08/08/2026
🇫🇷 A question for people living in France - particularly those living here alone
I've been thinking about this for quite some time, and I'd genuinely like to hear other people's experiences.
I've lived in France for many years, and despite everything I'm about to say, I actually love living here. ❤️
I love the peace. I love my life here. I've built a business, I've got involved in my community, I've helped people and animals, I have interests and activities that I enjoy, and I've built a life that I would find very difficult to simply walk away from.
But over the years I've also experienced a surprisingly large number of difficult situations.
Problems with neighbours.
Problems with workers.
People not doing what they said they would do.
Money I've lost because I've trusted the wrong people.
People I've helped who have subsequently turned against me.
Sexual harassment.
Threatening behaviour.
People attempting to intimidate me.
Someone presenting themselves as an artisan behaving completely inappropriately in my home.
A man apparently under the influence of drugs threatening me.
A former worker threatening me after I discovered irregularities, illegal practices and poor standards of work.
I've also been involved in situations where I've tried to help somebody and ended up dealing with the consequences myself.
And I've experienced the attitude of "You English are bad" - those were actually the words said to me by a French man in a situation where I was trying to resolve a problem that I hadn't created. I'd already gone out of my way, and at my own expense, to try to make the situation easier for both of us, while very little was being done from the other side.
I don't say any of this because I think France is a terrible place.
Far from it. 🇫🇷
I think part of the reason I've encountered so many different situations is that I'm very active. I work, I meet people, I travel around different parts of France, I get involved in my community, I help people and animals, and I'm generally out there living my life.
So perhaps it's simply that the more people you encounter, the more likely you are to encounter some difficult ones.
But it has made me wonder about something.
Does being a single woman living alone make you more likely to be tested, exploited, intimidated or taken advantage of?
Do some people see a woman on her own and assume she won't challenge them?
Do they assume she won't know her rights?
Do they assume she won't report them?
Do they assume there won't be anybody standing behind her?
Perhaps some people simply recognise who they think they can push around.
Maybe they initially assume you're going to be quiet, compliant or too frightened to challenge them.
And then they discover that you're not.
You speak up.
You ask questions.
You find out what your rights are.
You refuse to accept something you believe is wrong.
And perhaps that's when you can become a target.
Not because you went looking for trouble, but because somebody discovered that the person they thought they could push around isn't actually going to let them.
I've sometimes wondered whether that has happened to me.
Perhaps somebody has thought, "She's on her own. She'll probably just accept it."
And then they've discovered that actually, no - I won't.
But I also don't want this to come across as though I'm saying I feel helpless or constantly vulnerable, because I don't.
I've developed pretty good coping mechanisms over the years.
I'm independent. I'm active. I work. I have interests and activities that I enjoy, and I actually get a huge amount from working.
I've also learned to choose who I work with. I won't work for people who are rude or disrespectful towards me. Life is too short.
And there is something about myself that I'm actually quite proud of.
Despite everything that has happened, I've never become somebody who is rude to people.
I don't swear at people when they upset me.
I don't deliberately humiliate people.
I don't threaten people back.
Even when I've had to tell somebody to stay away from me because their behaviour has frightened or threatened me, I've still tried to do it respectfully and politely.
Even when somebody has hurt me, taken advantage of me or stolen from me, I've tried to maintain my own standards of behaviour.
That doesn't mean I won't speak the truth.
If somebody has done something wrong and I explain honestly what has happened, they may feel embarrassed or humiliated by the truth. But that's not me deliberately humiliating them.
If somebody feels exposed because their own behaviour looks bad when the truth is told, that's a consequence of their own actions.
And sometimes, when people realise that they have targeted somebody who isn't going to simply accept what they've done, the situation can become worse.
I've experienced that too.
But I've also learned that not every situation needs to be fought.
There have been times when people have asked me for help, I've gone above and beyond for them, and ultimately they've behaved in ways that made me realise I needed to remove myself from the situation.
I've learned that sometimes you reach a point where somebody is telling other people a version of events that simply isn't true, and you could spend your entire life trying to convince everyone otherwise.
But if somebody needs to create a false version of events to justify their own behaviour, that's their choice.
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is recognise that the situation is no longer healthy for you, walk away and get on with your life.
And I've become much better at that as I've got older.
Standing up for yourself doesn't always mean standing there and fighting.
Sometimes it means knowing when to say, "This isn't healthy for me anymore," and putting your energy into the people and things that actually matter.
I've also learned when something has gone beyond simply standing your ground and needs to be dealt with properly.
