Coached By Taylor Rae

Amazing what a few days out of routine can do...

Last week, I felt like I was finally feeling a little normal.

This week, everyone is poorly, not sleeping and I feel like I'm going to break down at any point.

I know all the things I need to do to keep me above water, but sometimes it literally is not possible! 

Sometimes it's simply about trying to survive and doing what you can...

My problem is that I forget, think a few days off won't hurt and then BAM.  It's been a week, I've done nothing for myself and wonder why I'm feeling low.

Self care doesn't look the same every single day, it's about doing what you can with whatever the day throws at you

✨️

As soon as I hit my low day I knew I needed something, I also knew I didn't have the brain power, let alone time to meditate or journal.

My head was playing all the same cruel games it always does that make me feel unworthy.   I know I have a tendency to isolate myself,  especially when i don't have the privacy for a phone call.   Instead of the excuses I message a friend and told them how I was feeling

I didn't need a long talk about it, I didn't want to fix it, I just wanted the support and acknowledgement that down days are OK when I couldn't remind myself...

I know ill get through it, I know its normal, but it doesn't make the down days any less s**t. 

When you're in it, it feel like a lifetime without hope.  The simple reminder that you're not alone and that it will pass is sometimes all you need to get through it.

Of course I didn't feel instantly cured. But I did feel like I could just allow my feelings to flow without clinging on to the misery for days on end...

I'm focusing on what I CAN do each day, not what I'm missing out on.

Sometimes just keeping everyone alive is the best I can do, and that's a win!!
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Learning to love every part of me 🤍

Post partum journey
1 week 》1 month 》2 months 》3 months

This body has created, nurtured, birthed and fed 2 beautiful babies.
I am grateful for being a woman and all the magical things we are able to do.

This is 3 months of doing nothing but caring for my babies and taking time for my mind.  Time I do not regret at all.

But I forgot how much my physical and mental health are linked....

Just 1 week back into working out I feel amazing!

I'm nowhere near as strong as I want, or look as I imagined; but I'm sleeping better, my mind is clearer, I have more patience, the world just feels a little lighter.

My body will never be the same as before, but I'm excited to see what we can achieve.

Also....how was there actually a baby in there?! I miss my bump 💔

-love

It's been a minute...well 4 & 1/2 months to be exact...but I am finally starting to feel like me!!

Just 2 weeks of adding in a little self care each day and 1 week of a workout program and I know I am back on the right path ✨️

I cant lie, it was so tough to start, but now I have, it doesnt feel like I've done much at all. 

It's amazing how much the smallest things can feel like mountains; but sometimes you just need to do something, anything, to get started and the rest will fall into place...

Just commiting to 10minutes a day for myself has given me more control over my thoughts and my actions. 

As a mum of 2, I'm gonna lose my s**t sometimes, but by looking after myself more I can minimise doing that as much....especially when sleep deprived.

Just having 10minutes gives me a chance to acknowledge limiting or intrusive thoughts, and stop them from spiralling.  I'm actually having time to focus more on the good, and let go of the bad.

It hasn't been easy, especially when there's always a giant to do list; but I know that for my family to be happy, I need to be happy.

Mental health isn't there to be fixed, just the same as physical health.  It's something you nourish and care for daily in order to be the best version of you.

I'm not working on being perfect, I'm simply working on better than I was yesterday.

It took all my strength and energy to find the time to do this for me, but as soon as I started, I know how much more I want to do. 

Self love is the goal.  No matter how I feel or what I look like, I vow to give myself love at every stage🤘

Cuddles in the morning make the sleepless nights a little easier

Running on empty for what feels like a lifetime. The mental & physical pain of exhaustion is real!

Still trying to take each day as it comes but working twice as hard to give back to me a little more...

Guess how I found confidence in my post natal body??

Bought new clothes that actually fit me!!

💚

I am currently bigger than I ever have been. Of course its a challenge learning to accept and love my new body but I'm getting there...

Instead of stressing about 'bouncing back', I wanted to make sure I gave myself time to fully recover and heal. And that means accepting myself at every stage....even if I don't feel that every day.

I know I want to be slimmer and stronger, and i will be, but right now I respect and love my body for everything it has done for me.

Plus, what mama doesn't need a good night out?!
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Just like that, it's your first day of school!

