22/08/2026
CHOOSING THE HIGH.
When I first started insulin treatment, I was advised that at first if I was competing, aim for 13. Safe, but already the top of the amber zone. Over 13 was red. And red, long term, is deadly.
A year and a half in, I’m confident competing in the green. But partying in the green? That’s different.
So sometimes, I deliberately choose the high. Not because I don’t understand the risks but because the drop to below 3 is fast, dramatic and terrifying. The death-drop feeling. The constant fear that a night of drinking, dancing and socialising could suddenly turn into a fight to get glucose back into my body even-though ive been in the green…sometimes I just want to let go, forget the fear.
So for those 24 hours, I run higher. I accept numbers I’d normally chase down, because I want to laugh, dance, drink, stay up late and just be normal without constantly worrying about the low.
I know there’s a price. The week afterwards I’m exhausted, rundown and fighting infections. My body feels the cost of deliberately running higher for that period.
A day after the party, I hold my breath for the ketone check. Because I have friends who have died from DKA I know running high for a long time is a high risk. And I know there isn’t a simple countdown where you can say, I’ve been high for X hours, so I’m safe. DKA is different for everyone.
So that tiny ketone number feels enormous.
It can dictate the next few days, sometimes weeks, of my life.
But in the moment I still choose the freedom of the high.
Because for 24 hours, I want to forget the fear.
I want to be spontaneous. Be normal. Be me.
And then I’ll take the recovery. ❤️🩹
The guilt you feel for this choice is horrific, as a Type 1 D you have the support and medication to not die, but sometimes we need to just make the choice to take the risk and live for a few hours without the burden of balancing life and death. And people judge, but it’s a hard one to explain to someone not living it.
It’s choosing, for a little while, to live without fear. 🤍