06/11/2020
9 years married! Today marks a day that one decision changed the course of my life!
Friends, marriage isnāt easy. Me and my spouse sure had our share of challenges to face. But if you and your spouse are willing to lay pride aside and work through all āthe thingsā (i.e. issues of the character, of the heart and of the mind, and letās not forget all the things we bring from our own family of origin š¬) that need some re-working - it is so worthwhile. It takes a willingness on both parts and a whole lot of patience and positive regard for both yourself and your spouse. And also a great therapist š
Actually Iāll say this - as a therapist myself I still get the sense that so many couples fear getting help or working through things. I know it is a highly private journey and one to be guarded. But stepping out of denial is really the first step towards progress. Telling ourselves that no one else struggles, that we can work through it ourselves, that it is the other person that has the problems or needs to change, is often just giving into self-deceit. I mean we all have our share of excuses as to why we arenāt the ones who need help.
Iām so grateful that the marriage we had on our wedding day is far from the one we have today. Iām so grateful that we were both willing stick with one another through the valleys of the heart.
Now I will say given we are unique individuals, no one marriage is the same. Anytime there is violence and safety issues involved in a relationship, therapy requires a different course of action. So in no way am I condoning or saying that staying in unsafe relationships is ever ok - and that includes marriage. I never judge anyone for determining what they need, which could be leaving an unsafe relationship.
Oh and ps: if youāre reading this and are open to some good reads check out John Gottman and Sue Johnson on YouTube, audible or in the form of a good olā book. You wonāt be disappointed for the time you take to work on your discovery!
Finally, as a Therapist, I have completed the level 1 Gottman Couples Therapy Course. So, stay tuned as I will be sharing more in the upcoming weeks about parenting and relationships!