I was so scared of the pressure a new baby would put on our relationship, I had no idea how much more it would grow

I had no idea how much more I could love you. I am thankful for every struggle I have faced with you, making me stronger than ever before.

We grow together, always 🤍

The only time limits are those you place on yourself. Be kind to yourself 🤍

❤️

Reflux...the silent bitch!

Both our bubbas have had silent reflux; luckily this time I knew the signs and I wasn't taking any chances.

At 3 weeks old I noticed Leo getting more and more agitated when laying down,
especially after feeds.

I phoned the doctor straight away and they put him on baby gaviscon. This definitely made a change but caused constipation...
Now they've swapped him to omeprazole, he is finally a happy and chilled out baby!

♡

Dealing with a baby with reflux/silent reflux can be extremely tough!
The constant crying, not knowing whats wrong with them or how to help....

As a new parent, there's nothing worse than feeling like you're doing something wrong.

Problem is, sometimes our bubbas just aren't developed enough to keep it down....it's as simple as that!

We can only do what we can to help them until they are old enough to help themselves.

STAY STRONG MAMA, IT GETS EASIER

❌️Signs of reflux:
Stopping feeds to swallow
Heaving with or without vomit
Tense when laying flat
Prefers to be upright
Gurgling tummy

🚼 Tips to help:
Buy wedge to put under mattress in their bed
Feed sitting upright
Hold upright for 20mins after each feed
Cuddles and reassurance. Always.

‼️Always consult a doctor ‼️
If you feel something is wrong, even if you have no clue what it is, ask a doctor or your health visitor.

It's not a failure to ask for help. We waited far too long with daisy as we put it down to colic. If we had known sooner, she could have been more comfortable sooner.

I love being able to feed my babies, it's a beautiful thing.
...but i feel not enough ppl talk about how hard it can also be.

■ What they don't tell you ■

🤱It's a skill learnt by you and baby, it doesnt always come natural!

🤱Breastfed babies can still get colic & reflux. They still need to be burped between every feed.

🤱You need to offer both b***s everytime; and you need to start on the one you finished on.

🤱Breastfed babies feed more often, meaning you need to seriously plan your time between feeds.

🤱Breastfeeding does not guarantee a bond between you and your baby. That may come later and that's ok.

🤱Whacking your tit out in public does get easier

I am so grateful that I have been able to feed both my babies, but I havent enjoyed it both times.

The first time round, i felt the pressure and judgement. As a new mum suffering with , I wanted to do what was 'right' and was worried that if I stopped it would ruin what little bond we had.

This time, ive embraced it much more knowing exactly what I'm getting myself into. I am prepared for the struggle, so I can see more of the beauty.

I love the way Leo looks at me when he feeds, and his little noisy nuzzle when he's hungry. But with daisy, we bonded so much more once she moved onto bottles at 9 months old.

This time, I'm much more relaxed and am perfectly happy to give formula now and then...if I need an extra hour sleep, or want to get the dog out, or just need an hour to myself!

Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing to be able to do. We are incredible, fascinating creatures that literally tailor the milk to your babies needs.

But you know what's even more important? A happy mama

Breastfeeding is a comitment and there is so much pressure from everyone to have to do it, but what's most important is that you do what feels right to you.

Your baby will be happy and fed whether b**b or bottle. Becoming a is tough enough, don't add pressure where its not needed.

Everyone's journey is completely different, each equally beautiful.

Enjoy your journey, however it looks.

One of the best things I was told in post natal depression group therapy....

Sounds harsh but hear me out...
We are all s**t mums,  just as much as we are all truly fu***ng amazing but at this point your baby doesn't know the difference.

Nobody is the best at every single thing, we all mess up sometimes.
There is always something we could do better, there are always things that we feel more confident in. 

The 4th trimester is tough! Becoming a parent is a learning curve and a struggle for everyone....
But you know what?? Your baby doesn't even know it!!

To them, you are the absolute best at everything you do!  They love you in every single way which just grows more and more, the more you learn and grow together.

Even if you've spent most of your days broken and crying, they don't know that's not the norm.  They idolise you and love you regardless, just as we did our parents.

They dont remember these early days for a reason.  Be patient with yourself, you are both adjusting to new life. Learn and grow together.

