Breakthrough Coaching

𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗧𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝘀𝘁-𝗣𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗰 𝗣𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗵
With companies and organizations mandating employees back to work whether part-time or full-time, you may be wondering (or a little scared) about what going back into the office will cost you financially (and timewise).

Working from home has afforded many people a few opportunities to save money--certainly, it has cut most people’s need for public transit or parking costs as well as coffee and eating out. Furthermore, with interest rates having risen eight times in the past 12 months, many people are feeling the pinch of budgetary constraints.

Almost two years ago, I decided to make some financial changes in my life and increase my financial literacy. I read through several personal finance books, started saving in a TFSA and RRSP, created an emergency fund, paid off all my debt, and started a side hustle. Still, as prices increase around me, I’m also feeling the pinch, and so I thought I would share a few tips on how you can save money and make the most of it.

𝗕𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸. Instead of buying a bus pass or paying for parking, consider riding your bike to work. Let’s say you’re mandated to go into the office twice a week, and parking runs you $15 a day. That comes to $30 per week for let’s say 48 weeks, for five years, which is 240 weeks. If you invest that money in a 7% interest-yielding low-cost index fund, riding your bike will accumulate you $9,307.08. If you are going into the office three days a week, your investment will come to $13,960.62. Not a bad return on parking, and getting in shape.

𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵. I love coffee, but buying coffee on the outside is a liability, because I like good coffee, and if I’m without, I’ll likely splurge for a four-shot long espresso, which’ll run me $5-6. Lunch is easily $15, which makes a two-day in-office cost $21. If we put that money in our index fund, the figure comes to $13,029.91 over five years. If you are in the office three days a week, that figure is $19,544.86 invested in the same index fund.

𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴. Maybe the pandemic has increased your alcohol consumption, and you’re spending $100 a week on drinks. Given recent studies on the harmful effects of alcohol, let’s say you quit drinking alcohol in the house and only treat yourself to a glass of wine when you go out, so I’m not completely ruining your buzz. If you put that $100 in the same investment vehicle as above, your return on investment for not drinking would come to $31,023.59 over five years.

All together, in a two-day in-the-office scenario, by cycling into work, bringing your own coffee and lunch, and not drinking at home, in five years you could accumulate $53,360.58. In a three-day in-the-office scenario, that figure comes to $64,529.07.

That’s a new car, a significant chunk to add to your mortgage or a pretty decent "fun” fund, considering that a trip around the world goes for about $30K. I realize that the scenario I portrayed is not for everyone. You can cut this strategy into a different size that’s right for you.

There’s many different ways to cut costs and save (and make) a little extra money. Here is a list of resources to help you save money or make extra with a side hustle.

- https://www.canada.ca/en/financial-consumer-agency.html. The FCAC is Canada’s federal agency that “works to keep Canada’s financial system safe and strong,” and they offer a lot of resources free of charge to help Canadians be more financially literate.

- https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/ Mr. Money Mustache (MMM) is a well-versed finance enthusiast, whose blog and website provides a wide range of advice on what books to read, what credit cards are the best for savings or traveling, which phone plans to subscribe to, etc. He’s been keeping a regular blog for several years and has lots of resources on how to save money. What I appreciate about MMM is how he sometimes makes his points by doing the math for us, as I did above.

- https://g.co/kgs/h7CTFa Optimal Finance Daily is an audio blog that reads financial articles to you from various other finance blogs across the internet. What I like about this is that the articles are short, on point, offer a wide variety of topics, and I can do the dishes as I increase my financial IQ.

- https://radicalfire.com/ Radical FIRE, like MMM, provides a lot of ideas on how to make extra money, how to save, what books to read and how to reach financial freedom. Though the Optimal Finance Daily podcast recommends this site, I prefer MMM mostly because it’s not overrun by ads.

𝗜𝗳 𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗘𝗺𝗯𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱, 𝗧𝗿𝘆 𝗛𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿

Filmmaker and cultural icon Quentin Tarantino says that if you’re not embarrassed by your writing, then you aren’t digging deep enough. What he means is that he takes elements and feelings from his life, which he knows some people will recognize, leaving him exposed and vulnerable in some way.

Most of us spend our lives perfecting the art of concealing our feelings from the world, lest the world turn on us and make us feel the pain of embarrassment of being found out. Looking at the news and social media, one can see that the world seems bent on exposing others in consistent and cruel ways.

