Wellbeing Wise Derby

I've seen yet another post saying they're tired of people calling themselves "SEND mums".

I agree with one thing: I dislike the word special too.

Our children's needs aren't "special". They’re ordinary human needs: education, healthcare, friendships, community, opportunities and, ultimately, employment.

The support, adaptations and accommodations they need to access those things? Those may need to be specific.

SEND is MUCH broader than neurodivergence.

Some children have physical disabilities, complex medical needs, learning disabilities, sensory or communication differences, or multiple co-occurring needs. I don't want to list every diagnosis every time I introduce myself.

SEND parent can encompass all of that.

And telling parents to simply say "autism parent" doesn't solve it either.

Because once you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.

What does "autism mum" actually tell you?

👉🏼 Are you worrying about safety or self-injury?
👉🏼 Navigating elopement, aggression & communication?
👉🏼 Fighting for an education environment that doesn't cause distress?
👉🏼 Supporting your child through masking and burnout?
👉🏼 Watching them struggle with bullying or isolation?
👉🏼 Fighting to have their needs recognised after years of being told they're "fine"?

Perhaps you're all of those things.

Our experiences, challenges AND joys can be wildly different.

“Autism parent" is a broad label too.

So maybe we could spend less time policing how parents describe themselves & more time challenging the language & systems that actually cause harm.

💪🏻 Let's challenge:
👉🏼 Language that infantilises disabled people
👉🏼 Assumptions about capacity
👉🏼 The idea that reasonable adjustments are "special treatment"
👉🏼 Barriers to education, healthcare, employment and community

Because whether I call myself a SEND mum, autism mum, parent carer or simply Mum...

I'd rather we focused on whether my child is listened to, supported, included & afforded the same opportunities as everyone else.

That's the conversation worth having. 💛

Autism Central offers NHS-funded support for parents, carers and support networks of autistic people of all ages.

They provide a range of free online group learning events for families and a monthly newsletter. You can also book a free one-to-one coaching session (online or phone) with a peer guide to access practical guidance.

Find more at https://www.autismcentral.nhs.uk/

Upcoming SEND session where you’ll also have the opportunity to take part in:

👉🏼Using potters wheels
👉🏼Making an electronic ‘scribble bot’

So if you fancy checking out what the museum has to offer alongside some fab activities get your spot booked 👇🏼🤓💛

Join us for a Calm Start at the Museum of Making for a SEND Friendly Session!

Enjoy a designated ‘quiet’ start to the day, created for children and young people who have Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND).

This inclusive, sensory-considerate session will include:
• Reduced visitor numbers to create a calmer atmosphere
• Visual supports and clear signage
• Designated quiet spaces for rest and regulation
• Fidget resources available to use

📅25 August
🕛10.00 – 11.30am (The Museum of Making will be shut to those that haven't pre-booked a ticket for this session until 11:30am but the River Kitchen will still be open to everyone from 10am)
🎟️FREE but pre-booking is essential

Find out more and book your ticket here: https://derbymuseums.org/event/join-us-for-a-calm-start-at-the-museum-a-send-friendly-session/

Image: Pictoria Pictures

2 dates left!

🎨 Free Summer Creative Activities for Eligible Young People

A range of creative organisations have partnered with Derby City Council to offer free creative activities for eligible young people this summer. The sessions aim to help build confidence, develop connections and support resilience.

A free lunch will be provided at every session.