There have been occasions where I've involved the gendarmerie, and in some situations that has stopped threatening behaviour very quickly.
So I don't believe every problem has to be fought personally.
Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is recognise that something has crossed a line and get the appropriate people involved.
But I do wonder about people who don't have the confidence, knowledge or ability to do that.
I've seen couples in France who have been ripped off by workers, threatened or treated badly and have simply done nothing about it.
Not necessarily because they wanted to accept it, but because they didn't know what to do, didn't speak enough French, didn't want the hassle, were frightened of confrontation, or simply thought:
"It's too complicated. I'll leave it."
I've seen older people become extremely vulnerable as they got older because they were living alone, didn't have family nearby or didn't have people who could regularly come and help them.
And I've seen older men experience that vulnerability too.
I've also seen people reach the end of their lives and die alone, without their family or loved ones being able to get there quickly enough to be beside them.
Sometimes that's not because their families didn't care.
It's because they're living in another country, another region, or simply too far away, and by the time somebody realises how serious the situation is, it can be too late.
That has stayed with me.
Because when you're living alone in another country, there isn't necessarily somebody nearby who notices that you're struggling, knocks on your door, takes you to an appointment, helps you deal with an official matter, challenges somebody who's taking advantage of you, or simply sits beside you when something frightening happens.
And I think that vulnerability can become greater as we get older.
You can be completely independent, capable and happy - but independence doesn't mean you don't need people.
I've lived alone in France for many years. I have people I can talk to, but that's different from having somebody nearby who can simply drop everything and be at your door when you need them.
And that's something I think we should perhaps consider more when we talk about moving abroad.
Not just:
🏡 Can I afford the house?
☀️ Do I like the weather?
🇫🇷 Will I enjoy the lifestyle?
But:
Who will actually be there for me when I'm vulnerable?
There is another thing I've occasionally wondered about too.
I sometimes wonder whether some people simply don't like the fact that I used to work in a role where I had responsibility for other people's welfare, behaviour and safety.
If somebody asks what I did before I came to France, I tell them. It's part of my life.
I'm still in contact with people I previously had a professional duty of care towards, and I'm still in contact with former colleagues. Those relationships are actually a very important source of support for me.
I've also met people here in France who have worked in similar roles, and there's something quite comforting about meeting people who understand that part of your life without you having to explain it.
Perhaps my background has influenced the way I approach things.
I've spent years in a profession where understanding behaviour, assessing risk, protecting people and dealing with difficult situations were part of everyday life.
So perhaps I'm less inclined to simply accept behaviour that I consider wrong, threatening or potentially criminal.
And perhaps some people don't like that.
I don't know.
I'm certainly not suggesting that everyone I've had problems with knows about my background, or that my former career is the reason I've experienced these things.
But it is something I've wondered about.
Living in France has also made me look at immigration very differently.
Before moving here, my experience of immigration was largely from the other side. I understood the UK system. I knew the language. I knew where to look for information. I knew roughly who to contact when something went wrong.
Then I moved to France and suddenly I was the outsider.
You realise how much you take for granted when you live in the country you were born in.
You have to learn the systems again.
You have to learn the language.
You have to understand the culture.
You have to work out who is responsible for what.
And when something goes wrong, it can be incredibly easy to think:
"It's France. It's complicated. There's nothing I can do."
But I've never really accepted that.
I've often thought:
If this had happened to me in the UK, what would I do?
Then I research what the equivalent process is in France.
I translate things when necessary.
I find the right department.
I make the phone calls.
I write the letters.
I find out what my rights are.
And I do it.
My professional background has probably helped enormously with that because I'm used to investigating things, finding information, understanding procedures and not simply accepting "that's just how it is."
But what about people who don't have that confidence?
What about people who don't speak much French?
People who are older?
People living alone?
People without family nearby?
People who are frightened of authorities?
People who simply don't know where to start?
Are some people being taken advantage of because they believe there is nothing they can do?
And is this one of the reasons some people eventually return to the UK?
Or are some people simply stuck in a rut in France because they don't know how to get out of these situations?
I've also wondered whether some people have a more peaceful life because they have learned not to challenge anything.
Maybe they have lost money but decided it isn't worth pursuing.
Maybe someone treated them badly but they remained silent because they didn't want trouble.
Maybe they've been threatened but chose not to report it.
Maybe they've simply accepted that sometimes you have to put up with things when you're living in another country.
Perhaps that gives them a quieter life.
I honestly don't know.
Because I've taken the opposite approach.
If something directly affects me, I will protect myself.
If somebody does something illegal or seriously wrong that affects me, I'll find out what I can do about it.
