Man Makes Fire

06/09/2022

This.

14/03/2022

When I tell people what I do, men often look at me suspiciously. Subtly or perhaps more overtly, I hear the question, What do you know about being a man? How can you help me?

It’s a great question. How am I relevant to you? What have I got to offer?

So let me share a bit more about why I’ve chosen to coach and mentor men rather than just anyone…

Too often, I’ve seen men who’ve pretty much erased themselves from their own lives in a bid to support and provide for their families. In focusing on everyone else, they’ve lost their vitality, energy and passion – sometimes even their sense of identity. I support men in rediscovering who they are and what they need to be happy.

I hate to see people in pain. Men, who believe they should ‘Man up’ and just ‘get on with it’ without complaining can end up carrying a build-up of painful emotions inside, unable to release them. It twists their lives out of shape. That hardly seems fair. I don’t have to do that. Why should you? That feels like inequality to me...

Gender defines the way we’re treated and what we’re told about ourselves and who we should be. It affects how we experience the world – and men and women experience it very differently. No wonder we misunderstand each other sometimes! While I don’t represent all women, you might find my female perspective helpful.

I listen without judging.

On a very simple level, there should be more men in the world who feel good about themselves; who express themselves with confidence and treat themselves with compassion rather than beating themselves up for not being good enough. Why? Because I’ve seen what men like this look like. They don’t need to wear a mask. They’re just being themselves with courage and conviction. And they are incredible. They make the world a better place.

If you want to find out more about how I work, get in touch to book a free half-hour Zoom call and we can talk.

*x

11/03/2022

WE KNOW YOU’RE REALLY LISTENING WHEN…

🔥 You really try to understand, even if we’re not making sense to you.

🔥 You grasp our point of view even when you don’t agree with it.

🔥 You allow us to make our own decisions even though you think they might be wrong.

🔥 You don’t take our problems from us but allow us to deal with them in our own way.

🔥 You hold back on giving good advice – unless we ask for it.

🔥 You don’t assume we need answers.

🔥 You give us the space to work out for ourselves what’s really going on.

7 SIGNS WE KNOW WE’VE LOST YOU

1. You say you understand before we’ve finished telling you what the problem is.

2. You cut us off before we’ve finished speaking.

3. You finish our sentences for us.

4. You’re feeling critical of our vocabulary, grammar, or accent.

5. When you’re thinking about what you’re going to say next.

6. You tell us about your own experiences, making ours seem less important.

7. You get drawn into the thoughts and memories that get triggered by what we’re saying.

09/03/2022

When you’ve put the effort in; you deserve the recognition. After all, we all need to feel appreciated.

It might be for the work you do, the way you support others, the muscles you’ve built – whatever you’re proud of.

We all want to be celebrated for who we are.

That’s part of what yesterday’s International Women’s Day was about. On social media, I saw women being loved, respected and admired, often by men, for being wise, loving, courageous and powerful.

But it may also have felt like a day of putting men down.

When the spotlight falls on a particular group, it’s easy for others to feel like they’re suddenly standing in the shade.

Perhaps you even felt attacked by angry posts or tweets saying that ‘men aren’t good enough’ or are to blame for the challenges women face today. Those voices are out there, and in their anger and frustration, they emphasize how at odds with each other men and women can be.

Daily, we fail to understand, love and support each other as we could. We fail to find a meeting point. Sometimes it’s because we don’t know how, or we feel threatened and unsafe. We can’t risk giving away what we see as our power, however fragile that power may be.

And still, whatever our gender, we all need to be loved, respected and admired – particularly by the people we’re attracted to and want in our lives.

So how do we want the ongoing conversation between men and women to evolve? Because we do have a say in the matter.

It can be embittered and destructive, full of power games and projections – or it can be loving, passionate, curious, open and honest.

Choosing the second option will mean listening to the words that feels like an attack and finding the pain behind them. It could mean saying sorry or admitting what we don’t know or understand, as vulnerable as that may feel.

And it will definitely mean getting better at celebrating each other every day, because we’re all trying our best and we need each other to make it through.

*x

01/02/2022

SOMETIMES YOU’RE A PAIN IN THE ASS….

You mess up, you make really bad mistakes and you hurt people - but the good news is there’s some love for that…

The perfect man doesn’t exist. There’s no perfect body – not for long anyway. The job, the house, the relationship… none of them will ever be ‘perfect’, but thanks to social media it’s easy to start thinking they could be or should be. Just not for you. Unless you work harder, do more or be more than you are.

This kind of thinking usually only goes in one direction and you’re never the winner – unless insecurity, disappointment and a deep sense of failure are what you’re after…

The truth is that if you’re striving for perfection or to be like someone else, you’re going to fall short. You’ll never be good enough. And on top of that you’re going to screw up, say the wrong thing, upset people you care about and generally make a mess of things because you’re also human. If you start beating yourself about it too, you add insult to injury and make it even harder to rebound and do better.

