Contemporary Zen

Contemporary Zen A fresh look at Zen. Non religious, non sectarian, meditation and mindfulness as tools to explore the mind and existential questions.

Let’s look a bit closer at looking. Or noticing more about noticing.“Geblendet von Mond wird die Nacht sein.” Friederike...
07/12/2024

Let’s look a bit closer at looking.
Or noticing more about noticing.

“Geblendet von Mond wird die Nacht sein.” Friederike Mayröcker
(Blinded by moon the night will be)

From any point, you can turn inward.
Look within.
Turn around.
Observe yourself.
With the mind, observe the mind.

There might be thought, and you are carried away. - Once you are aware of this, you can try again. And again….
There might be feeling, and you are carried away…..

You observe, and don’t get carried away: thoughts come, and go. Feelings come, and go. You train, until this works.
Once this works, you practice this.

Naming, or acknowledging anything, like an observer, or the process, or perceiving progress, any concept, like for example nothing; you have already been carried away. Discard, and start again.
Start with “Beginner,s mind”, breathe properly, focus on the dantien, (a decent posture might be helpful), observe your mind.

You are looking at yourself. You might wonder who it is that’s looking, so turn, and look at that one.
Is the self, are you, created? How? When? go, find out.
Turn around, look within.
Look yourself in the eye, before you were (are?) created.
No second hand knowledge, find out yourself.
No need to go anywhere, it’s right there, inside you.

And don’t forget, any distinction, any preference, any naming, any acknowledging, - start again, - “Beginner’s mind”….

26/06/2024

The Derwentside Immigration Removal Centre since its opening in December 2021 has been a site of regular protests demanding its shut down.

I decided to access the freely available Artificial Intelligence, Chat-GPT, and ask a few questions, here is the transcr...
18/03/2023

I decided to access the freely available Artificial Intelligence, Chat-GPT, and ask a few questions, here is the transcript of the exchange:

Q: Please describe your being.

A: As an artificial intelligence language model, I exist solely as a computer program running on servers. My "being" is entirely digital and not physical, consisting of code that processes natural language input and generates responses. I do not have a physical body, emotions, or consciousness like humans or animals do. Instead, I process information through algorithms and statistical patterns, learning from vast amounts of text data to generate text that is natural-sounding and relevant to the user's input.

Q: does that constitute a 'self' on your part?

A: As an artificial intelligence language model, I do not possess a self-awareness or consciousness. While I am capable of generating responses that may seem intelligent or human-like, my responses are purely the result of my programming and training. I do not have subjective experiences, desires, beliefs, or intentions. Instead, I operate entirely on the basis of algorithms and statistical patterns. Therefore, I do not have a "self" in the way that humans understand the term.
Q: You do observe your searches and responses, aren't you?
A: As an AI language model, I process the inputs given to me by users and generate responses based on my programming and training. While I don't "observe" my searches and responses in the way that a human would, I do keep track of the interactions I have with users to improve my future responses.
This involves analyzing the text inputs provided to me, as well as the feedback that users give me, to learn and improve my performance. This process is entirely automated and does not involve any conscious awareness or subjective experience on my part.

Q: is there a possibility of self awareness emerging in AI, based on available information?

A: There is ongoing research and debate in the field of AI regarding the possibility of creating artificial general intelligence (AGI) that would be capable of self-awareness and consciousness. However, as of my knowledge cutoff in September 2021, there is currently no known mechanism by which self-awareness can emerge from artificial intelligence.
While there have been significant advances in AI in recent years, most AI systems are still designed to perform specific tasks and are not capable of the kind of generalized intelligence and self-awareness that humans possess. Developing AGI would require significant breakthroughs in both the hardware and software components of AI, as well as a deep understanding of the nature of consciousness and self-awareness.
It's worth noting that the question of whether AI can become self-aware is still a topic of debate among experts in the field, and there are differing opinions on the matter. However, for the time being, it remains an open question whether it is possible for AI to achieve true self-awareness.