And if I've discovered something that could potentially help or warn other people, sometimes I'll share that too.
There can be consequences for doing that.
Sometimes people don't like you when you challenge things.
Sometimes they'd clearly prefer you to keep quiet.
Sometimes other people don't want to know because they'd rather not get involved.
And sometimes you end up wondering whether people think you're the problem simply because you're the person who refuses to remain silent.
That's a difficult place to be.
Because eventually you can start questioning yourself.
"Maybe I shouldn't tell people this."
"Maybe they'll think I'm difficult."
"Maybe they'll think I'm always involved in problems."
"Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut."
And when you're already living alone, that can become quite isolating.
But I don't want to spend my life fighting battles either.
As I'm getting older, I'm thinking much more about that balance.
I have long-term friends in England who have known me for many years. People who, if I saw them tomorrow, would probably carry on as though I'd never been away.
And sometimes I wonder whether I should return.
If I'm going to make that kind of life-changing decision, realistically I probably need to make it sooner rather than later.
But then I look at what I have in France.
I genuinely love living here.
I love the peace I do have.
I've built a business.
I've built connections.
I've got interests and things that matter to me.
I've got more here than I would probably be able to build up again in the UK for several years.
And I'm not sure that, at my age, I necessarily want to start again from scratch.
So I'm genuinely torn.
And perhaps that's why I'm writing this.
A few years ago, I set up a network to help people find work and to support people through bereavement.
I'm now looking at expanding that network. 🌱
Part of what I'm doing at the moment is research.
I'm trying to understand what people actually need.
Could a completely free network provide somewhere for people to talk about problems they've encountered?
Could people share experiences and warn each other about things they wish they'd known?
Could people who have already navigated particular problems help others find possible solutions?
Could we connect people with the right organisations, services or information rather than allowing them to simply give up because everything feels too complicated?
Could we create somewhere where somebody can say:
"This has happened to me. I don't know what to do."
And instead of being told:
"Oh God, you've got another problem,"
somebody says:
"Okay. Let's see what we can find out." 🤝
That's the sort of network I'm interested in building.
My business has also become successful partly because people know that I look out for vulnerability.
If somebody is elderly, bereaved, living alone, struggling with the French system, unsure what their options are, or simply doesn't know where to turn, I'm prepared to help them find solutions where I can - often without charging them.
I don't want to take advantage of people's vulnerability.
I want to help people become less vulnerable.
And perhaps that's why all of these experiences have made me think differently about what I could do next.
I've probably experienced - or at least encountered - a pretty broad range of the unpleasant things that can happen when you live in France.
Rather than simply seeing that as a collection of bad experiences, I'd like to see whether some good can come from them.
So I'm genuinely interested in hearing from other people who have lived in France for a long time - particularly single women, older people, people living alone, and people who have moved here without a large family support network.
Have you ever felt that being alone made you more vulnerable?
Have you ever felt that people assumed you wouldn't challenge them?
Have you ever stayed quiet because you were frightened of the consequences?
Have you ever challenged something and then found yourself isolated because people thought you were "making trouble"?
Have you ever felt that people were more interested in keeping the peace than in standing up for what was right?
Have you ever wondered whether you're better off accepting something that's wrong simply because challenging it will make your life more complicated?
And if you've returned to the UK after living in France, was this part of your decision?
Or have you stayed in France and found a way of building a support network that made you feel less vulnerable?
And perhaps most importantly:
If there were a completely free network for people living in France, what would you actually want it to provide?
Information?
Someone to talk to?
Practical guidance?
Help finding the right organisation?
People who have experienced similar problems?
Support for people living alone?
Support for older people?
Help navigating French systems?
A place to share experiences and lessons learned?
Or simply somewhere you can say, "This has happened to me," without somebody immediately assuming that you're the problem?
That's really what I'm trying to understand.
I'm not looking to encourage people to fight every battle.
Sometimes walking away is the healthiest thing you can do.
Sometimes you need the gendarmerie.
Sometimes you need legal advice.
Sometimes you need a mairie, an association or another organisation.
And sometimes you simply need somebody to say:
"You're not imagining this, and there may be something you can do."
Because perhaps the answer isn't that people need to leave France when things become difficult.
Perhaps sometimes they simply need a better network around them to help them deal with those difficulties. ❤️
So, if you've experienced any of this, I'd genuinely like to hear your thoughts.
Are we sometimes better off accepting things for the sake of a quiet life - or is learning your rights, speaking up and protecting yourself actually the better way to live, even if it sometimes makes life more complicated?
