Montessori Parent

02/03/2023

"If instances of emotion are like cookies, then the brain is like a kitchen, stocked with common ingredients such as flour, water, sugar, and salt....They combine in complex ways, roughly analogous to recipes, o produce diverse instances of happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and so on. The ingredients themselves are multipurpose, not dedicated to emotions but participating in their construction. Instances of two different emotion categories, such as fear and anger, can be made from similar ingredients, just as some cookies have nuts and others do not....If you have ten feelings of fear that involve a particular brain network, each feeling can involve different neurons from the network. "

By Lisa Feldman Barrett, "How emotions are made, the secret life of the brain"

I wanted to share the above with you lovely parents, because many of us, identify feelings in a very narrow way.

So, as food for thought, let's dive into how we approach and identify feelings with our children.

Does everyone who smiles feels happy? Well, many of the games, books or toys we introduce to our children with our intention to talk about feelings, have a narrow category of them.

For example, what happens when we smile? Do we always feel happy? Or maybe we smile because we feel uncomfortable, or we use the social smile in combination with a cheerful "Good morning, how are you doing?" or we feel shy, excited, shame even annoyed by our neighbour's child who throws snow on us because he thinks it's funny, and we try to be polite?

Drop me a comment with your thoughts! And if you think that a friend would like to read this, tag and share :)

01/30/2023

Hey parent!

I know that many of you might have heard that movement helps us think better and more creatively, and it's true that it's one way to nurture our bodies and our well-being!

Many kinds of research show how connected our quality mind work and our movement are!

But today, I will write over here what Montessori says about it in her book "Absorbent Mind":

"One of the greatest mistakes of our day is to think of movement by itself, as something apart from the higher functions...but to be always thinking of the mind, on the one hand, and the body on the other, is to break the continuity that should reign between them. This keeps action away from though..."

In a Montessori class, children have many opportunities to coordinate movement.

But? How could you apply that at home as parents?

An example is to take advantage of snowy days and dress up well (safety comes first)...but we are Canadians, and we know how to dress up for snow :)... and get out to play with your children! Give it at least 30 minutes to breathe the air, play with the snow and enjoy life!

That combines the need for gross and fine movement, a healthy brain and quality time with your child!

Remember...even if it sounds very simple and not tangible to you, these everyday moments of quality time with your child can do miracles for your child! It strongly supports their development and deepens your relationship with them!

And? Bonus? It's a way to create wonderful memories together, which will offer deep happiness to both of you and make your child more resilient in the future!

Do you think a friend of yours would like to read this post today? Tag and share :)

01/27/2023

01/26/2023

Hey parent!

Have you ever found yourself feeling not enough and experiencing guilty emotions?

Well...you are not the only one!

I have experienced guilt, your neighbor has experienced guilt, the developmental psychologist you visited experience guilt with their parenthood life and yes, even the "perfect" parent with the perfect pictures on Instagram experiences guilt!

The last one might have experienced guilty emotions way more often than you think, no matter what the pictures show ;)

The thing is that NO PARENT can avoid that emotion.

After all, it is an emotion, like any other! And no one has the privilege of avoiding only the challenging ones and enjoying the fun ones!

But?

What you are doing with this emotion, how often you experience it and how tense it is, it's actually what makes the difference in your life!

Let me share with you a tip:

1. If you realize and become aware of when and what happened when you ended up dealing with guilty emotion, is the first step!

2. Once you have found that out, try consciously to release it. Check out the coping techniques for that. For each one of us, the techniques are different. So, you need to find out what works for you!

3. Think of it like that: "What if the emotions are happening to us because of the way we see the situation? What if we change our perspective?" Science says that this practice can really make a difference in your life! eg. if you feel anxious about an exam, try to change your perspective and approach it as a challenge of earning a skill.

So, if you pose this guilt trip and think of yelling at your child, check out what was YOUR feeling when you thought you needed to yell. More often, is not about what the child did, but about our expectations of them, or the fact that we are tired and don't want to clean up once again their mess from the food they dropped etc.

