Cayley Benjamin Coaching

Two weeks ago, we welcomed Sophie Violet into the world. We’ve waited close to three years to hold you in our arms.

The journey to becoming a mama x 2 has been an epic chapter in my matrescence.

It’s been filled with:

* Pregnancy loss
* Unexplained secondary infertility
* Fertility drugs
* IUIs
* IVF
* A challenging pregnancy (alongside a four year old going through all the feels)
* Being two weeks overdue (if you’ve been there or are there right now - I see you)
* A beautiful home birth
* A significant postpartum hemorrhage

And above all, this chapter in my matrescence has been about trusting that that which is of the highest good for all will be - even when that means I don’t get the outcome I want.

Sophie - her name meaning ‘wisdom’. So much wisdom already gained from you xx

📣Announcing a holiday gathering for moms!

Often mothers are behind the magic of the holidays, yet this holiday gathering is curated for you.

Led by Jess Schellenberg and Cayley Benjamin, in partnership with Amanda Langerak from Forage & Bloom, the afternoon will include wreath making alongside meaningful conversation, and a chance to pause before the holiday season.

There will also be mulled wine, festive nibbles and giveaways!

Our hope is that you leave feeling

more grounded
more at peace, and
more connected for the holidays.

Sunday November 26th 2:00-5:00pm at Chorus Kitsilano 2505 W. Broadway

💫Link in our bios to register💫

It’s time to de-bunk one of the greatest lies fed to us as mothers…

Im sure you’ve heard the saying “time is money”.

We’ve been socialized into this belief…meaning we’ve heard it so much through our lives that we believe it to be true without questioning it.

And yet, when we enter motherhood this belief wreaks havoc. It’s the source of burnout in many mothers and of resentment in partnerships.

Think back to the early days of motherhood, or perhaps you’re in them now...

➡️Ever felt like you needed to do more around the house or you needed to get up with the kids in the night because your partner engaged in paid work and had to go to work the next day?

Here’s the truth:

🔥Both partners are working: one paid and one unpaid, yet both jobs take effort🔥

Unfortunately our patriarchal and capitalist society devalues mothering work and tells moms that they should prioritize their partner’s sleep/time because their partner earns more money.

As Eve Rodsky’s says: “All time is created equal. Time is counted in minutes, not dollars.”

Both parents have the same amount of time in a day.

You deserve rest.
You deserve equity.
You deserve partnership.

I’m often struck by how much our western culture is baby centered, not mother centered.

What do I mean by this?

From the very beginning, the experience traditionally focuses on the baby: 

➡️Prenatal education classes
➡️Baby gear lists
➡️Registries for baby stuff
➡️Gender reveal parties 
➡️Baby showers 
➡️The perfect nursery pics on pinterest

The transition to becoming a mother is usually an afterthought, if even thought of at all. Contrary to popular belief - birth, adoption, alone do not make a mother.

As Dr. Oscar Serrallach, a maternal health practitioner, says:

🔥”Becoming a mother is a transformation not an event”🔥

It’s time for motherhood to get a major re-brand:

〰️Becoming a mother is a complex, nuanced, multifaceted, life long journey.

〰️It is a journey filled with stressors and a time filled with growth.

〰️It shifts you physically, psychologically, socially, economically and spiritually.

This is matrescence.

⬇️Tag a mom below and share matrescence with them.

Here’s how language shapes the experience of motherhood…

I was on a conference call recently with a man whose wife had just given birth to their second child a week ago. When we all asked how he was doing, he said something that gave me pause: 

Along with the usual “we’re sleep deprived/tired”, he said “my wife had major abdominal surgery last week”. 

➡️He didn’t say she had a c-section.
➡️He didn’t simply say “my wife gave birth”. 
➡️He didn’t skip the birth part altogether.
➡️Instead, he named what happened. The truth. The facts. 

It gave me pause. How powerful that moment was. How transformational. 