My father lived a life of appearances. He had a trophy wife, a successful business, a fast, shiny car, a luxurious condo, and traveled the world first class. One time, when I was 19 years old, my dad sat down at the table and started telling me that he was thinking about making some life changes. He used the phrase, “F--k the show,” meaning that his life was a show for others to watch. Sadly, he never made the changes he yearned to make.

It’s easy to live a life hidden away behind walls, whether they comprise material luxuries, thriving careers, social-media enviable relationships, exotic travels…Not that these things aren’t worthwhile. They just aren’t worthwhile if they are fulfilling a posture instead of an authentic desire. Sometimes, we hide under the guise that we don’t care. But that’s not true. I care. You care. We all care.

Half the time (at least), when I write these blogs, I think to myself a) who cares what I think? b) these blogs are so basic, a child knows this stuff, and c) everyone must think I’m ridiculous. Maybe some people do think that. Truth is if I want to be a writer and help people, I need to practice. I’m not going to please everyone, and I don’t have to. What I need to do is keep believing in myself enough to keep moving forward, which includes sharing my life experiences in a positive manner through these blog entries.

Funny enough, I always get some positive feedback on these, whether publicly or privately. Sometimes, I get a compliment on my writing itself. That’s more than enough to keep going.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝗦𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲: 𝗖𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗝𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗔𝗺𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗮 - 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟯 𝗼𝗳 𝟯

Today, I share the final part of my chat on marriage with Jake and Amelia.

Enjoy!

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𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝗴 (𝗖𝗚): 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿?

Jake (J): Nothing. I overshare with her.

Amelia (A): Hmm. I think my feelings of, you know, wanting some alone time.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺𝗲.

A: Yeah. Making it appear like I have it all together when I’m freaking out inside. There’s a lot of depression in my family. I don’t get depressed. I get anxious. I would go into a store and I’d spiral. I couldn’t pull it together. But now with all the tools out there, like, I do tapping, I have crystals, so I find I won’t overshare what’s really going on inside my head, but he always picks up on it. Like, I’ll start freaking out over why the shoes are in a certain place.

J: Oh my God.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗢𝗵 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻. 𝗜 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁, 𝘁𝗼𝗼.

A: Ya. I find that reading your articles helps me. I’m a big fan of Mel Robbins. At the end of the day, I’m a big fan of having lists. [laughs]

J: You’re very organized.

A: I’m very organized, but crazy. I wish I could be just a little more chill. Like, he’s very chill. He’s calming to me. I wouldn’t say I am chill at all.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲?

A: So, years ago, we were so intertwined in debt, I realized that debt held us together. Even if I’d wanted to, I thought to myself, we can’t afford to leave this thing.

J: She wanted nothing to do with me.

A: You know what it was, though? He was working such crazy hours that I had the boys figured out for school feeding them, activities… I didn’t need him. Whereas I left for a week on vacation once and I came back and he was like, “You can never leave again!” Whereas, if he left for a week, I don't even think I would have noticed. We were living in the same marriage but not the same realities.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗜 𝗴𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝘀 𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗴𝗲.

J: We weren’t even in the same book. I still wanted her, though.

A: We saw my sister leave an unhappy marriage with no money, and she had the balls to do it. And I suppose we could have sold the big house and gotten two townhomes, but it just never came to that. I didn’t have the balls to do it.

J: I never wanted to leave you, though.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗿?

J: You probably have an answer for that.

A: OK, I have to tell Greg. This is years later when things were better. This guy calls me at work and tells me that his wife was after Jake and that he had a private investigator follow them. I’m thinking this is kinda hilarious that he got a P.I. He called me another time and reported that “they kissed!” It didn’t break us, though, because when I got the call we had gone through the storm already. Had I got it when things were rough, it may have been the end of it. But I find that because I didn’t want him then, I couldn’t blame him if somebody tried to kiss him because I wasn't kissing him. I didn’t want him then, so I couldn’t blame him. I felt I was at fault as well. Like, I wasn’t being the wife this guy signed up for, and I felt like we had betrayed each other. Like not that I had anyone, because I wanted no one. The guy on the phone wanted me to be so mad.

