22/09/2026
Babies don’t learn to regulate by being left to “calm themselves down.” They learn regulation through us. 🤍
Under the age of two, a child’s ability to regulate their emotions, stress and arousal is still developing.
That means when a baby is overwhelmed, frightened, tired, frustrated or distressed, they often need an adult to help bring them back to a calmer state.
This is called co-regulation.
Before a child can consistently regulate themselves, they experience regulation with another person.
It can look like:
🤍 being held when they cry
🤍 sitting closely beside a distressed toddler
🤍 rocking and rhythmic movement
🤍 hearing a familiar, calm voice
🤍 gentle, responsive touch
🤍 eye contact and warm facial expressions
🤍 an adult responding consistently to their cues
And this isn’t simply a parenting philosophy.
Research into infant development shows that caregiver interaction is associated with the physiological systems involved in stress and emotional regulation.
Studies of touch and skin-to-skin contact have also found effects on things such as heart rate, heart rate variability, cortisol and autonomic nervous system activity.
So when a baby reaches for you…
When a one-year-old wants to be picked up after becoming upset…
When a toddler buries their face into their key person because the room suddenly feels too much…
They are not necessarily being “clingy”.
They are seeking connection and co-regulation.
Your close presence can help their developing nervous system move from a heightened state towards safety and calm.
And something beautiful happens through thousands of these ordinary moments:
Co-regulation gradually helps build the foundations for self-regulation.
We regulate with them before expecting them to regulate without us.
That is why responsive relationships, appropriate physical closeness and nurturing touch matter so much in the first two years of life.
Connection isn’t the opposite of independence.
Connection is one of the ways we build it. 🌿🐝