So often mothers are invisibilized, their effort hidden behind closed doors. Our language erases the true physical and psychological effort and skill it takes to mother. 

➡️How we speak about fertility, birth and motherhood influence and shape a mother’s experience. It shapes non-birthing parents' experiences, too. It shapes the experience of those who will be parents in the future. Heck, it shapes everyone’s experience. 

Language matters. 

👇Would love for you to share other examples of language that invisibilizes mothers in the comments below, along with the language upgrade

This week I am so inspired by but not in the way that you might be thinking👇

She’s been making major news headlines by saying that she has given up on tidying on up after having three kids. Cue the big sigh of relief from moms around the world!

"Just after my older daughter was born, I felt unable to forgive myself for not being able to manage my life as I had before. But, with time, I eased up on myself; then, after I gave birth to my second daughter, I let go of my need for perfection altogether," she wrote on her website.

🔥”My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time is the right way for me at this time at this stage of my life.”🔥

“She’s looking at tidiness now through a different lens”, and asking herself “what if every decision you made, every goal you set and every aspect of your life was guided by what sparks joy?”

HERE’S THE THING:

This is not simply a story of a woman giving up on tidying the house.

💫This is a story of a woman’s growth through her matrescence: she is giving herself permission to change and deciding to live her life in line with what matters to her most.💫

If Marie Kondo - a woman whose entire brand was built on tidying up - can change her mind about the importance of tidying up, let this be inspiration for you that you can change your mind about something that used to be important to you.

You will grow and evolve as a mother.

What might have been important to you pre-kids may no longer matter as much.

👏🏼Give 👏🏼yourself 👏🏼permission 👏🏼to 👏🏼change.

This is matrescence.

Source: CTV news article: Marie Kondo is focusing on what's important--and that means letting the tidying slide

’Tis the season to:
✨Create magic for your kids
✨Buy thoughtful gifts for family and friends
✨Organize a curated advent calendars
✨Host and attend Christmas parties
✨Create family traditions
✨Buy gifts for teachers
✨Make home baked goodies
✨Coordinate family and friends events
✨Send out holiday cards

And the list goes on
And on
And on
And on…

The expectations placed on mothers at this time of year are extraordinary.

As we come towards the end of the year and into the holidays, I ask you to consciously consider:

✨How do you want to feel this holiday? ✨

Start there.

Once you’re clear on how you want to feel, make decisions in line with that feeling.

〰What do you need to do differently this year so that you can feel that way?

〰What unnecessary expectations are you putting on yourself?

〰What is ONE thing that you could stop doing this holiday?

👇Comment below and tell me one thing you’re going to do differently this holiday season.

-For me, it’s letting go of the idea that I need to make home baked goods.
-It’s giving store bought cards rather than hand made cards.
-It’s having chocolate advent calendars this year because I didn’t have the energy to create an activity based one.
-It’s remembering that while my son loves gifts, he loves my presence even more.

For the first year after launching my business I celebrated being consistent on IG. I posted regularly, created a community online and connected with many incredible mothers (you!), activists and practitioners. It brought me such joy and energized me. AND it also took a lot of energy.

But in this recent season of my life, I’m celebrating myself for choosing to consciously step away from social media. Choosing to take instagram off my to-do list has had real implications on my business (I generate a solid amount of my business through social media), but it has generated significant returns on my mental well-being.

Here’s the thing - capitalism and patriarchy are embedded in the algorithm. It wants us to operate on one default mode: ALWAYS ON.

We are a society that focuses on delivery, on ‘doing’, and output is the measurement of success. It’s fast, it’s busy, it’s go go go. And if we don’t keep up, then we’re told that we’re not good enough and we’ll fall behind.

But we are humans, not robots. It is not possible to be always on.

My energy constantly ebbs and flows, and my personal capacity is different throughout different seasons of motherhood. This recent season has included supporting my son in his transition to school, navigating family sickness, navigating fertility and all the while my business has been thriving.

