09/02/2026
The unequal responsibility placed on women for the consequences of s*x, even when men are equally responsible for creating those consequences.
What I find frustrating, especially in some African cultural contexts, is the way responsibility for the consequences of s*x is placed so heavily on women.
Marriage is often treated as though s*x is an essential part of it, something the man expects and feels entitled to. But when pregnancy happens, suddenly the responsibility becomes the woman’s problem.
She is expected to know how to protect herself from pregnancy, as though she is the only person involved in the s*xual relationship.
But how does that make sense?
You wanted the s*x too.
You participated in creating the pregnancy.
So why is the woman expected to carry the physical, emotional, and financial consequences almost entirely by herself?
And it doesn’t stop at pregnancy.
Once children are born, some men seem to think that paying school fees or providing the bare minimum is enough.
They don’t always acknowledge the full cost of raising a child from clothing, food, healthcare, childcare, transportation, emotional support, daily care, and all the countless expenses and responsibilities that come with parenting.
Then, when a woman complains that she is overwhelmed, the response can be something like, “Next time, close your legs if you know you can’t take care of children.”
But why is that advice directed only at the woman? What about the man who was also there?
Why isn’t he being told to take responsibility for his role in creating that child?
You cannot insist on s*x and then act as though pregnancy is solely a woman’s consequence.
You cannot participate in creating a child and then behave as though raising that child is primarily the mother’s responsibility.
S*x has consequences, and preventing pregnancy is a shared responsibility. Raising a child is also a shared responsibility. If two adults are mature enough to have s*x, they should both be mature enough to think about contraception, pregnancy, and what happens if a child is born.
It makes no sense to demand access to a woman’s body while simultaneously expecting her to carry the burden of everything that may result from that access. If you want the s*x, you also need to accept responsibility for the consequences, not just when it is convenient, but throughout the life of the child you helped create.
