Embracing Pleasure

For the Men out There

When I first began working in the realm of s*x and intimacy 11 years ago, I limited my work to women only. At that time, I was most interested/knowledgeable about women’s s*xuality and, in all honesty, I didn’t have good enough boundaries to work with men. Today, out of the hundreds of clients I work with each year, half are men. I’ve grown to love working with men and I’m continually in awe of their vulnerability, honesty, commitment to personal growth, dedication, awareness, and desire for better intimacy. I know many people view men and women as vastly different (and there are differences) but I also recognize so many similarities. Just like many of the women I work with, men also express a deep fear that they’re broken or not enough, are afraid to be fully seen, have shame about their body, anxiety about performance, resort to pleasing and feel a deep longing for physical affection and touch. Many feel unworthy of time and attention, being heard and the kind of loving intimacy they desire.

A big difference between men and women that I do notice is that men seem very resistant to group work or activities where they might be seen in their vulnerability or as not knowledgeable about something. So far, partnered men (often brought by their partners), partnered women (attending alone or with their partner) and single women all come to my intimate group work offerings, but individual men don’t. This is unfortunate because small groups are ideal settings for learning that we aren’t alone in what we’re experiencing, and offer an environment where we can learn with and from each other.

There’s one week left to register for my Body Awakening - An Intimate Journey course and there are 2 spots left for our group (max of 15 and we have 13). I’m putting this out as a call to anyone, and especially those who might be interested in the course but are worried about how they’re going to be seen and perceived by others. If you're on the fence, I want you to know that it would enrich our group to have your presence and perspective. Link to register in the comments.

I spent over a year creating my Body Awakening Course, because I wanted it to encompass much more than simply learning a new style of touching. Intimacy, to me, is a whole person experience and I wanted the participants to, at the end of it, recognize touch as something sacred. I imagined them walking away from the 9 months with a feeling of reverence for; the gift of touching another person, the body of the person they touch (whether it be their own or someone else’s) and the sensations that can be experienced through all the wonderful textures that skin provides. Along with this, I wanted them to be aware of and prepared for what can come up when we touch another person’s body in a safe and attuned way. Soft, slow, present touch can create an opening that extends much deeper than the surface of the skin —bringing up intense sensations, emotions, pleasure, resistances, wounds, insecurities and unmet needs in both the person being touched and the person touching. To hold space for this requires self-awareness, attunement, curiosity, communication, reverence and lots of practice.

We began our 9 month online journey learning about ourselves and how experiences in infancy and childhood shape the way we interact in intimacy as adults. We learned to attune to our own breath as a tool for self-awareness and how to expand our breathing patterns so we can safely feel more and ultimately experience more pleasure. We practiced exploring and touching our own bodies to discover what sensations we could feel through our skin, and learned how to combine breath, touch and imagery to increase and plateau those sensations when feeling more gets too much. We developed self-awareness around what gets in the way of our ability to be present when touching others, noticing when it happens and how to continually come back to the sensations in our fingers we feel through our touch. While we practiced all of this individually or in partnership, we came together online every two weeks to share our discoveries, pleasures, doubts, feelings, insecurities, tears and lots of laughter. In this safe, shared space we discovered that we aren’t the only ones who find intimacy challenging, scary and exciting.

We spent 7 months ensuring the quality of what we are able to offer through our touch — whether alone, in partnered intimacy or with clients — before applying our learning to touching others. Body Awakening touch is less about techniques (although there are some) and more to do with getting out of our own way to be present, attuned, curious and reverent to the experience so that who we are really comes through our touch. This, to me, is what intimacy is all about. In the last month of learning, some of the participants chose to participate in the In Person portion of the course where they deepened their practice on each other and then with volunteers from the community. It was an absolute joy for me to witness them creating a cozy space for their volunteer touch partners and welcoming them in with reverence, compassion and curiosity for whatever might come up.

As the teacher and creator of this modality and course, the past 9 months have been more rewarding than any previous work I’ve done. Creating a course that embodies the integrity that I believe touching a body deserves, and witnessing the evolution of the participants as they grow and learn together has been beyond meaningful to me. When we touch in a reverent, present and attuned way, there is no limit to our potential for connection, pleasure, growth and intimacy.

I’m excited to be once again offering this course beginning in March of 2026. There are options for Individuals, couples or practitioners interested in Online learning, In Person Experiential learning and Certification. Early bird registration opens January 5th and I would be honored to have you join. Details on my site and please reach out if you have any questions. https://natashasalaash.com/body-awakening-course/

When a body has learned to defend itself from harm, it often shows up for women as extreme overstimulation when touched, numbness or pain. When the armor (that was created to protect from further harm) is no longer needed, it can be frustrating for the woman who just wants to feel pleasure and enjoy s*x. In situations like these, I help them learn to take the power back through attuning to their own body, listening and developing awareness about what they want and need moment to moment. To help their defenses back off and their armor dissipate, their nervous system needs to know that she is in control and will choose what is right and best for herself. I liken it to her best friend defending her from a jerk until she sees she can defend yourself.

Sometimes, in situations such as these, pleasure can feel like an impossible goal and the woman may become disheartened that she isn’t experiencing it. Being treated as “s*xually dysfunctional” for years, what’s wrong, becomes the narrative. In fact, the “dysfunction” is simply our teacher reminding us where guards are up and that it hasn’t yet felt safe to let them down. When this happens, we focus on bringing her back to what I call baseline or, as my client yesterday said, “neutrality.” “It feels neutral, like there’s space” she said with a smile. This incredible place of neutrality — where there’s no longer pain, just present moment connection and awareness — is where possibilities of pleasure exist.

It’s incredible to watch and feel the guards come down and a v***a come to life, fill with color and plumpness. To feel my finger welcomed inside like a warm hug - no tension, guarding or resistance. “Your va**na feels alive, plush, soft and completely normal” I say. “Take it in, receive it, feel what neutrality feels like in your body. There’s nothing wrong with you at all, you’re just helping your guards come down.” Eyes glistening, she smiles receiving it in. As she satiates in this space of neutrality we joke that we could be watching Netflix for how relaxed her body is. Sometimes she notices resistance wanting to come up in other areas of her pelvis — unsure if it’s really safe to be this soft and relaxed. She notices them, we recognize them as friends double checking in that she’s okay, and with her soft exhale she brings her attention back to the spacious bliss of neutrality. ❤

I am seeing more and more seniors (+65) seek out my S*x and Intimacy Counseling practice. Some express a desire to continue or resume an active s*x life after losing a long term partner and others want to know what else they can experience in the realms of pleasure, connection and exploration. Some talk about how they adapt positions and modify their ideas of what s*x means because of certain physical restrictions. Others mention the connection between s*xual energy and life energy and how they can feel this energy throughout the day.

Recently, a man in his 70's told me how he got picked up by a woman in her 80's and they had great s*x! Hearing these stories excites me to no end, reminds me that vitality is not skin deep and makes me wish there were more spaces for all ages of people to talk, ask questions and share about s*x and all that surrounds it.

Send a message to learn more