26/02/2026
I’m 34 but in that moment I feel like I am 12 again.
Just wiping a counter.
And my body reacted like I was being graded.
Jaw tight.
Breath shallow.
Hyper-focused on invisible details.
And in my head?
A quiet but relentless loop:
“It could be better.”
“You missed something.”
“Try harder.”
Here’s what’s wild:
I’m competent and I know. I usually do a really good job, above average, I know that too…
I run a business.
I hold clients.
I manage complexity.
And yet in that kitchen, competence didn’t silence the inner critic.
It amplified it.
Because when you were raised on “it could be better,”
you don’t just learn standards.
You learn evaluation.
So even neutral moments — like cleaning a counter —
feel like performance reviews.
If you look capable on the outside
but feel internally under review 24/7…
This is what that looks like in real life.
Today, instead of spiraling, I slowed down.
Long exhale.
Unclenched my jaw.
Hummed while wiping the counter.
Not because I felt calm.
But because I refused to relive childhood in my nervous system.
That’s the shift.
Not becoming less competent.
Not lowering standards.
Just no longer confusing worth with performance.
If this hit, it’s probably not about the kitchen.
And no — you’re not dramatic.
You’re conditioned.
And that can be rewired.
