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The Parenting Partnership

As a Mum of 3 and an experienced parenting coach, I'd love to support you on your parenting journey. Private consultations, talks, courses, and workshops

I am here to help with practical and proven tools to help your family thrive.

08/02/2024

This week is Children’s Mental Health Week, run by the brilliant children’s mental health charity Place2Be. This year’s theme is ‘my voice matters’, and the aim of the week is to help children and young people use their voices to feel heard, and in turn, equip them with the tools they need to express themselves and support their mental health and wellbeing. So, how can parents make children feel confident and empowered to believe their voice really is important? Below, our parenting expert Heather Rutherford at The Parenting Partnership explains how we can all encourage the expression of thoughts, opinions and feelings at home: https://bit.ly/3STgSdD

11/08/2023

With the summer holidays in full swing, our teens (and parents!) are currently enjoying a much-needed rest from many stressful months of revision and exams. But this year’s exam cycle isn’t over quite yet. A-level and GCSE results days are looming, and for many families, the nerves are still high. To help, we asked our parenting expert Heather Rutherford from The Parenting Partnership for her advice on how to emotionally prepare for exam results, regardless of the outcome. Head to https://www.talkeducation.com/news/a-level-and-gcse-results-day-how-to-feel-prepared-whatever-the-outcome

20/01/2023

Would you love never to have to ask twice ? 🙂

Cooperation is about connection.

Our kids are wired to seek our attention and they’ll keep repeating whatever behaviour gets the biggest bang for their buck.

Think about this - if we’re in the habit of giving our kids lots of attention whenever they don’t get it right, and little or no attention when they do, which behaviour do you think they’ll keep repeating…. and repeating ?

If we work hard, and it takes energy to change a habit, to notice and mention all the little things our kids get right, we’ll see more of that behaviour we’re looking for.

And guess what, when our kids know exactly how to get our approval and attention, they feel more positive about us and themselves, closer to us and the positive cycle continues -

positive behaviour > positive attention > positive feeling about themselves > more positive behaviour ❤️

‘You remembered to put your glass in the sink. That’s helpful’

‘Thanks for remembering to leave your phone on the counter so we’re not distracted during supper’

I’ll leave you with this one for the weekend & give you another strategy next week that ends the repeating nagging and shouting

Happy weekend ❤️

12/12/2022

As the holiday fervour takes hold, are you feeling just a little stressed or overwhelmed?

Believe me, you’re not alone.

Thanks to for sharing my article and here’s a little preview of my actionable tips to have the calm, connected holiday you want for your family this year.

🎄Make a plan - think about what pushes your buttons. We all have things that set us off but this year make a plan for how you’ll meet them head on…. ( lots of examples in the link)

🎄Embrace the emotions - it’s normal for ALL of us to have highs & lows during what is so often an emotional & full on family time. Whether it’s disappointment, exhaustion or euphoria, acknowledging, validating & naming the emotions calms us all. Click through for some helpful scripts ..

🎄Focus on the importance of family traditions - these are the ties that bind us.

🎄Be present - this can be the best present you’ll give OR receive 🎁. When everyone’s emotional cup is full, you’ll see more connection, cooperation and calm.❤️

🎄Finally, I try to remember that good enough and gratitude, rather than perfect, are key to embracing and enjoying our families and cherishing ourselves ❤️

For all the details click the link in bio.

And have a happy and safe holiday 🎄

06/12/2022

Thanks for sharing my article on parenting through divorce and how we can help our children to safely navigate worry and anxiety.

The more we can tune into and try and deeply understand their feelings, including feeling anxious and worried, the better chance we have of staying connected and helping them feel safe, listened to and secure.

04/12/2022

Wondering how to manage the gap between wants and reality when it comes to presents ?

Trying to figure out just how to manage your kids’ expectations and their disappointment without shaming them or putting them down?

Think about this:

Imagine that you said to your partner …. “I really want Taylor Swift concert tickets for Christmas"

and in reply he or she said

“Don’t be ridiculous. There is no way we can afford those and she hasn’t even said when she’s coming. What planet are you on?”

How would you feel?

If instead your partner had replied while giving you a hug

“Oh sweetheart, I know how much you love Taylor Swift. You wish you could have those for Christmas. You’ve always loved her and you'd love to see her live SO SO much. That’s tough”

How do you feel now?

Rather than shut down, you probably feel acknowledged and understood even if you are still really disappointed.

