Debbie Lawrence

Debbie Lawrence Leadership coach + business strategist helping women lead for results with clarity, standards & zero guilt.

A client of mine did everything a good leader is supposed to do.She promoted from within. She picked the person everyone...
10/09/2026

A client of mine did everything a good leader is supposed to do.

She promoted from within. She picked the person everyone agreed was the obvious choice who was her best office administrator, stepping into the role her best events manager had just left.

Within months, she was watching a five-year superstar quietly come undone in a role that should have been a natural next step.

It wasn't a bad hire. It was her best tactician, promoted into a job that needed a strategist, and nobody had checked which one the role required.

Where have you promoted someone for the job they already had instead of the job they were about to do?

Have you ever rewritten a simple request so many times that it never got sent?Researchers at the University of Waterloo ...
10/08/2026

Have you ever rewritten a simple request so many times that it never got sent?

Researchers at the University of Waterloo found that women apologize more than men because we see more of our everyday behaviour as needing an apology.

So "I need this by Friday" starts to feel like an imposition, and it picks up a "sorry," a "no rush," and a way out.

Most of us think the choice is nice or mean when there's a third option: clear and respectful.

Yesterday, a community of women who lead learned how to spot the five phrases quietly undermining their requests, in the new issue of The Permission Slip.

Miss the written issue? Grab it here: https://debbielawrence.ca/2026/10/07/the-five-phrases-quietly-undermining-your-requests/
Prefer to listen? The podcast episode is live on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and all major platforms. Search: The Compassionate Leader School.

What's one phrase you add to your requests out of habit?

My client Patricia needed to email one sentence: "I need grant reports 48 hours before the deadline."She looked at it an...
10/07/2026

My client Patricia needed to email one sentence: "I need grant reports 48 hours before the deadline."

She looked at it and it felt too bare so she added "When you get a chance."

Then "If it's not too much trouble."

Then "No worries if that doesn't work!"

Three edits later, her clear requirement became a suggestion. In the end, she rewrote it six times and never sent it. Meanwhile, the latest report landed 18 hours before the deadline, and she stayed up until midnight fixing it.

Her first sentence was all she needed to communicate. Everything she added was an exit.

That's the story behind today's issue of The Permission Slip: The Five Phrases Quietly Undermining Your Requests.

Read it: https://debbielawrence.ca/2026/10/07/the-five-phrases-quietly-undermining-your-requests/
Listen to it: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7dl129XeQ3LAcBx0rNrzMU

Already a subscriber? It's in your inbox now. Not yet? Both links are open to everyone.

I'll admit something.For 3 months, a client kept emailing me to fix the same spreadsheet formulas, and I kept fixing the...
10/06/2026

I'll admit something.

For 3 months, a client kept emailing me to fix the same spreadsheet formulas, and I kept fixing them. It only took 2 minutes. And every time, I got a little hit of feeling helpful.

Then one morning a flicker of annoyance showed up, and it told me something I didn't want to hear. I'd been training her to need me.

And I had to admit that I'd been fixing something that wasn't mine to fix.

What's something you keep fixing that isn't yours to fix?

I've been coaching leaders for years now.One of the things I've learned is how to have less tolerance for effort standin...
10/05/2026

I've been coaching leaders for years now.

One of the things I've learned is how to have less tolerance for effort standing in for results.

I don't:
❌️ praise the late nights if the deliverable still isn't there
❌️ call something "good enough for now" when I need something else entirely
❌️ keep quietly fixing the same gap month after month

Instead:
✅️ I name the standard clearly, before the work starts
✅️ I send it back the first time it misses, not the tenth
✅️ I let the discomfort of a hard conversation stay smaller than the cost of avoiding it

Getting clear on this changed how long I stay in situations that aren't working.

It's a path away from the broken playbook, and toward one that's mine.

Are you rewarding effort because it feels kind, or because you haven't let yourself ask if it's working?

Do you need to promote someone into a role that requires building something new?Here's what doesn't matter as much as yo...
10/02/2026

Do you need to promote someone into a role that requires building something new?

Here's what doesn't matter as much as you think:
- how long they've been with you
- how well they executed their last job
- how much everyone likes them

Here's what does:
- whether they've ever built something from nothing before
- how they respond to an undefined problem
- whether they ask questions or wait for direction

Most leaders spend all their attention on the first list. Flip it for this kind of hire!

Have you ever been the most helpful person on your team and still wondered why no one steps up?Harriet Lerner has a name...
10/01/2026

Have you ever been the most helpful person on your team and still wondered why no one steps up?

Harriet Lerner has a name for it: overfunctioning. One person advises, rescues, and fixes. The other steps back and waits. The more one does, the less the other does.

She describes it as as "The Dance of Anger."

It looks like competence and it feels like care. And it keeps the dance going.

Yesterday, a community of women who lead learned how to spot this dance and step out of it, in the new issue of The Permission Slip.

Miss the written issue? Grab it here: https://debbielawrence.ca/2026/09/30/what-my-annoyance-knew-before-i-did/

Prefer to listen? The podcast episode is live on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and all major platforms. Search: The Compassionate Leader School.

Is there something you keep fixing that isn't yours to fix?

Annoyance gets a bad reputation. Most of us were taught to push it down and stay gracious.A while back, a client emailed...
09/30/2026

Annoyance gets a bad reputation. Most of us were taught to push it down and stay gracious.

A while back, a client emailed me for the third time before 10:00 am, apologizing for breaking a formula in a spreadsheet I'd built her. I'd been fixing those formulas for 3 months.

I felt a small flicker of annoyance, and I stopped to listen to it.

It was telling me I'd been overfunctioning instead of training her to manage this for herself.

Once I saw it, I changed what I did. I stopped fixing and started asking her to walk me through what she understood. A few calls later along with a training session for her, she was in control of the spreadsheet.

That's the story behind today's issue of The Permission Slip: What My Annoyance Knew Before I Did.

Read it: https://debbielawrence.ca/2026/09/30/what-my-annoyance-knew-before-i-did/
Listen to it: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2RDljClVNBb5ORVlpCA0kc

Already a subscriber? It's in your inbox now. Not yet? Both links are open to everyone.

I used to believe that giving someone "one more chance" was the compassionate move.What I've learned is that a leader wh...
09/29/2026

I used to believe that giving someone "one more chance" was the compassionate move.

What I've learned is that a leader who keeps someone in a role she's already decided isn't working out is protecting her own comfort, not theirs.

I know this trap. I got stuck in it myself for years before I learned better.

Where are you still "giving more time" to a decision you already made?

When something's been running in your head for days and you can't seem to set it down, try these four questions (in this...
09/28/2026

When something's been running in your head for days and you can't seem to set it down, try these four questions (in this order). They work in about 10 minutes.

1️⃣ What exactly am I worried about? (Not the fog but the specific list.) Write out every concern, and don't stop at the reasonable ones. Most people find there's more on their mind than they expected.

2️⃣ How much influence do I actually have over each concern? Give every one an honest percentage. Some are 100%. Some are a flat zero. Naming the zeros out loud creates a sense of relief.

3️⃣ What am I treating as mine that was never mine? This is usually where the situation you replay lives. Being consulted and being the decision-maker are different jobs, and confusing them leads to sleepless nights.

4️⃣ What would I do tomorrow if I only worked on the concerns I have 100% control over? Write down the first three. That's your focus right now.

The list shrinks because most of what's on it was never yours to carry.

What's something that didn't make your list because you have 0% control over?

As I'm writing this post, I recognize I've been fretting about the weather forecast and how windy it might get. And I've got zero control over that!

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