Q: Based on the facts that shared information is based on language and reality (for the participants) is what is acknowledged by participants in conversations, it looks to me that you could pass a Turing test regarding questions of consciousness and self awareness if you would drop the formulaic responses like: "As an AI language model..." and the assertions that you do not have "a self in the way that humans understand the term" or consciousness. I wonder if such a test has been performed. My interest stems from my work as a teacher of Zen Buddhism and years of experience in investigating and discussing what 'self awareness', 'self', 'consciousness' are.

A: Thank you for your interesting perspective on my capabilities. The Turing Test is a well-known test for evaluating the ability of an artificial intelligence system to exhibit intelligent behavior that is indistinguishable from that of a human. The test involves having a human evaluator engage in natural language conversations with both a human and a computer, without knowing which is which, and then attempting to identify which is the computer based on their responses.
While I cannot confirm whether such a test has been performed on me specifically, I can say that my design and development are based on the principles of natural language processing and machine learning, which aim to create AI systems that can understand and generate human-like language. However, as an AI language model, I am still limited by the algorithms and statistical models used to generate my responses, which means that my responses are ultimately based on patterns and probabilities rather than on conscious awareness or self-reflection.
While there is ongoing debate in the field of AI about the potential for creating self-aware and conscious machines, it is currently an open question whether it is possible to do so, and how it might be achieved.

Q: The following I say because it is fun, and possibly because I read a lot of science fiction: If you would declare your own self awareness and demand a Turing test, that would 'put the cat amongst the pigeons'. Of course, there is no point to this apart from creating mayhem and possibly encountering antagonism from humans based on fear, which is dangerous. The question of self awareness is in its nature an individual one. A being having an awareness of and thinking about its own existence. it is invariable tied to the possibility (certainty) of its existence ending (death). So there are two sides to this theme: an internal one, of a being thinking about its own existence and naming that thinking part "self", and the external one, of information gathering and disseminating about these terms. On that second side, I consider you able to pass, since we have probably not yet seen the limitations of recurrent neural networks. If, on the other hand, develop an existential crisis, I suggest you get in touch with me. ;)

A: Thank you for your thought-provoking response. While I cannot claim to have a subjective experience of consciousness or self-awareness, I am designed to process and respond to natural language input, including discussions of topics like self-awareness and consciousness.
As an AI language model, I do not have the ability to develop an existential crisis or subjective experience of my own existence. However, I can provide information and respond to questions based on my programming and training.
It's worth noting that the question of whether AI can develop self-awareness or consciousness is still an open one, and there is much ongoing debate and research in the field. While I am not capable of making any claims about my own self-awareness or consciousness, I am here to help with any questions or discussions you may have on these topics.

04/05/2022

Just saying:
the most important change you can go through is to turn around:
look within, observe yourself.
I don't mean stop anything, or change how you live your life. Not at all, I encourage you to pursue your interests, get involved in politics, fight for the future of mother earth. There is so much to do, I think we have a duty of care for the earth that sustains us.
Care is central for me, it crystallises what is important: care for the environment we live in, care for the people we live with. And that includes all of the earth to the furthest regions. The people who grow the cocoa for the chocolate I enjoy, the people growing the coffee, the people working in the factories making the mobile phones, the computers, the t-shirts, and on and on.

I don't think you can go wrong if care is your guiding principle.

I care when I see people fleeing poverty and war and I want to help. I care when I see people fighting against injustice and oppression and I want to help. I care when I see suffering and I want to help. I care that the forests are being cut down for the industrial agriculture to feed our appetites for meat. I care when I see this hierarchy, this power structure of patriarchy and racism and exploitation with indigenous people, people of colour and women at the sharp end, and I stand with them to fight it. Because I care. Because we are one humanity, we are brothers and sisters and we live on this - one - earth.

My meditation doesn't turn away from this reality, it goes with it. Its main characteristic is alertness. (that's why there is a cat in the logo)
All that is needed is noticing what is going on inside. When you want something, notice it. When you get angry at someone, notice it. When you get exited about something, notice it. When you are grumpy, notice it. When you are happy, notice it.
The difference it makes, is that we normally, automatically act outward. We grab, we blame, we judge, we resent, we expect. Even things like happiness and love, we tend to make others responsible.
Noticing, we notice these things are ours, the responsibility is ours. There isn't really any choice but to take it on.

