Mindful Early Childhood Educator

Something I've been curious about for myself lately. What it a good or bad day for the child? Some things that are helpful, like fully staffed programs, low numbers, and extra support. But these things are not in my control and as everyone is all too aware, a rarity in recent times for our field. How do we know if a child is having a good day or a challenging one? Was it a hard day for me, so it was a hard day for the child? Was it a good day for me, so it was a good day for the child? Most times, it's not so black and white. There's so much that intertwines during our day. Maybe shifting from good days and bad days to moments. When parents ask, "Did they have a good day?" They mean were they good for you? Did they make your day easy or hard? What if we share moments and not boil it down to a watered-down generalized statement of "it was a good day or bad day." What did I do to support the child today? What did I observe, and what tools did I try to navigate challenging behaviors? Did I engage with children in ways that built our relationship and partnership? Did I have moments of enjoyment and play with the child? If not, why?

It's not a child's job to give adults easy days. It's our job to research tools and resources so that we can become confident leaders when children need us the most.

What Does It Mean to Be a Good Teacher? Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable. ~David W. Augsburger...

This post is everything to know about child led environment. Worth the read!

Myth Bustin'!!!! (Repost from Aug 2023):

Child-led learning gets a bad rap all because of misinformation, or simply people who think they know, and dont care to learn for sure. Those are typically the adults in the world of early childhood education who cling to the control they have over children and can't fathom letting go.

Lets take a look at what those myths are:

MYTH: There are no boundaries in a child-led program.
MYTH: The adult doesn't coach and guide behaviors
MYTH: there is no structure in a child-led program
MYTH: The environment of a child-led environment is not comfortable for all children.

A few months ago, this comment was written by a follower on a Teacher Tom post I had shared. It exemplifies three of the most common misconceptions of what it means to be CHILD-LED:

"Children need guidance in learning appropriate behavior, their brains are not capable of making good choices because they haven't had the experiences to learn from. If you let every child in a classroom choose to do whatever they want when they want you are asking for chaos and a very loud and uncomfortable environment.Children need structure and guidance. I have worked with children for over 35 years and if you take the time to connect with them and show them the right behavior by example it really helps them to see how their behavior effects others and their environment for the better or worse."

That comment is saying that a child-led program means the children are allowed to do whatever they want.

It is saying there are no boundaries and therefore the environment is uncomfortable.

It is saying there is no guidance from an adult and no opportunities for children to learn jow their behavior affects other children.

It is saying there is no structure in a child-led program.

TRUTH:

The above myths could not possibly be further away from what a TRULY child-led program looks like.

At the core of a child-led program is RELATIONSHIPS. Through RELATIONSHIPS, the adult gathers all of the information they need in order to meet each child's unique needs.

It is through RELATIONSHIPS that the adult is able to meet each child where they are based on that one child's unique LIFE EXPERIENCES, not simply age alone.

It is through RELATIONSHIPS that the adult learns how each unique child invites the adult into their play.

It is the RELATIONSHIPS at the core of a child-led program that BUSTS all four myths above.

****STEPPING IN ONLY WHEN INVITED does NOT mean CHAOS. It does NOT mean the adult doesn't coach and guide. It means they DO COACH AND GUIDE, when invited in! A child handling anger by moving to hit someone is an invitation in!! Children who have gotten too loud for the needs of another child is an invitation in. Invitations can be the glance of an eye, or an all out "COME AND SEE WHAT I DID!"

At the forefront of preparing an environment for a CHILD-LED program are the unique needs each child has. Sensory needs and play schema needs are needs EVERY SINGLE CHILD HAS, and are at the forefront of the environment. A child-led environment has to ABSOLUTELY be comfortable for every single child. Children cannot be their best selves when their needs are not met, which is WHY relationships and meeting needs are first and foremost.

"Structure Myth" BUSTED:

There IS structure in a child-led program. THERE HAS TO BE STRUCTURE:

The problem is, structure gets mistaken for "controlling children"

HARD TRUTH: The STRUCTURE of an early childhood program SHOULD NOT BE "what to do, how to do it, who to do it with and how long to do it" that is called CONTROLLING CHILDREN, but it is, sadly, what many educators believe is "structure".

The structure is the things a child can count on or TRUST will always happen. They can count on arriving, they can count on this being a time for THEIR ideas, they can count on being respected , they can count on the fact that I will keep them safe. They TRUST I am there for them. They trust their needs will be met. They TRUST they will eat if they are hungry. They TRUST they will go home. THAT is structure. A child-led program absolutely MUST have structure so children are able to be their best self.