Eligible groups include: • Young people from low-income households • Families experiencing financial hardship • Young carers • Care-experienced young people • Electively home educated young people • Young people with disabilities or additional needs

For more information and booking details, please see the event information below. 👇

Seen all the ‘kinda chic’ posts & figured I’d share a couple of my own values, beliefs, approaches.
So here we go, I am here for the…

👉🏼Overshares
👉🏼Dodgy jokes
👉🏼Imperfect parenting
👉🏼Meeting a child where they’re at not where their age dictates they should be
👉🏼Believing that there is no singularly ‘right’ way to parent; your child’s needs & personality will dictate your approaches mostly 🤓
👉🏼Believing that a person’s worth is more than their grades, qualifications, job title, economic contribution
👉🏼Wellbeing before anything else
👉🏼Women supporting women
👉🏼Cheeky swears 🤐
👉🏼Cake, coffee and colourful clothes to brighten the days (I’ve had my emo & goth phases too 🤪🖤)
👉🏼Nature, connection, feeling heard & empowering others are my vibe
👉🏼Oh and visiting the toilet solo (and without someone banging on the door or singing Christmas tunes outside it); also core to my own wellbeing

If you can relate to any of the above then you’re in the right place. Would love to know whether my parenting or professional shares, or maybe it’s a mix of both are what’s brought you to my corner of the socials? Feel free to let me know what you’d love to learn more about in the comments 👇🏼

Well this is good news! 💛

It is believed about one million people could benefit from the change.

Read more: https://bbc.in/4fZGQYo

Line? Full House anyone?? I present to you:
School Holiday Bingo 😂

Because apparently 6 weeks is about 23 years when you’re being asked for snacks every 12 minutes, someone is “BORED”, & apparently everyone else touching anything you own is actually a personal attack.

And if your child is non-speaking, you can switch out the words above with different tones of squeal, screech, scream, yell & grunt… accompanied by hand grabbing, pointing & the occasional device launch across the room😬 I know because I’ve been there 🤦🏼‍♀️ They may not verbalise but we know what they’re communicating.

Of course, none of this is about children being “difficult”. Communication, sensory needs, boredom, uncertainty, hunger, tiredness, regulation… they’re all part of the holiday chaos too. It can just feel all consuming & overwhelming when there is little escape/break/breather from it all 😳

So if your house currently sounds like a combination of a snack bar, wrestling arena & wildlife documentary…
You’re probably doing just fine. 😂

How many have you ticked off already? Any you’d like to add?

One of our members asked us to post this new group, looks great for young people:

We are starting a new Deaf Social Group for Deaf youth between 16 and 25 years old.

It will take place at Derby Theatre every Wednesday evening from 6.30pm to 8.30pm - starting on 9th September.

The bar and cafe will be open for refreshments.

Anyone else? No, just me 🙈

I know I’m not alone because I shared this sentiment on my stories and the response I received was bloody brilliant; very reassuring & validating for me 🥰

Honestly, the summer holidays are a testing time & if I could separate myself into 3 so I could enable them to do the activities they want & have the version of me they relate best to, it would be wonderful, but obviously so far removed from reality!

Parenting kids at different ages & stages is hard, but then throw in different neurotype and needs, and it becomes less of a bit of a juggle and more of an overwhelming, mind blowing, impossible challenge!
Seeing the frustration & hurt in your kids eyes because one of them is requiring more support than the others or the planned activity has to be rescheduled, or maybe even leaving the house is a step too far that day; it takes a toll.
My kids are amazing, but they’re also children with developing brains & we know we don’t reach our emotional maturity until around 25yrs old. So it is hard on them and us as parents. We can’t be everything to everyone, but our children are our biggest priority and our happiness is tied to theirs - when our children are happy, we are happy. When the house feels calm, it creates a sense of calm in us too.

You’ve also got the joy & challenge of the sibling relationships to navigate - one child can trigger another. One child is touching another, breaking another one’s rules, in their extra large personal space, forgot their latest preferred nickname, took the last biscuit 🤯 The list goes on! One minute they can be playing amazingly nicely and the next you’re shutting them in different rooms to prevent injury 🤦🏼‍♀️ It’s exhausting to observe, mediate & navigate and then do the restorative stuff after. Then move on & repeat said cycle 10minutes later 😳

Which is why one of my favourite quotes sums up my approach to parenting - “Not every day can be a good day, but there is good in every day”
Always searching & holding on to the ‘golden’ moments💛