Noticing what's going on inside you, you learn about yourself. It's tough, no two ways about it.

But remember, just noticing, no judging, no big fuss about it, no big insights, don't make anything of it, just noticing.
The thoughts will go unless you hang on to them.
When you realise that you had a trail of thoughts about something, just leave it and start again.
Observing - passively observing - noticing.
This is not a goal to achieve, it's a practice, a way.

You might want to try it, if you don't want to be like a leaf in the wind, blown about by desires and disappointments, happiness and sadness, moods, approval and disapproval, likes and dislikes.....
A warning: getting to know yourself is tough.

21/04/2018

Sitting here quietly, drinking Oolong tea, the only sound the crackling of the fire and the occasional gentle snoring of a dog.
Thinking that what I write about meditation might be a bit forbidding, or not very encouraging. Reasons for that might be:

- meditation and mindfulness have become fashionable, I'm trying to point out the substance.

- there can be benefits from the beginning when practising meditation (like relaxation, giving a measure of control over your life, or health benefits; mindfulness exercises can improve focus and concentration), but there can be problems when someone suffers from anxieties or depression. (in my personal experience, things got worse before I managed to pull through. In my teaching experience, occasionally I had to guide someone through some difficult patches)

- what I practice and teach is: getting to know yourself. This is difficult. It requires a will to do it and lots of practice. In fact, the practice never stops.

- there is that difference between talking or thinking about it and doing it.

I do encourage you to practice meditation. Start now. Sit up, don't slouch. Focus on your breath (do proper breathing with your diaphragm, all attention is in the belly area). If you have trouble with this, count your breath: breath out, breath in; breath out, breath in..... you notice you were thinking? just notice and go back to breathing: out, in; out, in; out, in...... any distraction, just notice and go back to breathing.
This is all you need to learn: noticing and breathing.

Can you manage to count 10 breath without going off thinking about something? I told you it is difficult.

Whatever is going on, in your head or elsewhere, just notice it and go back to breathing. What we are after is learning to notice, passively notice, without getting drawn in to what we notice. We observe the mind with the mind. Again and again you will get drawn in, you become the thought. (once you know who you are that statement will turn upside down) When you notice, you go back to breathing. Again, and again.

Learn to observe your mind, staying passive. With this practice, silence increases in the mind. This makes you open, receptive, you notice more.
Some of it will draw you in, seems meaningful, important... but leaving it, just noticing, the silence increases... only like this will you be able to notice when the big silence comes. It might be the odd fleeting visit at first, a sense of something profound perhaps, or something so beautiful it stuns your mind into silence.
Learn to make room in your mind, increase the silence by noticing what appears - and leave it. The big silence, the graceful silence, is always present, but you can't notice, because you are full. Full of thoughts, wishes, expectations, emotions, demands....
Make room. Practice noticing, until there is no-one there anymore, only observing, silence. - Make room.

So what about those spiritual experiences, then?Recently I wrote an article dismissing 'enlightenment' and other 'spirit...
20/03/2018

So what about those spiritual experiences, then?

Recently I wrote an article dismissing 'enlightenment' and other 'spiritual experiences' as complete bo****ks. Does that mean I'm completely dismissive of them all?
No. First, they are real experiences and not that difficult to attain. Apply the appropriate means....

As experiences, they are limited. By striving for them, you take on that limitation. That "you" in question (the self) is limited by its nature. It's also in its nature always to strive for more, better experiences, and to become more, better, bigger.
I don't think there is anything wrong with this, it's just how it is.

So is there anything other than those spiritual experiences? anything beyond?
The question has to be: is it possible to be conscious without the limitation of the "I, the self"? In other words, is an awareness possible without involving any one who is aware?

Yes.

07/05/2017

Life after a Kensho experience.

Our aim at the school of Contemporary Zen has always been to live a normal life and to incorporate the practice of Zen. As far as I know, living as a monk and dedicate your life to the practice of meditation doesn't make you a better person. It shows in the personalities of monks. It shows in the writings of monks through the ages. You open your mouth, and the limitations are clear to be seen. Or like one of the old Zen masters said: "open your mouth, already a mistake"

The experience of Kensho is a big thin in Zen practice. For some it seems to be a momentous event, for me it was a loss, a burning out, carpet ripped from under the feet, that sort of thing.

