20/03/2024
De escalation is key when managing conflict
1. Think of angry people as a bomb you need to defuse. Defusing a bomb takes time and skill. Don’t just rush in and cut the red wire!
2. Listening, and most importantly actively demonstrating you are listening is key. “Tell me all about it, I’m sorry this has happened, I really want to help”.
3. Try not to interrupt, use visual queues like nodding, short phrases like ‘I understand, I can see why you feel that way, to empathise and demonstrate you are actively listening.
4. Never ever say ‘calm down’ never act aggressively back or up the ante. Keep your voice calm, neutral and at a normal volume. Be like water, they will hopefully mirror you back.
5. Top tip! Take the person back to a time in their story when they weren’t angry. Before the problem started. ‘Hey can you start at the beginning so can I understand’. ‘Where were you?’ ‘What were you doing that day?’.
6. Find common ground, try to deflect the person away from focusing on their rage. I often spot accents or family photos and ask a related question that gently distracts them. Make a joke, pay them a compliment.
7. Remain calm, if you don’t feel calm (that’s normal) just fake it. Control your breathing, think about what you are going to say. Try not to stammer or speed up.
8. Think about your personal safety, keep a safe distance, don’t get cornered, think about how you might exit the situation if needed, who is near by that can help me? Where is the alarm? Where is the exit?
9. Fix the problem if you can or coach the person to solve it for themselves.
10. Once you have succeeded in calming the person down, if you agree to help make sure you follow it through.
