It Starts With You

Allison Hanes: More dads taking parental leave is the next step for gender equality. http://montrealgazette.com/opinion/columnists/allison-hanes-more-dads-taking-parental-leave-is-the-next-step-for-gender-equality

Allison Hanes: More dads taking parental leave is the next step for gender equality The domestic sphere is the next front in the battle for gender equality in Quebec, feminist writer Marilyse Hamelin argues in a new essay. The...

Men and Gender Equality in the Middle East and North Africa Read more about the findings from the International Men and Gender Equality Survey – Middle East and North Africa.

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/white-supremacists-still-exist-heres-what-white-parents-can-do-about-it_us_5991d4b5e4b090964298d8ba

White Supremacists Still Exist. Here's What White Parents Can Do About It. How to raise kids who stand up for what is right.

Dad Central has commissioned a national fatherhood survey. They are looking for dads and men raising children from across the country to share their thoughts about fatherhood in Canada.
https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/cdnfatherhoodsurvey2017

Canadian Father Involvement Survey Web survey powered by SurveyMonkey.com. Create your own online survey now with SurveyMonkey's expert certified FREE templates.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/powerful-video-challenges-gender-roles-often-taught-in-latino-households_us_586bb7c1e4b0d9a5945c6996?

Powerful Video Challenges Gender Roles Often Taught At Home "Being a man is about challenging the script that was handed down to us."

Patton Oswalt’s Year of Magical Parenting http://www.gq.com/story/patton-oswalt-fatherhood-moty

Patton Oswalt’s Year of Magical Parenting When Patton Oswalt's wife passed away in her sleep, he became a widower—and single parent to their 7-year-old daughter. Here, the actor and comedian writes about the only job he's got that really matters right now: being a dad.

Men's attitude to fatherhood influences child behaviour, says study https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/nov/22/mens-attitude-to-fatherhood-influences-child-behaviour-says-study?utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=GU+Today+main+NEW+H+categories&utm_term=200986&subid=18373479&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2

Men's attitude to fatherhood influences child behaviour, says study Pr***en behavioural problems less likely in children with confident fathers who embrace parenthood, suggest researchers

Ashton D;Silva, Clay Shirt, Junior Burchall and Shawn Edmondson share their personal stories and thoughts on what it means to be an engaged father and positive role model in their children's lives.

Think about how you, as a father or father figure, have the ability to positively influence your son. Being an engaged father, breaking down stereotypes, promoting gender equality and teaching the boys in your life about healthy equal relationships helps you do your part in creating healthy families and strengthening parenting bonds. https://youtu.be/fC2pD3W-jLE

Fatherhood Films: 4 Guys, 1 Question 3rd in our series of films highlighting the truly inspiring stories of engaged, involved fathers, 4 Men 1 Question. Ashton D;Silva, Clay Shirt, Junior Burcha...

It starts with you, it stays with him.

How my boys treat women starts with me and my husband, period.

Last week I walked into the kitchen and my husband whistled.

I blushed. I smiled. I gave him a kiss.

My oldest son was sitting at the kitchen table eating his breakfast watching us thoughtfully, as children do.

“Dad why did you make that noise to Mom?” He asked.

“That’s what you do when you see a pretty girl,” my husband replied nonchalantly.

“Woah, woah woah!” I exclaimed. “That is NOT what you do when you see a pretty girl!”

My husband looked at me with his you-are-such-a-buzz-kill-betty eyes.

“Didn’t you think that was a compliment?”

I paused. This was an important moment and I knew it.

“Yes, but you’re my partner. It’s very different than guys riding around in a car, leaning out the windows and whistling at girls they pass on the street.”

“Girls don’t like that?” My husband asked.

I died a little inside.

He hurriedly added, “I mean, I never did it… But I thought women liked it.”

Well, I can be OUTRAGED right now or I can show compassion, I thought. Again I was thinking hard.

“They may pretend to like it. They may not even realize that it’s dehumanizing until years later…. “ I was struggling.

“I don’t know how to explain this to you right now,” I said finally. “All I can do is share with you how it would make me feel, which is terrible.”

Then it happened. Yesterday.

I had just left a doctor’s appointment. I was standing at a cross walk waiting for the walk light. A truck pulled up beside me. I heard the window roll down.

And the whistle came.

I felt the sensation of my skin crawling. What do I do now? Look at him? Not look at him? Give him the middle finger? Smile politely? Because even though I’m totally creeped out, I was raised to be a “nice” girl and the thought of letting this guy know how uncomfortable I am makes me more uncomfortable than just living in my creeped out discomfort.

It’s so messed up. I will be uncomfortable to save myself from someone thinking I'm not "nice."

Instead I ignored him and stared straight ahead. I started feeling angry. The light turned green and he roared off. On the back window of his truck he had a decal prominently displayed – a stripper on a pole.

I felt SO angry.

That night I told my husband what happened.

“What a [insert expletive here] creep,” he says, furious.

“Now you understand,” I said.

“Yes,” he says. “Context.”

Context is EVERYTHING.

Is being whistled at a compliment? For me, yes, when it comes from my husband in a flirty way.

No, when it comes from a strange man in a truck at a stoplight.

Is being told you look “great” a compliment? For me, yes, when it comes from my husband, my sister, my friend.

No, when it comes from the middle-aged pizza delivery man who has just stepped into my house to receive payment while I’m alone with my kids (this also happened recently).

My skin starts crawling thinking about both of these scenarios.

The difference between complimenting someone you love and treating women like an object for male consumption is huge. Context matters. The world is not black and white. We shouldn’t teach our children that you “whistle at pretty girls.” We should teach them that relationships and history matter, that being respectful and compassionate means considering how their words will make someone feel in the moment.

So how do we teach our boys the difference between whistling at their partner in the kitchen and making her feel beautiful to whistling at girls on the street and making them feel like objects?

We talk to them about it. We use real life moments to educate them. We work on developing their critical thinking skills so that our boy’s understand that CONTEXT is everything.

We compliment each other on appearance, but also on intelligence, ambition, choices, behaviour. We don’t treat ANYONE like objects. We treat them like people, with feelings, and that everyone matters.

Boys are surrounded by messages that this behaviour is ok. It is normalized and it’s rampant in “man culture.” They will see this behaviour in media they consume, they will see it from their friends, they will watch it happen on the street.

They will assess women’s reaction to it as they see it. “Nice” girls like me teach them this behaviour is ok. Welcome, even. So instead of raising nice girls, let’s raise some nice, compassionate, strong, independent, assertive girls, ok girl Moms? You got this for me? Because I’m over here trying to raise the nice, compassionate, strong, independent, assertive boys for you! 😉

Remember, children are watching us. Thoughtfully. Reflectively. They are taking their cues for who they will become from our small interactions every day.

You can’t be what you can’t see. Be! ❤

Recognize that you have a role to play in educating ur son about equality & healthy relationships.