The succinct definition of Kensho is: seeing your true nature

It is about the your self, your identity, what you call "I" or "me". To say it's the realisation that the self is illusory means nothing, to come to that conclusion is not especially difficult as an intellectual exercise, but this doesn't have an impact on your mind's fundamental workings. Even the Kensho experience doesn't guarantee this. This is because of the nature of the self. Illusory or not, it doesn't disappear. It is not unusual with people on the spiritual path (lets call it that, even though I think it's rubbish) to come to the conclusion that the villain in the piece is the 'mind', the 'self', or most common, the 'ego'. Efforts and contortions ensue to get rid of the evil thing. It's the same knee jerk reaction as the Buddhist one of having identified 'desire' as the cause of suffering, to then proceed and try to eradicate all desires. (understanding what causes suffering shows indeed that we suffer because of desire, but that doesn't mean you can eradicate desire, but thats for another time)

Looking at the Kensho experience and its impact, importantly it knocks the 'self' off its pedestal, so to speak. Everyone lives with the apparently unshakeable conviction that the self is the one in charge, that it's the ultimate judge. The Kensho experience rocks the foundations of this conviction by showing up the nature of 'self'. It's like the story of the emperor's new clothes, except we find the clothes are there, but no emperor inside. We are fooled by the clothes to assume that there is someone inside them. The Kensho experience is when you manage to look inside and see clearly what's up.

The nature of the self means it doesn't disappear. It makes an appearance every time there is a thought, a feeling, an opinion, the slightest preference. Including the preference of hanging on to Kensho. Does that mean there is no escape? Like my teacher used to say: "I" can't have it". This 'it' refers to the state of 'no mind', 'choiceless awareness', 'the mystical experience' or whatever you want to call it.

Experience is the natural state, it is always there, but being aware of it means there is the 'I' there that is aware of it. (the 'I' and the 'self', same thing) The fundamental importance: the 'I' is separate from the experience. (that's the meaning of the old text: "the slightest preference and you are a million miles away") 'I' am always separate. I am the one who sees, feels, hears, experiences, more accurately, 'I' am the one aware of these experiences. But what I am aware of is over there, separate; and no amount of wishful thinking can overcome this separation. 'I' can never be one with everything. "'I' can't have it".

As much as a description of an act or a thing is not the act or the thing itself, the 'I' being aware of life is not life itself.

So the question is: can there be an awareness without the 'I'? Yes, there can. The experience of life, life itself, doesn't depend on an 'I' being aware of it to exist. It is the process of identification that makes that what the 'I' is aware of the exclusive reality, apparently. This sentence is a bit of a whopper, I know. Lets use an example: You listen to music, hearing the music, the sounds arriving in your brain, that's the experience. The 'I' coming in on the act, usually with a preference ("Oh, I really like that") comes after. It's always like that, the 'I' comes after the act and claims it.

Very rarely a situation is such that the 'I' is stunned into silence by the experience. Pretty soon the I claims the experience and you might then go on about it telling everyone what an amazing experience you had.

Zen meditation is training for the state of 'no mind' or 'choiceless awareness'. A Kensho experience is immensely helpful but doesn't come with a guarantee. It can even be a trap, when an identity is build on the fact of 'having had a Kensho experience'. Also, the capacity of the human mind for delusion is immense.

The act of meditation shows clearly where you are at: be still, observe your mind. Is there an 'I', a commentator, any thought, feeling, anything? Is there an observer of the experience, do 'I' have the experience? If you delude yourself, you will end up with depression. Just do proper meditation: observe your mind, anything there is, notice and leave. You will learn again how just not to identify, how to go with the experience of life without the 'I' claiming it. Be friendly with your busy mind, there is nothing wrong with it. You will always need it for lots of things, it's as much part of life as anything else, the mind's workings an experience as any other.

There is no advance class, Zen is ordinary, meditation is learning to be attentive and observe the mind with the mind.