Find out the reason behind the emotion can help you get over it faster!

Do you feel like you need more support in dealing with your child's tantrums? I have you covered! Check out my "Beyond Tantrums" course and deal with them like a pro! Link in Bio!

01/23/2023

Hey parent!

I know, this might sound like a very small difference.

But our words have weight and the tone of our voice or the intention we have, count ...a lot!!

Let me explain it a bit more... if we start our phrase with a loud and clear IF, it can sound like a threat and an exchange of actions.

This is when we go to the path of power struggle and the fight of who will win this one.

Do we intend to have our child eat their snack because we know better, or do we want them to learn how to take care of themselves ?

Well, we probably ask them to eat first because we know that with good nutritious food and at the right time of the day, they will have good energy in the playground and make better choices in their social communication with other children. But does the "IF you eat, we will go..." communicates our honest intentions?

I know that it sounds like a detail, but believe me. The details can make a huge difference. And the words we choose reveal our intentions of controlling or teaching self-care skills, so we need to choose them wisely and purposefully.

Instead, the phrase "WHEN ... THEN..." depicts our intentions much better, making the expectation tangible to the child and removing any guilt emotion or power struggle. And all these improve our communication with the child, and we get on the same side, not on the opposite of them!

Easy right? And it's a win win situation!

So, I wanted to share these for some food for thoughts for you ...and me! Because I come up with some unhelpful phrases sometimes, and after self-reflection on the situation and my child's behavior, I get aware of my reactions :)

If you resonate and you think that a friend would like to read all these, share it and tag them :)

If you want more content about emotional connection, visit my website and find free material, that guide you step-by-step! Link in bio!

We are not alone in our parenting journey! Let's grow together alongside our children.

01/20/2023

SHOW ME HOW TO DO IT MYSELF!

Try to show your child a clear and safe way to feed themselves, dress themselves and how to be included to house chores like dusting or cooking or watering the plants and you will enjoy countless moments of happiness and a confident child that built a strong self-esteem.

Keep them safe, but also be brave to show them how they can do things around the house by themselves! Trust your child's abilities. They are way more capable than what we usually expect!

If you resonate please drop a comment!

If you have a friend who you believe they would like to read this, please share it!

Parenting is a teachable skill and we are not alone on that!

For more free content material, visit my website montessoriparent.ca

See you there :)

01/19/2023

OK, let me share a story here...

Yesterday, my 4 year old son woke up in the morning, ate his breakfast and decided to start playing with his legos. I told him we have 5 more minutes before heading to school. He said "I don't want to go to school. I want to play." but I didn't pay attention to that, because I decided to stay in our usual routine and also, I wanted to empty the dishwasher and package his lunch and be on time to go. Plus I was too sleepy that morning to be honest!

Anyway, I thought that since he knows our routine and is good with it, he will probably play for a bit to fill in his cup and be ok as usual.

So, I prepared him 5 minutes before the end of his playtime, and then 2 minutes before the end and then 1 minute before the end.

But? When it was time to tidy up, he refused strongly! I stayed calm and reminded him that he needed to get ready to go to school because his teacher was expecting him and I needed to go to work because the parents/clients were expecting me.

Nothing. The friendly reminder didn't work.

So I continued with a bit of emotional connection, choices and hope. I said sth along that: "I understand you feel like staying at home, and probably prefer to keep playing here, but it is time to go. Look at the clock! So, where would you like to keep these legos until you return from school? In this box or next to your bed? You can play with them once you come back!"

No. Nothing. Now we are a bit late already and he keeps refusing to put on his winter coat. I started to feel stressed and I said: "Are you coming by yourself or I am going to to pick you up and get you to the car? It's late and we need to go!"

Nope. He was not cooperating.
Then I thought that if I didn't find out what was going on, I would stay here to struggle for half an hour at least!