𝗖𝗚 𝘁𝗼 𝗝𝗮𝗸𝗲: 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝘂𝗽? 𝗪𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗱?

J: Yes.

A: The fact that I don’t remember the names or the story makes things good. Like, people can bring the past up constantly and it will eat away at their marriage. So we dealt with it and moved on, but I remember thinking that if that guy on the phone had called two years earlier, it may have ended our marriage.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝘂𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲?

A: I think it’s little things. Like you know, prepping his coffee. He makes our shakes in the morning.

J: I know what buttons to push if I want but why do that? I want to be happy. There’s nothing to gain by that being a jerk. We know what makes each other happy, so why wouldn’t we keep pursuing that?

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Has your marriage survived some important trials? How did you get past them? Leave a comment!

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝗦𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲: 𝗖𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗝𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗔𝗺𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗮 - 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟮∕𝟯

This week, I’m sharing Part 2 of my interview with Jake and Amelia, who gave such insightful, honest, and charming answers about how they navigate their relationship 25 years into it. Enjoy!

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𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝗴 (𝗖𝗚): 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱?

Amelia (A): I want to say the security and support. Like, I find for me, work is so crazy, and I’m an anxious person, and I have to bring it back to “I’m safe at home, I have good support, the boys are good, I’m good. Nothing else matters. Nothing should matter.” So, for me, it’s security.

Jake (J): For me, it’s like hanging out with your best friend. And I know some people find that corny.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗻𝘆. 𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗼’𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼.

A: So, for example, we’re going away this week. We’re going to New York and then on a little cruise, and it’s just the two of us. People get on our nerves, and when it’s just us, it’s so easy. We never fight about where to go eat.

J: I think the best part of being married is wanting to spend time together still. And even after working from home for the past two years, we still want to hang out. It's amazing. I look at her, and I think she’s so hot.

A: And I always look like trash. When we first started working from home I joked about getting in touch with the HR department to report harassment.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱?

A: This is going to sound funny, but I’m never lonely. I haven’t been lonely in 25 years. I don’t remember going through a whole day without knowing what to do with my day. Earlier on, he had his hobbies and his alone time, and I remember thinking, I’m glad he’s getting his alone time, but then I was like, “when’s my alone time?” He having a hobby means that I can read in peace.

J: You love to read.

A: I love my own time. I get up before 5 and that’s my time. That’s when I can read or whatever. So I have at least a few hours by myself. If he gets up early on the weekend, like 6:30 or 7, I’m like what are you 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨? I mean, good morning!

[Laughs]

J: I think if you have a list of the worst parts of your marriage, then you shouldn’t be married.

A: When he tells me he has a plan, I’m like *claps* good for you!

J: I can honestly say that I don’t know what the worst part would be because I don’t know of any in our marriage.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝘆 𝘀𝗼𝗹𝗶𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗿.

A: Wow!

𝗖𝗚: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴?

A: Knowing that he’s there. Not wondering if he’ll be there for me tomorrow. I don’t have to ever worry about that.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝘂𝘆𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁.

J: I don’t want to say that we’re a well-oiled machine, but … as much as our marriage is great, it isn't perfect, but it is a well-oiled machine in terms of whatever we need to be.

A: We seem to have the same goals too. Like, with the kids, for example. Yesterday, we brought our son to get his learner’s permit, and I forgot his passport, so I texted Jake in a panic. He had dropped us off and was going to an appointment. So he dropped that appointment and doubled back to pick us up, and he wasn’t upset. We had a common goal: We were getting this kid his learner’s permit. And I was mad at myself, like, I should have known to bring the proper documentation. It could have been a big fight. He could have come to pick us up and been hard on me. But he was chill about it. It was just nice.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗜𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗼𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗺.

A: It could have been a huge fight. But instead, we went home, got the passport, and the kid got his learner’s. We came together without needing to discuss it. We knew what the goal was.

J: We aren't crusaders of conflict.

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What are the pros and cons of your marriage, and what keeps it strong? Do you agree with Jake and Amelia or is your relationship completely different? Leave a comment!

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝗦𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲: 𝗖𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗝𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗔𝗺𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗮 - 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟭 of 𝟯

Relationships can be challenging, and I’ve always wondered how happy couples stay together, and more importantly, how do they stay happy together.

So I sat down with Jake and Amelia, a couple who’ve been together 25 years, and who turned out to be incredibly sweet and honest about their relationship.