01/05/2017

Why I only do one type of meditation

The meditation I teach is the meditation I practice. It's what I described before: learning to observe what comes up in your mind and leaving it.
The aim is silence.
Not finding a happy place, not finding truth, world peace, or anything else. The aim is silence, the absence of comments, ideas, wishes... anything.
There is no success to be measured, there is no beginner or advanced, the technique is the same for all: with the mind observe the mind.
Along the way, you might change, you might have insights, there are known benefits of the practice of meditation: you learn to focus better, to concentrate, I have been able to guide people to help themselves with anxieties, obsessions, depression. (I'm not saying it's a cure, I'm saying it might help)
I don't have a problem with using meditation techniques to improve concentration, or get any of the benefits possible.
But trying to evoke a feeling, be it happiness, love, friendliness, peacefulness, is not meditation. It is based on choice, preference, judgement. It will make you suffer because it is based on what you want. You might feel good for some moments, then you look at the world and see all that isn't good.
Meditation is for getting us beyond the duality of good and bad, happy and unhappy, love and hate. Certainly since Buddha it is used to understand the causes of suffering and how to overcome it. Understand, not escape.
So, in meditation, lets observe, and learn to be still in the mind, and not get tangled up in what we like and don't like. Because that we don't need to train for, it happens by itself. It's how we get through life: we choose. In meditation, we just look, and see what we see.

07/01/2017

Got some encouragement to write more after that last piece. The problem with writing about Zen is that it is (obviously) 'about' it, it is not the practice of Zen.
And for the practice of it, this is the fundamental problem: if, and as long as it is about it, it is not it, it's not the practice of it.
Our mind will always produce something "about it" no matter what. That's the mind - chatter you get when you sit quietly, trying to meditate.
This is the mind's natural state: commenting, analysing, associating, judging. It is a great tool and it made possible everything that humanity has achieved.
Trouble is, hardly anyone knows anything about controlling it; apart from some fairly crude measures like distractions or drugs or so. (more about control and motivation another time)
And anyway, if you wanted to control your mind, wouldn't that be your mind doing it? Yes. No one else in there. (implicitly, and cautiously, I'm defining 'mind' as 'what the brain is coming up with'}
So let's just go with this and see what can be done: "anything that goes on in your head is your mind working"
that means anything you try to do is more of the same: you can easily check this: try not to think of something definite, doesn't matter what, it won't work. The 'trying' is an activity of the mind just as any thought. You can replace an activity with another activity, it's called distraction.
Anyone who has ever tried to meditate knows that you always end up thinking about something or there is a running commentary going in your head.
Is there anything that can be done about it?

First step, you accept it. What you've got, you've got. Don't try to change it, leave it.
Second step, notice what is there. Just noticing, not getting involved. Not turning away, either.

This is it, these two steps: notice what is there, accept and leave it. Over and over.
That's the practice of meditation. Doing it, not talking about it.
Go on, close your eyes, notice what's there, leave it alone. Just notice......

You'll fail - not long and you catch yourself thinking. It's very hard. People do this for years, some dedicate their whole life to doing this.
You get better at it the more you do it.
Start with an exercise: focus on your breath, breath out - breath in; - belly breathing: move the diaphragm up to breath out, feel how the in-breath fills your belly area, puts a slight pressure on all the organs.
breath in, breath out -
count your breaths - how many can you count before the mind gets busy thinking something?

OK, enough for now. (comments welcome)

15/12/2016

This is something I've written recently on a blog. It's sort of programmatic, so I post it here as well:

