Sabrina Bugg-Ewen

llowing year to the other high school to graduate 1996/97. I met my husband when I was in the last year of high school and we married in 2000. We had our first daughter in 1999 and welcomed our second daughter in 2004. Welcomed our first grandson in 2020 during the pandemic. I have always been a hard worker. Whether I was working on adjacent farms or our own or babysitting for others. I got my first job as a waitress when I was 13. I have always managed to work two or three jobs at a time; when I was not working, I was working out with weights, running miles, or playing sports. Started volunteering at care homes in high school and became a health care aide outside of school. Worked at Lions Prairie Manor from 1997 (certified HCA in 2002) until I moved to Thompson with my family in 2004. Where I worked as a HCA at the Thompson Hospital then when the Northern Spirit Manor Care Home was built I worked there also. I started doing home care for a palliative child until her passing, as well as DOT (direct observation therapy) with the TB program. As I was gaining more knowledge of different areas of health care I decided to go back to University for nursing. At 28 years old I decided I should take my BN. I worked nights at the hospital or care home so I could pay to go to school during the day. I believe for most of the 6 years I was in University I did not sleep since I was working for everyone else. I would take my kids to school then off I would go to University, then I would tutor after class, get supper ready for my family, then off to work for the night. I graduated with my BN degree in 2013 and broke my thumb off and was late getting my practicum done due to the severity of the injury. I did my senior practicum in Portage la Prairie Emergency which was a fantastic experience. I worked with amazingly talented nurses that I learned so much from. I knew that I wanted to work in an emergency room after all the amazing experience I received on my practicum. I applied as a grad nurse to the emergency department in Thompson and received word that I got the job as I was driving back to Thompson after writing my CRNE exam in Winnipeg. I remember that I was so excited as I drove home that day. Six weeks after writing my exam I got a letter in the mail and it read FAIL. I was devastated. I was a 4.0 in university and I could not control my anxiety to write an exam that would change my life. I sucked it up, went back to work and studied again knowing that I knew the information, but the fear of the exam was taking over. I drove down to Wpg three months later to write the exam again. I was so anxious I did not know what was going to happen, or how I was going to do this again. I requested to write the exam in a private room to be away from everyone and all the noise and distractions but was denied even when I explained about my anxiety. I sucked it up, sat down where I was told, and wrote the exam for the second time knowing the materiel but attacked with fear. I felt defeated, but I sucked it up again and went back to work every day. Six weeks later that letter came and with paralyzing fear I opened the letter. Bam in bold print it read FAIL. I was devastated, humiliated, and crushed! I cried for quite some time, blaming everyone else for my failure and not my crippling fear and my distortion to fit it. All I could think is “what are people going to think of me now,” I was a loser in my own mind, and I did not think I could face anyone. This took over me, it consumed me as things all started to fall apart. All this hard work, no sleep, helping everyone while depleting myself and nothing to show for it. I cannot express enough how hard this hit me and I did not realize how much until it started affecting my personal life, and my relationships with my family. I thought in my mind that there was no way I could face my colleagues, or friends after this news. I would think about what others were thinking about or talking about me and how was I going to face them everyday with a big failure posted on me. That was the anxiety talking, and it was crippling me. I was having an extremely hard time with everything and I could not get out of my head. I did have sound advise from an amazing teacher, mentor and Nurse. She told me to challenge the LPN exam, so I did. This time I made sure to get out of my head by taking an Ativan prior to writing so that I could control my fear and just write. I also had in my head it does not matter how this plays out because I failed the exam I needed to pass. In 4 weeks, I got a letter saying PASSED. I was happy but still extremely disappointed in myself for everything that I sacrificed to go to school, and I screwed it up by allowing FEAR to control me. I knew I could not face my colleagues in ER, nor my friends, so in my mind there was no choice I must leave town. I was embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, angry and selfish. In 2014 we moved to Brandon, MB so that we could start a new life. I swallowed my pride and went to work as an LPN in the Hospital. Since this 2021 I have been exhausted mentally and physically, and I knew that I needed to walk away from what I built my life around (work) and find myself again. I have had many great experiences looking after people my whole life, but I believe there is a reason that all of these things happened. The universe was trying to tell me something and I was not listening……. for most of my life I did not listen to any warnings that the universe was sending me. I chose to fight the system and not surrender myself to go with the flow. I was always trying to force instead of just letting things happen in divine time. I have noticed that there has always been a constant in my life and that has always been exercise. It was something I could always come back to at any time. It was the freeing feeling of running as you feel the wind on your face, being alone with your thoughts and your favorite music pounding in your ears. I could always feel better when I was working out, being closer with my soul. When I was 31, I accomplished my goal and won gold at the Ironman in Thompson. It was amazing!!! All the times in my life that I have felt the best was when I was playing a sport, coaching a sport or working out, swimming, running or biking. I felt the need to tell you all one of the sh*ttiest things that happened in my life, but they are not to be overshadowing all the good as well. Nursing has been my life’s work, its all I wanted to do was to help people. I tell you about my horribly low point in my life that I managed to crawl out of because it is still changing me today. I have since let all things go that no longer serve me and have decided for my own mental health to do what I love and spend time with the people I love. I have spent so many years looking after everyone else and it is my time to become the person I was meant to be. I have been courageous by speaking my truth and making sure to keep speaking my truth. I do not ever let fear control my life again, I have since taken back my life and have become my own boss. I stand up everyday in front of the world by going live, to spread joy, light, and love. I am transforming my business into an empire and with perseverance it will happen sooner than later. I have been experiencing a spiritual awakening for the past few months, and it has changed my whole life. With my digital business I can make anything possible. I work for me, and answer to me. No more working 12 – 16-hour days/nights, missing family events, missing life; living to work is over. I have decided that I am needed with my family and that is where I love to be. I have my digital business that I can do anywhere and never have to worry about missing out on life events in my families lives. I have chosen to live life to the fullest and never look back. As life ages you, it quiets you and humbles you in such a way that I begin and end my day with gratitude. Gratitude for life has become especially important to me, making sure that I show gratitude for everything in my life and for everything coming into my life. Life is too short to not enjoy it to its fullest, I choose to be silly, take dance breaks, and break out of the mold by going with my own flow. I have fought many battles in my life, but they are all behind me now, and they are what have made me into a fierce, courageous, strong, independent, wealthy women I am today. Like they say, “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.” Follow your dreams, and do not let fear stand in the way of your freedom! Sending you much Love and Light,

Sabrina Bugg-Ewen