So, I pulled myself together from my stressed feelings, lowered my body and with a calm voice and gentle movement I asked him: "Why?" That "why" came out with a very honest warm feeling and then he unfolded his feelings: "I missed dad. I don't like he works so much. I want to wait for him to come back and play with legos."

Tag a friend who needs to read this :)

01/18/2023

Hey parent!
Do you ever get angry with your child's behavior? No?
Maybe annoyed? Or frustrated? Oh well, let's be honest with ourselves...it happens to all of us!

Everyone has all the range of emotions! We are humans and no matter what we do, we experience all of them. As a friend of mine, mother of a 4 y.o. told me once: "I have all the emotions you can find in a dictionary, in a day!"

And all of the emotions are acceptable and we will experience them. That's a given!

But? What matters is how often we experience them, how tense they are and what we do with them.

Today, let's analyze a bit the emotion of anger! Have you ever been triggered and angry because of what your child did?

But is that so? I mean...did you experience anger because of your child's behavior or because of your expectations from your child...or because of the result of your child's behavior... or because you care what others will say about your parenting...or because you feel guilty that you haven't taught them how to behave? And the list goes on...

For example, your child brakes a vase. Do you feel anger because you expected them to be more careful, or because you have to clean up the mess, or because the neighbours will get annoyed by the noise, or because your mother-in-law who saw the incident will judge your parenting, or because you weren't able to be a better parent and teach them how to be more careful?

Feelings are ours and if we want to teach our child how to become more resilient, we need to pay closer attention on how we react when we feel triggered. Children notice and copy our actions way more than what we tell them to do.

So? Let me share some ideas that have helped many of the parents I have worked with:
1. Observe your reactions while you experience challenges and not that challenging feelings.
2. Accept all of them
3. Self-reflect about the techniques you use to calm down

Once you are aware, you have done half of the work ;)

It's not the child's action that creates our emotion, but the fact that we get triggered by it. Once we realize that, we might get less and less triggered ;)

Do you know any friends who would need to read that? Tag and share!

01/18/2023

Hey parent!

I hear you! Loud and clear!!! You and every parent, wish health and farewell to their child. So, it's obvious, that when your child has to stop what they are doing, you need to protect them and that's why you scream "Be careful!!"

And you are absolutely right...most of the times.

Don't take me wrong.

I ALWAYS and ALWAYS say and will say to protect our children and KEEP THEM SAFE!

But. Sometimes. Some parents, overprotect them and that has the result of making them less brave, less curious, more afraid and in some cases unwilling to try new activities or very anxious to feel safe in new environments.

IF this rings a bell to you and you have noticed that you say or even yell "Be careful!" too many times per day, let me share with you some alternatives on that topic:

Always keep them safe, but also observe well the situation and try to separate your feeling from the situation. For example, your child is trying to step on a wood on the playground, because they want to balance. You could try to tell them: "When we want to step on sth, we always try first with our foot, to see if it is stable enough. Then, we step on it and keep checking if it will stay stable."

That doesn't "kill" the curiosity and the self-esteem of the child. However, it increases the skills of your child through practical guidance. And that strengthens their self-esteem, increases their awareness and opens their path to resiliency!

Another way to create or increase awareness is to focus on their senses!

For example:
"Do you hear the cars? The road is nearby."

"Where will you step to go up? Where will you hold your hands?"

That way you use their sensitive period of sensories to attract their attention

And you are more specific to become more clear to them.

If you feel like you need more guidance on these topics, I am here for you!! DM me or leave a comment!

Stay safe all of you and keep being curious!

If you need to feel you deal with your child's tantrums like a pro, check out my "Beyond Tantrumms" online course! I take you step by step with easy to apply strategies! Link in bio!

01/17/2023

Το να βρεις το κομμάτι με το φλουρί είναι τύχη! Το να χαίρονται οι άλλοι με τη χαρά σου δεν είναι τύχη. Είναι ευτυχία! Καλή, χαρούμενη χρονιά!