Storytime with Iva. And wine.

It has been a busy past couple months. Egg retrieval surgery. Some recovery time afterward. Many emotions. And a lot of friend support:) The friends I hold dear to my heart is something, feelings I cannot put into words. And those people know exactly who they are and I love you dearly.
With that said these past three years of infertility treatments have taken a toll. Not in a bad way, but instead with uncertainty. Yet hope. And optimism that can't be described. I have faith all will work out the way it is supposed to when I continue to push through the unknowns. Many women going through Fertility I'm sure will state this is an emotional journey and one to continue when you yourself know what you are after. And a family of my own is exactly that. These past three days I have actually spent spring cleaning (which I attempt every year) and donating some things I no longer have use or space for. With that it made me realize some of the things I was not able to get as a result of fertility treatments. And the extensive costs associated with the clinic(s). Silly example would be a new couch lol or a dining room set. And then I literally have to stop and say, but you're (I'm) doing the best I possibly can, with what I do have. I chose treatments over that new (yet needed) couch. Among other things. Three years and counting and I continue to grow stronger with every doctor visit and appointment. To the women (couples) going through such intrusive treatments, I commend you and you got this!! Much love! Xo
Iva:)

Fact.

My books Deep Minds Anonymous Vol 1, Vol 2. And my latest book Wings of Hope are available on Amazon! 💙

The headlines about celebrities are absolutely shameful. 'Grey hair and definitely gaining weight' one post read. 'Looking way too skinny. She should eat a sandwich ' read another. The negativity in this already crazy, yet beautiful world can leave anyone feeling overwhelmed. Even an ordinary human such as myself. I remember as a small child growing up in eastern Europe I was of a 'normal' weight. Small in fact. Whatever the hell that means. Then came the teenage years, and yes, like many went through puberty and my body developed. I gained weight. I had the big b***s. (Not anymore thanks to surgery).
And I didn't know what or how to feel with the ongoing changes. But life goes on. Right? You learn to take things one day at a time even though at times something as simple as that is almost not accomplishable. But here we are. When I moved to this apartment a few years back I remember constantly being commented on. 'You're too thin' 'please gain a little weight' You have great calves' to being told my 'calves' are now too muscular. To being told hey, 'life is good for you, isn't it?' Clearly I may have put on a few pounds. Or being asked 'when will you start having children and not just dogs'
You see the stigma with all these uncalled and uneducated statements? Just that. They are uneducated and vindictive phrases thrown at anyone at any given time. I've often asked myself 'why?' and then I realized the truth. The reality of it all. These individuals who make such remarks are uneducated. They are bored. They themselves have no real happiness in their lives. To wake up daily and put people down is absolutely insensitive. It is not necessary. And it is quite frankly appalling. I am a woman. A single woman by choice. And I am going through fertility treatments. I've had more hormone pills than I ever imagined I would. And injections that are now a mere scar. Whatever someone's story is. It is their own. And theirs indeed. When you wake up and start a new day...please remember to always just be kind.
Always remember this my friends. People will always have something to say. And the funny thing? They don't even know your name. Or have the privilege of having your personal phone number. Remember that and have an amazing day:)) hugs. Xoxo

I just realized I have not posted in a little while. Between what seems like a million fertility appointments at the clinic, cooking, dishes after cooking, more cooking and finally planning a mini vacation for Niko and I, I've been on the go! Which is nice. I like busy. And truth be told, I know when to take breaks in order to not become overwhelmed. Prior to starting intermittent fasting I questioned the idea behind it. However, it suits my lifestyle absolutely just fine. And I love it. The one thing I am absolutely in love with is my Magic Bullet:) I'm able to make a healthy and delicious meal smoothie in minutes. Ladies ! When you're going through fertility treatments please remember to shut out any unnecessary and stressful noise and stay healthy! Xo
My healthy smoothie lunch below!
Two big handfuls of fresh kale
Greek yogurt
Banana
Half a lemon
Soy protein
And of course almond milk! Enjoy😘

One of the things that I have found over the years? Is that at times you find yourself in a trap. Or better yet, you feel trapped. When in all honesty that couldn't be further from the truth. There are so many truths that sadly (and maybe at times a blessing) cannot be explained and should be left to just 'be'
I try to understand that more and more as the weeks turn into months with unexplained infertility. Especially as a single woman who is constantly told 'Youre great' You're young and your bloodwork couldn't be better' so it's reassuring to say the least and every time (like earlier this evening) I find myself getting yet another negative pregnancy test. I felt I was not expecting as most of us women know our bodies well enough at this age. But the hope always remains. So? I tell myself I can try again next month and then wait some more and hopefully the results will differ from this evening. For anyone going through infertility alone (like I am) or with a partner, continue to be strong and know we are and should all be there for one another. It is an emotional and such a physically exhausting experience
Hang tight and before you know it you'll have a little mini you, you have been praying for all this time. In the meantime...I thought I would break my intermittent fasting this 'later' evening and have a snack. Just because I can:)
Till next time
Xo
The snack is wonderful if anyone wants to try it at home. Take a wrap and fill with cream cheese, grape tomatoes (halved) a handful of kale, sun-dried tomatoes, feta cheese and a little olive oil. Bake with Gouda(or cheese you have at home) and voila! A yummy snack which I promise you will not be able to finish since it was made while having a craving:) xx

