing Seems to Work: How to Support Your Neurodivergent Child', will help you see your child through a different lens and understand what they need from you in those difficult moments.

And you’ll get a FREE Regulation Checklist to help you put it into practice.

👉 Watch the free webinar and discover a different way to support your child.
https://www.regulatedchild.co.uk/webinars

This free webinar and Regulation Checklist is for parents and carers who are caring for a neurodivergent child. It will give you a fresh insight into your child's unique world and help you meet them where they are at.

24/09/2026

What happens when all you’ve got are consequences… but they don’t work?

When a neurodivergent child is in complete overwhelm, their thinking and reasoning capabilities are offline and inaccessible. They’re down in their “basement brain”, consequences are totally ineffective.

But what do we do instead?

In my free webinar, 'When Nothing Seems to Work: How to Support Your Neurodivergent Child', I explore what’s happening beneath the behaviour, why traditional approaches often fail, and how we can respond in ways that meet a child’s unique developmental and neurological needs.

Because this isn’t about lowering expectations. It’s about understanding the child in front of us, meeting them where they are at, supporting regulation, and strengthening the capabilities they need to navigate life more successfully - at home, at school and in the community.

🎥 Watch the free webinar now:
https://www.regulatedchild.co.uk/webinars

18/09/2026

“But they know they shouldn’t do that…”

Yes, they might. They may know that hitting, kicking, throwing or breaking things isn’t okay. But knowing something is wrong and being able to stop yourself when you’re overwhelmed are two very different things.

So what do we actually do when our child is overwhelmed and behaviour becomes unsafe? How do we keep everyone safe without shaming or punishing? And how can we reduce the likelihood of it happening again?

In my latest blog, I explore what to do before, during and after these difficult moments, including creating a practical “999 plan”, using Goal → Predict → Plan → Do → Review, and why relationship and repair are such an important part of the picture.

If you’re parenting or caring for a child whose behaviour can become unsafe when they are overwhelmed, I hope this gives you some practical ideas and a different way of looking at those really difficult moments.

Read the full blog here: https://www.regulatedchild.co.uk/blog/when-your-child-is-overwhelmed-what-to-do-when-behaviour-becomes-unsafe

“But they know they shouldn’t do that…” Yes, they might. They may know that hitting, kicking, throwing or breaking things isn’t okay. But knowing something is wrong and being able to stop yourself when you’re overwhelmed are two very different things. So what do we actually do when our c...

16/09/2026

Last night I engaged in some unexpected discussion and refection while delivering attachment training to UNISON members.

One of the delegates who joined us doesn’t actually work with children. She works with the elderly in the NHS and had come along because she wanted to better understand relationships, the power of connection, and what we can learn from early attachment and translate into end of life care.

And this led to some incredibly thoughtful conversations. Discussions which were sensitive, compassionate and, at times, deeply emotional.

Because when we really think about attachment, connection and relationships, we begin to see that these needs don't disappear as we grow older.

We all need to feel safe, seen and felt, even more so in the vulnerable stages of life.

The way we seek connection may change throughout our lives, but the fundamental need for meaningful, authentic relationships remains.

What we know about attachment in childhood can teach us something much bigger about being human. And that connection and belonging matters right up until we take our final breath.

And that feels like something worth remembering. ❤️

14/09/2026

I regularly post here, but I’ve realised I’ve never actually introduced myself properly! 👋

I’m Nicola McAllister, and I founded The Regulated Child. Six years ago, I left my career in education to support my autistic son as he transitioned into primary school and an additional support needs class. What started from necessity became something I never could have planned, a thriving business bringing together 30 years of professional experience in education and foster care with my lived experience as a mum of a neurodivergent child as well as a teenager. I'm covering all bases!

Today, I provide training, consultancy and coaching for parents and professionals across home, education and community settings. I help adults understand neurodivergence, look beyond behaviour, explore what’s happening underneath it, and create the relationships, environments and expectations children need to feel safe, connected, regulated and able to thrive.

If you’re new here, have a look around. And if you’re wondering whether I can help you, your family or your setting, head over to my website to find out more.

👉 www.regulatedchild.co.uk

11/09/2026

I’ve just returned from what was possibly the shortest residential trip ever.

What was meant to be four days ended up being about three hours.

On Monday, I headed north with my son for his Primary 7 residential. His experience was always going to look a little different. Although I wasn’t able to accompany him during the activities, I had booked a caravan nearby so that he could take part in the daytime experiences without the pressure of sleeping away from home and I would be on call if he needed a break.

It was always going to be a bit of a long shot.

But as he skipped out of the car to meet his PSA and classmates, he shouted back, “I’m going to have a ball!”

A few hours later, I got the call to collect him.

He had become overwhelmed at dinner after misunderstanding an instruction and being called out by a member of the residential team. The little boy I picked up was a shadow of the one I had dropped off. Completely shut down. Unable to connect. Just sitting staring ahead, with tears silently streaming down his face.

After a night of gentle soothing, he eventually fell asleep, albeit unsettled.

The next morning, he was still struggling, but he was able to piece together what had happened and he was absolutely adamant that he wasn’t going back.

And I knew he couldn’t.

He had reached his limit. The experience had tipped from challenge into distress.

So, instead, we made a new plan. We stayed in the caravan and had our own little holiday. Swimming, crazy golf, parks, walks and exploring the countryside. And slowly, my boy came back.

I’ve thought about this a lot since.

Should I have sent him in the first place?

And this is the dilemma so many parents of neurodivergent children face.

We want to give our children opportunities. We want them to experience challenge, independence, success and all the things their peers are experiencing.

But we also have to consider whether the demands of the experience are within their current capacity to manage and if the supports in place are adequate.

Sometimes we get the balance right.

Sometimes we get it wrong.

Sometimes the supports you think are in place, are not.

And sometimes, despite our best planning, we only find out where that line is by crossing it.

04/09/2026

The summer holidays are definitely over for The Regulated Child!

This week has taken me across three local authorities working with different groups of amazing people.

Falkirk – meeting a wonderful group of adoptive parents, who are about to embark on our six-part 'Beyond Behaviour' programme.

Perth & Kinross – working with third sector colleagues to explore how we can better support neurodivergent children who have also experienced developmental trauma.

Fife – a follow-up session filled with open, honest and vulnerable conversations about supporting children who have experienced high levels of adversity and disruption in their early years.

And today? Time to draw breath.
Back in the office.
Admin to catch up on.

A steaming mug of coffee ☕And a big, sugary doughnut 🍩
The end of the week doesn’t get much better than this!