Our kids don’t want us to shut them down or point out why they are wrong for wanting things either. We all want and wish for things, some of which are unrealistic or impossible and we all need to learn to manage and experience disappointment but we also know that appreciating what we have feels good. We can all have wish list.

Acknowledging, empathising and allowing children (and adults !) their wishes, helps them feel understood, soothed and helps them move on to appreciate the giving and receiving that the holidays bring.
❤️🎄

09/11/2022

How can we help our kids avoid the pitfalls of perfectionism?

This striving for the unattainable, where nothing less than perfect is so often seen as failure, is exhausting, stress-inducing, can affect their mental health and it continues to be on the rise.

What can we do to help?

In my article for Talk Education], we look at what unhealthy perfectionism looks like, how it’s different from a healthy striving to achieve and 5 things we can do to support our kids:

1. Acknowledge, validate and normalise their feelings - we need to talk about it.

2. Help them change their internal soundtrack. Show them that they are capable, brave and resilient.

3. Help them value the struggle and the mistakes. Keep an eye on what you ‘value’ . Is it the outcome ( ‘what did you get on your test?’) or the effort (‘that was a real struggle. What an effort you put in. You’ve learned so much’)

4. Make your family a shame free zone. Talk about and embrace failures & mistakes, including your own.

5. Dispel the myth of effortless perfection. our kids are bombarded by the message that accomplishment and success are effortless. it’s so not true and we need to bust that myth !

For the full article, lots of ideas and scripts to use with your kids, head over to Talk Education] via the link in my bio

17/10/2022

Day one done for many on half term break and not a moment too soon as our kids are exhausted.

We'd love them all to get back to school, whether it's after a one or two week break, feeling rested, reconnected to us and ready for the remainder of the term.

We’d really like to enjoy our time together. How can we do our best to make that happen?

I’ve learned over the many years with my 3 kids that parenting on the front foot is the way to go. It’s another way of saying proactive parenting and it’s about thinking and planning for the practicalities but also and probably more importantly always taking our kids’ temperaments into account as well as the inevitable emotions.

Here are just a few examples of things I might ask myself:

• What am I going to do about the cry of ‘there is nothing to do’..that doesn’t involve a screen?

• Rather dreading the inevitable sibling squabbles, how am I going to manage?… and yes some sibling argy bargy is a good and healthy thing.

• I get palpitations just thinking about the screen time arguments… how will I avoid the battles and the late nights?

• I really want to spend time with each of them as I miss the quiet relaxed pace of holidays.. but with 3 how will I manage?

All pretty reasonable questions don’t you think?

Happily I have thought them through and shared my top tips in this article for ( linked above)

Sneak away, if you can find a moment, have a read and let me kinow what else you do to make the most of the precious time you have together. Xx

13/09/2022

I have been quite overwhelmed by my family’s reaction to the very sad death of Her Majesty the Queen.

Not because my kids aren’t sensitive, caring, or empathetic but because I don’t think I appreciated how much they were touched by their relationship with the Queen.

It was a relationship with someone they never met, but someone who has always been a part of their lives, someone they respected, deeply cherished, and admired.

She was also a tie to the past, to that generation which gave them comfort, warmth, security and which meant family.

It’s a testament to an incredible woman that we are all so moved. It’s been wonderful to talk about her life and what she meant to us all.

It’s heart warming as well that despite all the really tough stuff going on around us, generations can come together in their admiration, their gratitude and their grief.❤️

Rest in peace

27/07/2022

Love this! you can just feel your shoulders relax after the first breath -

26/07/2022

Resilience is a hot topic .

We're told that today resilience and emotional intelligence are the keys to success.

Nurturing your child's resilience can feel pretty overwhelming when you're just trying to find matching socks (we've given up), get your kids out the door so you can get to work or avoid another exhausting bedtime power struggle with your 5-year-old.

Help is at hand in the article that I wrote for the excellent coaching platform Careering into Motherhood.

I’ve boiled it all down to some simple language with sentence starters that we can all use to give our kids independence, teach emotional intelligence, and build resilience.

From asking our kids what THEY think, to having the courage to revisit the times when things didn’t go so well, to using our emotion coaching muscle and remembering to point out when our kids DID get it right, there are lots of ideas to help you quietly consistently build resilience this summer

Follow the linkin my bio to the full article and let me know how you get on.

xx

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