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𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝗴 (𝗖𝗚): 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲? 𝗜𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗿, 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁, 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝘀𝗲𝘅?

Amelia (A): All of it. All those things.

Jake (J): If you’re missing one, something’s going to get caught. You’re going to get snagged.

A: Tolerance for sure. Some things make me crazy. Stupid things like he’ll be sitting in his lazy boy and his ankle cracks. Or he’ll yawn and his jaw will crack.

(𝘈𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘹, 𝘑𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘈𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘚𝘶𝘦 𝘔𝘤𝘎𝘢𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘉𝘦𝘢𝘳’𝘴 “𝘚𝘦𝘹 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘚𝘶𝘦” 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.)

A: Like, I left work that day and I was clearly not telling anyone where I was going. It did help us, though. One of the things she said really stayed with us. She said, “s*x is marriage glue.” And it’s true. It brings you back together.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗦𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗹𝘂𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲?

A: Right. No. Nowadays, if we’re apart on a weekend, he’ll ask for a picture.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁.

A: Argh! It just makes me crazy. What’s sweet about that?

𝗖𝗚: 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹, 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱.

A: Right, when he could go on the internet and get any picture he wants.

J: I look at her and she excites me. You know what I mean?

A: I think he’s nuts.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲. 𝗛𝗲’𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟮𝟱 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀.

J: Yeah, and I find it only increases with time and I just want her more.

A: I’m more complicated, I guess.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗪𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁! 𝗢𝗞, 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁?

J: S*x.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁?

J: I want it. She doesn’t.

A: It’s not that I don’t want it.

J: Right.

A: We’ve always joked about him being on my “to-do” list.

J: Oh that was the worst.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗪𝗮𝗶𝘁, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝘂𝘆𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁?

A: It was a mental list. Like, ok, Saturday I have to do bathrooms, I have to have s*x…do this do that.

J: I hated being on a list. I didn’t want to be associated with cleaning a toilet!

A: But it was his way of communicating it. I would get these long emails…I couldn't. I’d just delete them. I don’t get any more emails. I get cute texts, and that’s fine. But now he knows that’s not my love language.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝘆 “𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂”?

J: Daily.

A: I was going to say “never.”

J: What about at night? You know, I say goodnight…”love you.”

A: Ummm

J: Does it have to be “I love you”?

A: We’re not mushy people. I read up on love languages, and I thought his love language would be s*x, but it turns out that it’s quality time. Mine is more acts of service. So that was interesting.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆?

A: I would recommend learning about each others’ love languages. It makes you understand your partner better and yourself. And don’t get into debt.

J: Don’t get into debt.

𝗖𝗚: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻?

[Silence and awkward pause]

A: We’re really not mushy mushy. I think humour. We’ll laugh at the same kinds of things. Man, we’re getting old.

J: Yeah and I still want you more and more.

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What is your secret to a successful marriage? Do you agree with Jake and Amelia or is your relationship completely different? Leave a comment!

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗲

After completing the movie 𝘈𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰 13, Tom Hanks wanted to explore the concept of the story of a man trapped on a deserted island. In his own words: “I made 𝘊𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘈𝘸𝘢𝘺 because I wanted to examine the concept of four years of hopelessness, in which you have none of the requirements for living—food, water, shelter, fire and company.”

If you haven’t seen 𝘊𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘈𝘸𝘢𝘺, It tells the story of FedEx executive Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks), who is the sole survivor and only inhabitant on a deserted island, after his plane crashes over the Pacific Ocean during a storm, and where he stays for four years, accompanied by only his handmade volleyball friend, Wilson.

I do not know if the film qualifies as a masterpiece of a movie (it certainly may), but it is easily a masterclass in persistence in movie making.

For starters, it took six years to make from its original concept as an idea in Tom Hanks’ head to the movie theatre. The script underwent 125 rewrites, which according to the film’s director Robert Zemeckis, comprised hundreds of thousands of revisions. This doesn’t include the challenges of filming the movie, which are numerous.

For instance, discussion and decisions were made as to whether there would be people on the island, animals, even birds, how Tom Hanks’ character would finally be rescued, how they would film the plane crash, Tom Hanks’ weight gain and extreme weight loss, the choice to not have any music at all until two-thirds through the movie once Tom Hanks breaches the breakers and is sea-bound. The list goes on and on (if you’re interested in learning more, I recommend listening to the film’s commentary with director Robert Zemeckis, director of photography Don Burgess, visual effects supervisor Ken Ralston, co-visual effects supervisor Carey Villegas, and sound designer Randy Thom).

