Katrina Murphy Coaching

What does emotional intelligence look like?

When you discuss with someone how they've hurt you, there's a few ways they can respond. But they resemble one of these two:

#1- I'm sorry you feel that way.
#2- I'm sorry what I did / said made you feel that way.

#1 deflects, takes no responsibility

#2 comes from a place of empathy and responsibility. That person sees your pain and can imagine how you’re feeling. And they own their behavior.

That's emotional intelligence!

Pro Tip: watch for DARVO: deny - attack - reverse victim & offender - a classic response used by abusers to manipulate the victim when confronted about their behavior.

This will look like #1 with an added ‘but you did (this) to me first' or 'I wouldn't have, if you hadn't (whatever they want to spin this as)...’.

Don't allow the conversation to be spun so that you end up apologizing.

XO

PS: For those who like the visual, some beautiful art from our recent Mexico excursion!

I'm sure you're been inundated with posts about the importance of creating your resolutions for this new year.

Well, I'm kinda ~meh~ on that.

Don't get me wrong, goals are important.

But for many high-achievers, we place ourselves in a constant onslaught of bigger - better - getting more, situations and expectations.

And yes, we do that to ourselves so much that the people around us just start to expect that we function at that level.

That we have a greater capacity.

And if you're like many of the people I know, one day it just becomes...

A LOT.

And there's overwhelm ...and stress ....and frustration.

And yes, we've set ourselves up for this.

It's internal.

AND it's figure-out-able.

So maybe...

Instead of adding to the endless stream of expectations that you've become accustomed to...

You might want to just step back ....

And take a minute...

To breathe a little deeper.

You got this.

(...and I'm just a DM away if you feel like you don't.)

💛

I see this all the time.

Someone who’s built an incredible career - respected, capable and the one everyone counts on.
They’ve done everything “right.”
Yet somewhere along the way,
things start to feel off.

The drive is still there, but the joy isn’t.
They’ve hit the goals but lost themselves in the process.

The hard truth:
You might be prioritizing who you think you should be over who you actually are.

High achievers - especially those in leadership - often build success by:
-> meeting expectations
->performing at high levels
-> staying in control

But over time, your sense of worth can get tied to things like:
• productivity
• perfection
• external validation

That’s when the disconnect shows up.
Success on paper, but emptiness underneath.

The real discomfort comes when you realize that
continuing to do what looks right to everyone else
might be quietly costing you your joy,
your presence and your authenticity.

Reclaiming alignment means letting go of the roles and identities that once made you feel safe, respected and important
but no longer serve your well-being.

It’s not easy.

But it’s essential
and it's the path back to freedom.

What if you're not broken?

What if there's nothing to fix?

What if it's really all about
letting go of all of the lies
that you've bought into about yourself.

-> All of the 'beliefs'.
-> Ways you think about yourself.
-> Parts of yourself that aren't 'good enough'.

The reality is that 'letting go' means releasing
all the things you 'think' you need to fix about yourself.

It's about the undoing...
The un-conditioning
The excavation

Of all those things that you think are wrong with you.
And just being yourself instead.

So what if there's nothing to fix?

Then it's all just an illusion.

So maybe...
Just maybe...
It's really about letting go of the lie
that there was anything wrong with you
in the first place.

xo

My EI isn’t a weakness…

It’s the launchpad for my success.

‘Too sensitive’ is the advice I heard for years.

And it’s the advice I needed least.

For years, I felt like I was failing if I couldn’t just “relax.”

When everyone else seemed to brush things off,
-> I cared too much.
-> I noticed too early.
-> I asked deeper questions.

Hindsight, wisdom, and experience taught me:
My "over caring" was never the problem.
It was my edge.
So I embraced it.

-> I stopped explaining my gut feelings away.
If I noticed a shift, I named it - even if it made others uncomfortable.

-> I applauded myself for “over-preparing” and called it strategy, not anxiety.

-> I learned to say, “Here’s what I’m already sensing,” - Unapologetically and without guilt.

If you’re the one who can’t “just relax,”
Or don't do things like others do...
You’re not failing.
You're free.

Over-caring has always made me different.

And giving myself permission
to embrace what makes me different,
is a game changer.

Don’t let anyone shame you out of your edge.

I love this quote by Scott Stabile.

🫶

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Success is never a straight line.

Navigating career, relationships, family, and parenting -
with two people who are both growing and changing -
isn’t all smiles, sunsets, and snuggles.

Sometimes things fall apart.
Sometimes it’s chaos.
Sometimes it hurts.

And somehow, you find a way forward.

For me, family has always been a driving force:
a reminder that true success includes both who you are and what you do.

So when someone messages me saying, “I feel lost,”
it usually points to something deeper -
a disconnect between their outer success and inner fulfillment.

In other words, the personal cost of success has started to feel too high.