🔥 If you notice the negative self-talk starting to kick in – that voice in your head that’s telling you that you’re stupid/pointless/ugly/ridiculous – pour on the kindness like you’re putting out a fire. Because you are.

🔥 Forgive yourself (rather than making excuses) – research shows that if you do that, you’re much less likely to make the same mistake again.

🔥 Show yourself some compassion – as much compassion as you would to someone you care about who’s going through a tough time.

This is what self-love means and it’s the best kind of love you’re ever going to have. Whether you’re in a relationship or not.

16/01/2022

Mind transformation - how to find happiness

14/12/2021

This. All of this.

14/12/2021

Announcing Sir Ken Robinson’s Manifesto, 'Imagine if... Creating A Future For Us All' which is now available to pre-order.

In the years before he passed away, Sir Ken had been working on a manifesto - a short book that would pull together all of his key arguments and serve as a call to action for the education revolution he spent his life advocating for.

His wish was for his daughter Kate Robinson to complete the book after his passing, and that it be published posthumously.

We are so proud to be able to announce that this manifesto, 'Imagine if… Creating A Future For Us All', will be published by Penguin on March 1st 2022, and is now available to pre-order:
https://www.sirkenrobinson.com/imagine-if-book

27/11/2021

The menopause can make it feel like the woman you once knew has disappeared. Nobody tells you this.

The thing is, despite having the inevitability of death and taxes, it’s not a popular topic for discussion. It also tends to get slung in the ‘women’s issues’ bin.

But if you’re in a relationship with a menopausal woman, ignoring the fact is the worst thing you can do. For you and her. Because there are loads of ways you can help, support and make your relationship even stronger into the bargain.

My new Menopause guide for Men has been described as ‘absolute pure gold’.

It explains, without the fluff:

- What’s going on with her body
- How you can help
- How to talk about the difficult stuff
- How to stay intimate and s*xy

Plus loads more besides.

You’ll find the link in my bio – and please share it with anyone you know who might find it helpful.

*x

26/11/2021

Which three words would describe the way you have s*x?

Stillness.
Holding
Anticipation
Intention
Reverence
Connection
A lack of education means most of us have never really felt pleasure. Most of us pursue orgazm as the goal of s*x with little attention to sensation, intention, pleasure, context or reverence.
Here's the thing, fast s*x isn't better s*x.
Jackhammer s*x isn't better s*x.
Slow TF down.
Context matters.
Intensity matters.
Pleasure matters.
Stillness is your friend.
Holding is your friend
Artwork via the extraordinary

19/11/2021

Dear Men,

Happy International Men’s Day!

Today is about celebrating the positive value men bring to the world, their families and communities.

One of the six pillars of International Men’s Day is improving gender relations and promoting gender equality – and this year’s theme is “Better relations between men and women.”

What does that look like for you?

For me, that means offering you my time, energy, experience and love to remind you that you’re valued, your story is worth telling, and how you feel matters, both in and out of relationships.

That’s how other people have encouraged and allowed me to feel and, if equality means anything, you deserve that too.

*x

12/11/2021

I started coaching for a reason… It wasn’t for the accolades, though they give me a glow and make me grateful that what I do – and love – means something to other people too.

I wanted to be useful. I wanted to help my clients untangle themselves, find peace, find their flow and embrace what they really loved and wanted in life.

I started coaching just men because that was where I was feeling the most energy in the 1-2-1 sessions I was doing.

I’m passionate about this work. It’s a passion driven by a need for equality.

We all deserve support, care, and someone to talk to. With so many men not having that someone, and struggling as a result, well – it didn’t feel fair. Fairness is a big deal to me.

I started focusing on relationships because the best kind can change our lives for the better. But even though we crave love and connection, allowing them in (and keeping them going) can be hard.

We sabotage good things or chase after people or situations that hurt us and sometimes our partners too. The pain of relationships going wrong or missing from our lives can be acute.

But when you know how to create good, strong relationships, that can change.

Passion, happiness, feeling understood, feeling wanted for who you really are – that’s what we’re playing for now. I want those things for you.

There’s something wonderful that happens to a man when he finds his confidence, turns on his passion and tunes into what he really wants. That’s the journey we take together. And it’s a journey that opens the door to real, honest, loving and committed relationships that allow you to be yourself.

Am I someone who can help you?

I don’t know – let’s find out. I offer a free half-hour intro session on Zoom. You can sound me out and share a bit about what’s going on for you and see if we’re a fit. There’s no obligation. Nothing to pay. Literally nothing to lose.

Get in touch: https://manmakesfire.uk/contact