21/05/2025
Typically, ADHD brains are designed to go to sleep later and wake up later than non-ADHD brains.
There is a delay due in the release of a hormone called melatonin, which is what tells your brain and body that it is time for sleep.
I have written this with children in mind, but it applies to adults with ADHD too.
As frustrating as it is for us as parents when our children ‘will not’ settle down to sleep, we need to reposition this as ‘cannot’ settle to sleep - unsupported, yet!
I intend for this to be an accessible nugget of information, so I’ll give you just 5 tips for how to support your child at bed times.
1. ADHD brains often don’t settle well to sleep in completely dark and silent rooms.
Some sort of stimulation, such as a fan, a sleep story, a subtle light projector, the radio on low, can give just enough, but not too much stimulation. Have a few things available so your child can pick what might work on a night by night basis.
2. Sufficient fuel and hydration are essential.
A significant drink an hour before bed means the toileting is done before settling to sleep, the hydration level typically last all night (unless they are poorly or it’s a hot night) save for a small cup of water beside the bed, just in case. if your child is saying they are hungry, this might be low dopamine, which is easily fixed with a smalll oat based (low sugar) snack, maybe with a little warm milk, because this regulates dopamine and supports melatonin onset.
3. Most vitamin and mineral deficiencies will show up in sleep. A decent child friendly multivitamin taken regularly, might make a big difference. You have little to lose by trying, and perhaps, everything to gain. Parents report that they have seen a benefit with magnesium too.
And it’s not a judgement call. There is an increasingly more evidence of a differing physiology with ADHD. For example. We know dopamine re-uptake is often too fast in ADHD. We don’t yet know what else is different, so no judgement, just small increments of change that might make a difference.
4. A bedtime routine. Yeah yeah yeah. Easier said than done. Especially if a parent has ADHD too. Use timers and reminders. Create novelty within predictability (hence why I said to give children a variety of stimuli to choose from), so prep for bed can start and end at the same time, but there are novel and (not too) interesting things along the way. You want the Goldilocks of sensory input, which can be difficult to achieve. But at least now you know what you are aiming for, and why. Trail and error is your friend.
5. Soften your voice as the routine is progressing. And when they are testing you to the point where you want to shout, whisper, but keep your facial expressions open and warm. Please don’t give children power over your words and actions. The softer tone of voice and the whisper, shift things to lower arousal, and demonstrate to the child that you are in control of yourself, and are therefore, a safe adult. This helps their nervous system to settle.
There is so much more that I want to say. But I’m sticking to my plan and sharing a little bit, and will share more another time.
Go easy on yourselves. You’re doing your best. Likely, your kids are too. Sometimes it’s choice and naughtiness, but even that is communication. Assume they ‘can’t’ before you wonder if they ‘won’t’
I hope this helps a little.
Remember that you are looking for better, not perfect. Perfect isn’t required or realistic.
Night night. X
