23/09/2022
The day before yersterday the word 'Undefended' rose up inside me.
And I knew.
This was my next word.
The Deep carried me to that word.
She brought me to the place where I could dare to choose a word as dangerous as that.
Undefended
This is my word,
by which I mean,
there is something of my truest self in that word.
Some of my deepest, most connected moments have been the times when I've cracked open my heart wide and let everyone see inside.
Stood, emotionally naked,
while the world inside me shifts and rearranges around this newer, truer me.
That word stirs something in me.
What would it look like to live a life without defences?
Where the me you see and hear and feel on the outside is the me I see and hear and feel on the inside.
I noticed a long time ago the way people described me wasn't always how I experienced myself.
They used words like gentle, quiet, shy but I knew I could be loud, wild and confident.
I also knew, without anyone saying it explicitly,
that people preferred the gentle, quiet me.
So I packed the other me away.
I bit my tongue and hid the things I saw.
I made sure everyone around me was happy and safe and doing ok.
I think that's why I fell in love with coaching.
I saw the possibility of permission,
permission to be me.
I ask for it explicitly.
Are you willing for me to be real with you.
Really real?
I will tell you what I see and what I hear.
No filters.
Much grace,
but no filters.
They say yes.
My life changes.
And so does theirs.
And now I'm here.
In this space.
Daring to let down my defences.
Longing to be real here too.
Really real.
I will tell you what I see and what I hear.
No filters,
much grace.
Learning to live,
undefended.
Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash
If something stirs in you too at the thought of an undefended life and you'd like some support on the journey send me a message. I'd love to connect with you