15/07/2026
Copied this from someone, I wish parents would understand, there is no joy in letting a student know they are not ready for a grading. Would You Rather I Lie to You?
Let's face it...anyone who owns a dojo and teaches traditional Karate has seen this look on a student's face more than once. (see photo)
It didn't happen because they were being demeaned. It happened because they believed they had a Kata, a technique, or something they'd been working on correct...but it still needed work.
So the Sensei says, "That was improved, but you need to work on this."
You can almost see the disappointment. They become frustrated. They may even feel a little crushed.
But that's also when one of the greatest lessons in Karate is taking place.
I've been in this situation with students of all ages. It is my intention to compliment their hard work because improvement deserves to be recognised. But I simply will not lie to a student if something is wrong or still needs work. To do that would be a huge disservice, regardless of their age.
None of us who teach Karate enjoy seeing our students upset, but we also know Karate is a never-ending pursuit of knowledge. There is always something to improve. In a society where people have become accustomed to instant gratification, one of our biggest challenges is helping students understand that honest correction isn't criticism...it's one of the greatest acts of respect, and integrity, a Sensei can give them.
Recently, a friend of mine whose child trains at another martial arts school on the other side of the US sent me a video of an interaction between the instructor and their child. The child had been working hard on a Kata and proudly demonstrated it for their teacher. The instructor offered no corrections, gave them a high-five, and simply said, "Great job."
The problem was...the Kata was full of mistakes.
That is why the parent sent me the video. They know me. They trained in my dojo as a child and wanted my honest opinion.
I gave it to them.
My suggestion was to find another school because, based on what I saw, the instructor seemed far more interested in making the child feel good than helping them improve. If an instructor refuses to correct mistakes, the student never has the opportunity to truly learn.
Yes, I know the Kata the child was performing. Martial arts principles are martial arts principles. Stances, power, balance, timing, technique...those things matter regardless of style. For the rank the child held, there should have been far more attention to those details...they were completely missing.
I understand that martial arts has become heavily commercialised. Many schools today will promote just about anyone to any rank, even if they don't really know their material, perform it poorly, or simply aren't ready.
But not in my dojo.
I've watched the look on a student's face when they hear another correction. I've seen the frustration. I've even seen tears. I have even been there myself thousands of times in my own journey.
When that happens, I ask them one simple question.
"Would you rather I lie to you than help you become great?"
The answer is always, "No."
Then I explain that integrity means being honest with people, even when the truth isn't always what they want to hear. My responsibility as a Sensei isn't to make students believe they are better than they are. My responsibility is to honestly show them where they are today and help them become better tomorrow.
If I spend time correcting you, it's because I believe you're capable of doing it better. Every correction is an investment in your progress, not a criticism of who you are.
That being said, you also have to re-read the part where I said we compliment improvement before offering correction. That is vital, regardless of the student's age. Students deserve encouragement when they earn it.
But allowing someone to continue training incorrectly while they believe they are improving is one of the biggest disservices a Sensei can do.
I grew up in a dojo where training could be demeaning...almost bully-like at times. We were pushed as though we were raw recruits in military basic training every class. Very rarely, if ever, was a compliment given...I hated that environment.
I promised myself I would never run my dojo that way.
During my college years, I learned an important principle that has stayed with me ever since: compliment first, correct second. That approach matters.
Still, no matter how encouraging you are, there will be times when a student becomes frustrated because they realise they still have work to do. That's simply part of learning.
Being a Sensei isn't always easy. Sometimes the hardest thing we have to do is tell a student they aren't there yet...they need more work.
But we owe them the truth.
Whether it's a Kata, a technique, self-defence, Kumite, or Kobudo, our students deserve our full attention, our honest critique, and our guidance on how to improve. They deserve a teacher who refuses to let bad habits become permanent habits.
We should never turn a blind eye simply because correcting someone might hurt their feelings for a few moments...or they may possibly quit thus losing out on that tuition. Money can never replace integrity...especially in the martial arts.
Our job isn't to help students simply "get by."
Our job is to help them become the very best martial artists, and people, they are capable of becoming. That will require us to always be honest with them about their training ability. See less