Many of my clients are exceptional at what they do -
leading teams, growing businesses, achieving results -
and yet quietly struggling in their relationships or at home.

They’re looking for support.
Perspective.
A safe, sane and grounded space
to make sense of what’s no longer working
and chart what’s next.

That’s the work I do.

You don’t have to figure it out alone.
There’s a more aligned, sustainable way forward.

Let’s talk.

— Your Lighthouse

Three things that are always within your control…
-> What you think
-> What you do or don't do
-> How you process your emotions

We simply can’t control other people, other situations or other interpersonal dynamics.

Sometimes...
We have a boss that micromanages
We have a coworker that's toxic
We have "friends“ that are never really happy for our achievements.

It's not about controlling other people
It's about controlling our ourselves

- What we think
- How we act
- What we feel

Rise above the noise.

Take back control.

You got this.

💛

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Katrina Murphy and then hit the 🔔 button
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What’s the #1 concern I see?

After speaking with hundreds of professionals, managers and executives,
There's one common factor that quietly emerges...

Chronic stress

Not just “being busy.”
Not “a bad week.”

The kind of physiological & psychological strain that overwhelms the body’s capacity to mitigate its effects.

A quiet onslaught that breaks down the body and mind.

What this looks like in real life:
*A Controller, who suddenly experiences the emergence of an autoimmune disorder.
*A Dean who has regular chest pains, feels short of breath and is often ill.
*A COO who can no longer regulate their body weight or sleep.
*A middle manager with high blood pressure and brain fog
*A Principal who feels overwhelming pessimism, apathy and unhappiness.

Then, even if medical attention is sought, providers often miss key elements:
1. Stress doesn’t show up on a lab test - We don’t evaluate the cumulative toll of years of strain.
2. Patients ‘push through’ being conditioned to “handle it all” and minimize symptoms.
3. Medicine does not focus on chronic overload.

By the time stress brings you to the ER, the damage is already years old.

So here’s a quick list of questions to ask yourself:
-> Do you wake up feeling rested?
-> Have daily tasks started to feel harder to manage?
-> Have you noticed an elevated heart rate, chest pain, odd body changes or unexplained pain?
-> Is it easy to regulate your nervous system, prioritize rest and recover from stressful incidents?
-> What’s gotten harder for you to handle this year?

Because stress isn’t just a feeling, it’s a killer.

Despite how it looks on paper...
Many leaders struggle with fulfillment.

And not because of a lack of skill or drive.

They struggle because fulfillment feels out of reach.

Titles, promotions, and results check the boxes…
but they don’t always fill the space inside.

True fulfillment in leadership isn’t about chasing more.
It’s about aligning deeper with your values, purpose and your people.

Here are 6 ways leaders can create greater fulfillment 👇

1. Live and Lead by Values
Fulfillment is deeply tied to authenticity. Leaders who know their own values, and make decisions aligned with them, create an environment where others can do the same. This builds trust, clarity, and meaning.

2. Create Space for Meaningful Work
Fulfillment grows when people know their work matters. Connect daily tasks to a bigger vision by highlighting the human impact of their work, not just the metrics.

3. Prioritize Well-Being and Balance
Burnout and overextension drain fulfillment. Leaders who normalize rest, boundaries, and life outside of work foster healthier, more engaged teams.

4. Encourage Growth and Experimentation
Fulfillment often comes from progress and learning. Leaders can cultivate curiosity, resilience, and the courage to try new things.

5. Invest in Relationships
True fulfillment is rarely found in isolation. Leaders who prioritize genuine connection with their teams, peers, mentors, and even themselves, experience deeper satisfaction and loyalty.

6. Redefine Success Beyond Performance
If success only equals results, fulfillment becomes fleeting. Leaders who measure success in terms of impact, growth, and alignment with purpose create space for more sustainable happiness.

I'm interested -> Do the achievements sometimes feel hollow? And if they do, how do you foster your own fulfillment?

💛

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I implemented and spent years running the healthy snack program
at my children’s elementary school.

Funding.
Volunteer recruitment.
Scheduling.
Menus.

Every bit of it was volunteer.

Our school received awards and recognition
But I wasn’t there for that.

I had a purpose:
To ensure no child was trying to learn on an empty stomach.

Later, when I took over the hot lunch program,
my approach didn’t change.

Some families could pay.
Some couldn’t.

But every child deserved to eat.

That experience stays with me as a lesson in leadership:
Fulfillment doesn’t come from titles or paychecks.
It comes from impact.

True happiness in leadership is found in creating
environments where people have what they need to thrive.

Whether it’s food for kids or trust, clarity, and support for your team
the principle is the same.

Leaders don’t just manage tasks.
-> They remove barriers.
-> They nurture potential.
-> They make sure no one is left behind.

That’s where real fulfillment in leadership begins.
💛

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