I know there are many women out there going through fertility treatments at this very moment. And most definitely for a variety of reasons. My situation is very different as a single woman than is my friends situation going through this with her hubby. Whatever the reason is we go it is so important to take a step back and focus on YOU. You, afterall, will be the one carrying your mini inside of you for nine months. So do a healthy mental check on you, mind body and soul. We can get so caught up with the treatments, the bloodwork and ultrasounds that we lose focus on ourselves. I know when I go at times it feels like a full time job. And for those ladies going, you know exactly what I'm talking about. At any given time you can have six to seven appointments back to back checking follicle growth making sure it's the right size etc. Then if the number is too high you're asked to consider waiting another month due to high risks for multiple babies. It's a lot to consider and most definitely when you don't have anyone there to hold your hand. And more times than not please don't believe the nurses will. They are doing a job and nothing more. So please take time for yourself. Practise yoga. Meditation. Taking long walks. All are important for a healthy mind and body. Till next time:) xo

Throughout time we are all shown just how strong we can be. How much we can manage..and all of that on our own. But really, in all reality, how well do we cope? It starts with how we feel about ourselves. Not what others think they know. What they think they heard. No. It's how we perceive ourselves and ourselves only. It is so easy these days to get caught up in what others might say about you or what they feel you should do next in YOUR life, but truth be told, you are in charge of your destiny. As cliche as that may sound. It speaks volumes. The reality is I too used to care. To an extent. The older I get the more I realize the wisdom I have and the more I choose peace..not drama. Whether it is with family or certain friends. I simply let them be who ever it is that they wish to be. I've reached a point where I will no longer be criticized for who they think or have been told I should be and instead? I ve chosen to exist. You see. People will judge you. Always. People will speak ill of you. Always. People with low intelligence will always believe the first thing they are told and not seek out the truth. That? Is reality. I believe in being your true self. Accomplish what you want and desire and be happy within yourself. Do not let others define who they think you are. Till next time. Xo

Our days can be filled with so many things to do and many tasks that need to be completed. Instead of being fixated on a 'chore' list it is also extremely important to remember to breathe. To enjoy the small and simple things this sometimes chaotic life has to offer. I personally understand first hand what stress can do to a regular and healthy individual if they don't slow down. In the past and due to an airline I used to work for, I have experienced seizures first hand. No, I am not an epileptic and the doctors who took great care of me explained I was over worked. I rarely slowed down and always wanted to prove myself of being capable. Until I almost lost my young life. I have a family member who suffered a severe stroke due to similar circumstances. In between all the chaos, the chores, the 'to do lists' be sure to slow down and enjoy simple things in life. Life is too short to not have fun:) xo

I'm a strong believer of self care and recognizing when you need it the most. My little dog kiddo Niko and I went away for a few days to decompress. It was much needed, however, in the blink of an eye we are already back in the city. Rental car has been returned and now memories will remain. During IUI/IVF treatments can and does definitely take a toll on a woman's body, mental strain as well as a thousand other things that come up 'unexpectedly'. It's not an easy journey to deal with failed attempts through zero fault of your own. Once a woman realizes this and makes peace with it, she can somehow regain the strength to continue trying. The journey is long. Some days you cry in the shower. And overthink before attempting to lay your head on your pillow at night. Be easy with yourself mind, body and soul and have hope in the process. Till next time friends:) xo

To those of you who read my posts. Understand my story. I truly thank you. And for others? I literally need to say a big f**k you. I decided to get open with my journey as I've been navigating it alone since day one. Every day presents its challenges and everyday I have a new reason to be strong. Perhaps stronger than the day before. As a few of you may know I 'attempted' to rescue a baby squirrel this morning. While walking home with Niko the little thing jumped on me (literally) and I just had to take it in. Gave it water. A little snack. You know? The works. I tried to release it but it wouldn't leave my side. Now here's the catch. While I'm out. Trying to do a good deed I come across a neighbor who is not the nicest to women. Yet alone to his three innocent dogs. As I'm trying to decide what is the best for this baby squirrel (he's now in a wildlife sanctuary) this neighbor decides that it's ok to say to me 'hey! Looks like life is good for you. You've put on a few pounds' I shrugged it off and kept my attention to the little squirrel that I was still deciding what to do with. This individual continues to ask me 'where is your boyfriend?''are you finally single' to oh 'Ive seen you with a black guy...is he your new boyfriend?'(this is an almost 70 year old married f**ker) now, as I write this I do realize there is zero explanation needed. Nor is it required. I am a 38 year old beautiful, yes, beautiful, woman who is in the middle of fertility treatments and hormone drugs. So, pretty soon to be mamas or already mamas....stay clear of these as****es who are clearly and obviously not getting any loving at home that they feel it's necessary to put a beautiful woman down. That's all.take care of yourselves ladies and love who you are. Inside. And
Out. Xoxo