Can you imagine collaborating with anyone on a project that gets rewritten 125 times, and hundreds of thousands of revisions? It’s dizzying to think about. I don’t think anyone, including Tom Hanks and Robert Zemeckis, would have done the movie had they known ahead of time the amount of work, changes, revisions, and challenges they would face. I'll also assume they enjoyed the process on some level.

All in all, 𝘊𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘈𝘸𝘢𝘺 is a remarkable achievement in persistence.

Understandably, not every endeavour we undertake can sustain such an ordeal, which highlights the importance of choosing our goals carefully.

So while you’re toiling away at your personal goals and need a little encouragement, you can think about what the creators of 𝘊𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘈𝘸𝘢𝘺 endured for six years. And further, remember the words of Og Mandino on persistence: “The prizes of life are at the end of each journey, not near the beginning; and it is not given to [us] to know how many steps are necessary in order to reach [our] goal.” Remember to enjoy the journey!

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸

Sources:
- 𝘊𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘈𝘸𝘢𝘺. Directed by Robert Zemeckis, Twentieth Century Fox, 2002.
- “𝘊𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘈𝘸𝘢𝘺,” Wikipedia, 5 October 2022: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cast_Away .
- Mandino, Og. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘎𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘚𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. Hollywood, Florida, Bantam Books, 1968. (p. 64).
- Photo credit: IMDb.com.

Home, Coach Greg Welcome to Coach Greg! I help men set and reach personal and professional goals.

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀

Fall is here. The weather is getting cooler. The trees are changing colour. The people out and about are sporting scarves and nice jackets. It’s all quite lovely. The kids are back in school and back in activities. The pandemic is pretty much over. Some people are choosing to go back into the office. Everything is changing.

When things change, it is foolish to think that our lives will remain unaffected. We get tested, as do the habits that we developed over time to achieve our goals.

Perhaps you’re finding yourself overwhelmed with emerging priorities that come with the season: you have less time to work out, less time for your loved ones, you’re feeling a little burnt out, your budget is taking a hit with the increasing cost of living, your stress has gone up, and so on, and it’s all quite uncomfortable and maybe a little frightening.

We know time tests us. We know it isn’t necessarily going to be easy. That’s what you’ve been preparing for. The test, effectively, is happening now. So hang on and ride it out.

𝟭. 𝗙𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿. Inspirational guru Bob Proctor said: “To have fear, you believe in something you can’t see. To have faith, you believe in something you can’t see. Given the choice, I’ll choose faith over fear.” In other words, don’t self-sabotage by giving in to fear. Just as things may have been going great a month ago, we don’t know how things will be in another few months. How you’re doing today should be a measure of your practice and not necessarily your current state. If you’re practicing the principles that are proven to bring you results, then stay the course. As some of my friends have told me before, don’t quit five minutes before the miracle happens.

𝟮. 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝘃𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝗹𝗱. You can’t have one foot on the boat and one on the dock. It’s time to trust the process and let go. Who knows what the end result will be, but sometimes, we know that not taking a leap of faith--or staying the same--is worse than the alternative. You don’t want to tell the story of how you didn’t take any chances and were safe. You want to tell the story of taking the chance knowing you couldn’t control the outcome. Whether you succeed or fail is kind of irrelevant. Your experience will be valuable to you and those around you, and it’s a much better story to tell your friends and family.

𝟯. 𝗕𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿. We tense up when change comes, even when we’ve been actively working for that change. People get cold feet before they take a leap into a life-altering decision. Maybe you need some Bruce lee wisdom. He said: “Be formless, shapeless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water, my friend.” When we change, we need to stay loose, or else we risk breaking.

𝟰. 𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴’𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲. Maybe you need a tweak to your day-to-day activities. If you see that your life is becoming unmanageable, take stock of what needs to change and let the people in your life know what you need. Taking care of yourself may disappoint people in the moment, but much like exercising faith over fear, acting on principle will be a better example in the long run. If you stay in a state of unmanageability, you’ll likely breed more stress which leads to irritability, intolerance, unhappiness, and overall all things you have been working to avoid. So check in with your ballteam and do what needs to get done. Anyone who matters will see the beauty in it.