None of us know what we're doing, we're all out here winging it but we're all doing it together!  Lets stop pretending theres this mythical 'perfect mother' and just be what our kids need.....us, just as we are.

-love

Timeline photos

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Newborns are bloody cute....But they also cry, a lot!

We always expect them to be sleepy and snuggly and chill all the time as that's how we see other babies; but we forget they do just as much whinging as the rest of them.

When it's your baby, it can feel like they cry for hours; especially when you're sleep deprived. But it's completely normal.

They are adjusting the life on the outside just as much as we are adjusting to our new life with them in it.

Its so easy to want to jump back into routine but these things take time...I say as I try to remind myself every day!

Newborns are tough, im just trying to take my time in each moment as it comes. Enjoying the cuddles while they last and learning patience through the challenges.

Meet Leo 🦁

Born 40+2 on 31st May @ 1815

The whole experience has been a complete world apart from before. I am so grateful to been given the opportunity to embrace birth as I was able to this time around.

There were still a few little complications, thanks to
I feel confident that it went exactly as it should.

I spent most of my labour in the birthing pool, then requested an epidural just in time to be told he had shoulder distorcia.
All is well with us both, but grateful to have the pain relief on at that point.

Recovery is tougher than I remember, my head is all over the place, as are my emotions, but one thing I'm certain of is how full of love we are 🤍

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing 🤍

But pregnancy is a difficult thing. As much as we know our bodies are fu***ng incredible, they change so much in such a short space of time and it can be difficult to adjust to that.

With every trimester, comes a new 'flaw"

Even in pregnancy we are expected to look s certain way. Everyone has an opinion of what pregnancy looks like but there is no right or wrong.

No pregnancy is the same, because no body us the same and no baby is the same

It's OK to not be totally in love right now, yet still be grateful for all your body is doing.

With my first pregnancy, I felt like Iost my mind and my body. I had no idea who I was....

Now i see we are just learning to love yet another version of ourselves every day, 'flaws' and all.

🤰Homemade stretch mark oil🧚‍♀️

100ml coconut oil
100ml olive oil
50g Beeswax (grated finely)
5ml frankincense
5ml myrrh
5ml lavender
10ml vitamin E oil
5ml rosehip oil

-Heat base oils in a pan together until combined.
-Add essential oils
-Simmer for 5 mins
-Pour into sterile jar
-Leave to cool
-Apply to tummy every night

Once I hit 36 weeks I swapped the frankincense & myrrh with clary sage & neroli to help induce labour but still give my stomach the moisturizing properties.

I used this throughout with my first pregnancy and had ZERO marks. Unfortunately I haven't been as religious this time so a few have appeared but going back to the oil has kept them at bay.

Let me know what you think 🤍

Reflecting on my pregnancy, I realise spent so much time trying not to lose myself.
To maintain something that was still normal, something that still felt like me, to regain some sort of control...but sometimes we need to become truly lost to find new version of ourselves.

I'm already starting to feel a bit lost in it all, losing myself, losing my identity, not to mention my body, when in reality I am still in here - my strengths, my weaknesses, my likes, my dislikes, my love, my pain...It's all there, it's just not the focus right now.

I'm uncomfortable, I'm tired and I'm running out of energy for people!

I felt bad enough not being able to do so much physically, but mentally I'm done!

It's hard not to worry what others think, or to feel out of sorts and guilty for not being present. We put so much pressure on ourselves to keep going as we are; but of course we are going to change as our bodies change throughout!

I am pregnant, I am full of hormones and my mind simply isn't focused on the same priorities it was last year, let alone a few months ago.

I shouldn't feel guilty for not being & acting the same. I shouldn't feel guilty for being a little selfish right now. Now is time to focus on me & my family, everything (and everyone) else will still be there waiting and if not, it wasn't meant for me.

We are fluid, just as life is, we change every single day. So why do we cling onto normality so much when life changing events are upon us?! They are called life changing for a reason! Surely we should be kinder and more patient with ourselves as we would be for others...

The aim of my healing journey has always been to learn to let life flow & to just be; that hasn't changed, it's just become more difficult as life ramps up.

So much is going to change, but I am still me, I'm just in the process of uncovering new parts of myself to add and that takes time. Just as our healing journey, the only way to do this is to lean in and let life flow.

Some days are tougher than others but I'm trying to not be hard on myself. I'm just learning like the rest of us.