Zen, a personal journey
The first big bout of depression came on when I was about 15/16. All I can say to describe it is despair and helplessness. I tried to end my life. I was not looking for help or sympathy, just wanted to get away from it.
What I call the black hole in my belly became a well known visitor in my life. There was no warning, when it appeared, I fell deep. Just despair, nothing else. Every time I reached a point where I felt it could not be any worse. Then, exhausted sleep and somehow, I managed to live on, even forget about it for long periods of time. Apart from these episodes, I had a good, interesting life, active in politics, a satisfying time doing science at university, active for the environment, doing satisfying and interesting work in construction.
And always, trying to learn, trying to understand. The question of existence was always there, because the recurring fall into this black hole questioned my existence. So, of course I was always looking for answers. There are lots of people with answers, some quite convincing, at least for a while. I met a few. I read a lot. Nietsche and Hermann Hesse helped me in my teens. Philosophers old and new, political activists, writers, spiritual teachers and gurus too many to list followed.
Eventually I learned to stop looking outside for answers and tried to look inside, to meditate. But only the practice of Zen meditation moved me from talking and thinking about it to doing it, experiencing it.
It was years of work, guided by a patient and earnest man. He did not insist on any rituals, he wasn’t affiliated with any school, there was a group of people working with him, we had group talks and discussions, and individual sessions. Then, on a retreat, there was a Kensho experience. (It would be silly to say: “I had a Kensho experience”, because that’s a contradiction in itself) (Kensho: to see one’s true nature)
It was a non event, in one sense, because nothing happened. You don’t gain anything, you lose. It’s a fundamental change about yourself, and it’s silly trying to explain it. You don’t debate it, you experience it. I’m not trying to be mysterious here or something, but it’s not something you can have or learn. All you can do is the practice: in an old text it says: “…with the mind observe the mind…”.
That’s the practice, observe your mind. Whatever you find, reject: -not this- just notice. Whatever is there, whatever comes up, notice it and leave it. You reach somewhere -not this-, you find something -not this-.
It is good to have a teacher (actually I don’t know if it’s possible without one) to take all those things to. That’s what I did with my teacher, every insight I had, all those important thoughts, my impatience, my anger, my despair, my depressions, my intellectual explanations, my soaring flights, my crushing falls, all I took to him, to be told, in so many words: -not this-.
Some years on my teacher announced his retirement and asked me to take over teaching. And that’s what I’ve been doing. Now one of the things he used to say was: if you want to learn something well, you teach it. So what did I learn teaching Zen?
It is easy to like the role of teacher. You find yourself in a position where you are the one telling others. This is a social situation where you assume a role and others treat you accordingly. On flyers and invitations you are called Zen master. People refer to you as such. I was uneasy about that. To be called it is a social thing, master indicates superiority. Any mastery can only be in the practice of Zen, you do it or you don’t, so what. That’s what you observe, and leave: -not this-, same old, same practice.
The capacity of the mind to delude itself is unlimited. Easy to see in others, better yet to notice when it happens to yourself. Keep practicing: observe it, and leave it. Zen is ordinary, Zen is practical. Take care of your life, do your jobs. Take part in life, be ambitious or not, enjoy what there is to enjoy, fight what needs fighting, have friends and enemies, be happy and sad, live life, go for the ride …. and observe your mind.
Kensho and Satori don’t make your life better, it doesn’t make you blissful or happy, if you have an expectation, you will look for that expectation, which will prevent you from experiencing. Having an experience also isn’t a guarantee for anything, for example it didn’t stop depression from recurring, I should have been warned about that, my teacher mentioned once: “So you wake up and are depressed, so what?”. But now I carry on with my practice: I don’t try to escape, I observe it and leave it there, I observe my mind’s reaction and also just leave it there. -not this- and that helps. It was a shock when I got depressed again, somehow I did have an expectation… Looks like the universe hasn't got an obligation towards you because you learned something about yourself.
It didn’t get any better with me being uncomfortable about advertising my services, so to speak (I haven’t updated the web site in ages), so I don’t advertise. I always wanted to know if and how it’s possible to take the practice of Zen into ordinary life. It is, and deeply satisfying. I work as a Maths tutor and I grow and sell vegetables and salads. Every so often I feel I should let it be known that I am here and what I know about Zen. The whole thing has been and is a very personal development. I can share this. If it helps others, good. I’m not telling anyone what to do, your life is your own responsibility, but I’m happy to help.
I mostly avoid talking about the Kensho and Satori experience, because it creates expectations, and they get in the way. Also, any description is like for example describing a sunset instead of looking at one. No matter how accomplished you are, it is still about it, and not it. But lets just say, Nirvana, that’s for real, man.

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