Happy fall, and remember that change can be beautiful!

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸

𝗖𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗯𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗠𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗼𝗰𝗿𝗲 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘀

Mediocre: “of only moderate quality; not very good.”

There’s a remarkable scene in Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot (2018) that takes place in an AA meeting, in which Jonah Hill, who plays ”Donnie” tells the meeting attendees:

“When I first entered the program, I had two pairs of pants, one with s--t in them and one without. And I didn’t care which one of them I was wearing. Today, I celebrate mediocrity. I woke up and I put on a pair of non-s---tty pants. And I walked to get a cup of coffee, and it was … delicious. And my day's been pretty good.”

Sometimes, our best is putting on a pair of clean pants. In other words, sometimes, all we can muster is the bare minimum. And not only is that OK, I agree with the sentiment that it is worthy of celebration. If that's the best you got, that's the win. It's not a huge win, but it's a win nonetheless and it's helping you move toward your goal.

This is not to say that we should settle for unhappiness or not set lofty goals. It’s more that success is typically not an end but a journey, and it is always an attitude.

Consider the following to celebrating mediocre wins:
𝟭. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗿𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗺. Many of us have spent too long putting ourselves down either through our words or actions or comparison to others. Being OK with who we are regardless of our scoresheet is where it counts.

𝟮. 𝗪𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗯𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵. My wise sister says that if you only celebrate “success,” you won’t be celebrating very often. Why live like that when you can celebrate each day, instead? I agree. Celebrate that you made your bed, or that you worked out, or that you did half a workout. Think about yourself positively and warmly. You’re worth it.

𝟯. 𝟯:𝟭 𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼. Studies show that there’s a 3 to 1 ratio to success in that it takes three positive thoughts to counter one negative thought. No wonder the world is geared toward negativity and fear. It’s a lot more work being positive. Therefore, by celebrating the little things, you’re building a stronger foundation for your success.

𝟰. 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗲𝗿. In studying concentration camp prisoners, Victor Frankl’s masterpiece, 𝘔𝘢𝘯’𝘴 𝘚𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘔𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, remarked that prisoners who kept a positive outlook in the face of what can be considered the ultimate worst-case scenario for man thrived and survived. Megan M. Fritz and Sonja Lyubomirsky more recently concluded that: “Evidence from longitudinal randomized controlled trials has shown that people can markedly improve their well-being when they engage in so-called “positive activities”—that is, concrete cognitive or behavioral steps (or both) that boost happiness.” Therefore, we know we can choose our outlook, regardless of the circumstances. So be happy and celebrate wherever you are at the moment.

𝟱. 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴. Bud Winter, American track and field coach extraordinaire, in his book 𝘙𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘹 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘞𝘪𝘯, brought forth the theory that being in a relaxed state would bring about better results from his athletes instead of constantly pushing for more excellence. “Winter felt that the best attitude for any type of competition was ‘cool confidence’ not indifference… This is a balancing act. You must want to win. you must be determined, but must be loose — relaxed.”

Self-care, self-love and steady perseverance will bring you the results you desire and work toward. When all you can do is put on a clean pair of pants, then count the win, and keep on trucking.

Sources:
- 𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘏𝘦 𝘞𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘎𝘦𝘵 𝘍𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘍𝘰𝘰𝘵. Directed by Gus Van Sant, Amazon Studios, 2018.
- Frankl, Viktor. 𝘔𝘢𝘯'𝘴 𝘚𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘔𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 1946.
- Fritz, M. Megan and Lyubomirsky, Sonja. “How and Why Positive Activities Can Make You Happier,” 𝘉𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘚𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘵, March 20, 2018.
- Lewis, Michael, host. “Relax and Win from Legacy of Speed,” 𝘈𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭 𝘓𝘦𝘸𝘪𝘴, Pushkin Industries, June 14, 2022.
- Reizen, Julius. “Relax and Win by Bud Winter— Summary,” 𝘔𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘶𝘮.𝘤𝘰𝘮. September 12, 2020.
- Robinson, Bryan, Ph D. “The 3-To-1 Positivity Ratio And 10 Ways It Advances Your Career,” 𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘣𝘦𝘴, October 16, 2020.
- Photo credit: IMDb.com