I may be punished by the platform for not posting regularly or staying on top of the latest features, but I’m here listening to my body, living in line with my values and that is what matters to me.

Consider - what do you need to consciously take off your to-do list?

Ever found yourself:
〰️Asking “how can I have a thriving career and be the mom I want to be?”
〰️Torn between work and at home, like you’re not able to give your all to either 
〰️Trying to do everything and feeling guilty about where you’re not living up to expectations
〰️Comparing yourself back to who you were pre-kids 
〰️Struggling to find time for yourself
〰️Feeling like you’re doing it all, alone 
〰️Wondering if you’re the only one that feels this way

Join my group coaching program - Empowered - for those that navigate paid work and motherhood.

Together, we’ll:

💫Explore how you’ve grown throughout your matrescence
💫Align your life with your values and priorities
💫Develop a new compassionate perspective on self doubt, feelings of failure and guilt
💫Discover how to manage the never-ending to do list of motherhood
💫Find ways to make time for yourself even when it feels impossible (and no, it doesn’t mean a morning routine, bedtime ritual or bubble baths)

Link in bio to learn more and to register. Register before August 21 to get $100 off the program.

Want a sneak preview of the program? Register for my FREE upcoming workshop on Matrescence, Motherhood & Work on Tues August 16. Link in bio to register.

Ever found yourself:
〰️Asking “how can I have a thriving career and be the mom I want to be?”
〰️Torn between work and at home, like you’re not able to give your all to either 
〰️Trying to do everything and feeling guilty about where you’re not living up to expectations
〰️Comparing yourself back to who you were pre-kids 
〰️Struggling to find time for yourself
〰️Feeling like you’re doing it all, alone 
〰️Wondering if you’re the only one that feels this way

Join my group coaching program - Empowered - for those that navigate paid work and motherhood.

Together, we’ll:

💫Explore how you’ve grown throughout your matrescence
💫Align your life with your values and priorities
💫Develop a new compassionate perspective on self doubt, feelings of failure and guilt
💫Discover how to manage the never-ending to do list of motherhood
💫Find ways to make time for yourself even when it feels impossible (and no, it doesn’t mean a morning routine, bedtime ritual or bubble baths)

Link in bio to join us. $100 off the program until August 21.

Want a sneak preview of the program? Register for my FREE upcoming workshop on Matrescence, Motherhood & Work on Tues August 16. Link in bio to register.

Today I launch a new program - Empowered - for those that navigate paid work and motherhood. 

For working moms, our current societal definition of success sounds something like this: 

✔️You have a successful and fulfilling career
✔️Are a present and devoted mom
✔️Have plenty of time for yourself and your own self care
✔️Somehow you manage to do it all effortlessly and flawlessly
✔️And you have the perfect partnership, too. 

In reality, the above feels impossible most of the time; you likely feel like you’re never giving enough at work or at home. The to-do list is never-ending, and time for yourself is at the bottom. 

No, it’s not just you that feels this way. 

As a coach and facilitator with 15 years experience, I’ve coached hundreds of working moms across virtually every major industry. I’ve seen first hand that we are part of an era where mothers have been conditioned to feel alone, guilty, not good enough and that they need to be doing more. 
It’s time to shift the narrative of what it means to be a mother. 

This program  will support you to pause, unpack the cultural and societal scripts of working motherhood and write your own definition of success for what it means to be a mom, a career woman and a whole human. This is what it means to be empowered.

If this post and my work have evoked something with you, please check out the link in my bio to learn more. We start the week of September 19. 

You can’t win either way. For mothers that also navigate paid work, our Western cultural norms are set up for you to fail.

Working moms - can you relate?



Next week I’m launching my new program, Empowered, for moms that navigate paid work and motherhood. It will support you to untangle yourself from impossible societal expectations and write your own definition of success. DM me if you’d like first access to register!