Structure is all the things a child does not need to worry about, so they can focus on controlling their play, their ideas, and being their best self.

Now that Ive cleared that up. When children are empowered in a truly STRUCTURED environment, they CAN be in control of what to do, how to do, how long to do it, who to do it with. This is the part that is very hard for people who have never fostered a TRULY child-led program to wrap their brains around.

Once those three things are established (relationships, needs met and structured environment) children WILL begin to be EMPOWERED with "I CAN!!!" confidence.

I find that when I have successfully established the above (relationships, needs met and empower children) the behaviors the MYTHS nay-sayers are concerned with simply do NOT happen.

Children are far more capable than most adults realize, ESPECIALLY when trusting relationships are fostered, needs are met AND children are empowered with "I CAN" confidence.

Capable children in a structured environment dont need to act out in order to gain control because they ARE in control of themselves.

Children whose needs are met do not need to request their needs be met through their behavior. MOST challenging behaviors are the result of needs not met.

As for "children cant make good decisions"....they certainly CAN make good decisions, and the more they are allowed to make decisions, especially those concerning THEIR AUTONOMY, the more good decisions they can make.
It is when an adult makes all the decisions for a child that the child becomes delayed in their own autonomy.

It's time to stop saying, "you get what you get and you don't get upset".

FAVORITES matter.
RESPECT matters.
VALIDATION matters.

WORDS matter.

"I know blue is your favorite color, but I am all out of blue cups today. Tomorrow, I will remember to get the blue cup for you. In fact!!! I will write it down so I don't forget." fosters relationships and empowers a child.

Let's be honest: "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" is an as***le (or jerk, you choose) comment that disregards favorites, disrespects the child and harms relationships.

Helpful tools for clean up time

Clean Up Time Without Bossing the Kids Around In a comment on yesterday's post about my course The Technology of Speaking With Children So They Can Think , a reader asked...

Great tools for helping children regulate before they are dysregulated

If you try to teach a child to use self-regulation strategies when they’re already at 100% frustrated and overwhelmed — they cannot learn it. Nobody can. Adults can’t tap into self-regulation when they’re at 100% either.

But adults put *tons* of their focus on what a child should do when they’re already mad, and comparatively little focus on what children should do throughout the day to stay regulated and feeling good.

An easy tip is to figure out what comes naturally when already mad, and use it preemptively in a different form. Here’s what I mean.

If your child (or you) yells and screams naturally when they’re mad, instead, preemptively throughout the day, play some loud music and joyfully shout the lyrics along, or play a loud talking/quiet talking game.

If they slam doors or throw things naturally when they’re mad, instead, preemptively throughout the day, throw a stress ball against the wall and catch it, or throw pillows onto the couch.

If they run away naturally when they’re mad, instead, preemptively, play chase games or run to a targeted area and run back or time them.

Do them at 10%, 30%, 50%, and you may not hit 100%.

[Image description: A picture of me, a person with fluffy blue-and-purple hair wearing a big teal coat, shouting delightedly along with a Barns Courtney song in my car, with my fist clenched enthusiastically.

Next to the picture of me is a big teal square with words on it: “Use sensory strategies to self-regulate when you’re not already frustrated (like by shouting song lyrics in a car) to bring your body to a state where it doesn’t get frustrated and reach for emergency strategies (like shouting at your kids).”

Also, this photo was taken posed while my car was fully parked in my driveway, so don’t be concerned about me taking selfies while driving. :)

End description.]

All of this!

Have a look, she's also did a post for older children. Reframes are so important in our line of work ❤️

Children love to be understood. They also need to know that their discipline “teachers” are calm, unruffled and understanding, not thrown or upset by their behavior. And that is the way that I have come to understand challenging behavior. It is not intentionally bad, mean or a way to upset parents. It is a request for help.

And our perceptions matter a great deal! Because we always respond to behavior OUT of our perceptions and expectations. This is why I finally created a course that shares an in-depth, holistic understanding of our children’s developmental needs and capabilities while also demonstrating a whole host of practical responses to behaviors! You can check it all out at NoBadKidsCourse.com: http://nobadkidscourse.com 🧡🧡🧡

I commonly hear things similar to this: "Denita, I have a hard time providing messy-ish materials because it ends up all over the room"

My reply is usually something like this:

Meet children where they are.

1) I believe in establishing boundaries IF needed.
That means I do not bombard children with a bunch of don'ts prior to exploring something new. I was the sort of child where too many "NO"s did nothing but give me ideas. 😏. Too many "NO"s made me feel untrustworthy and brought out my defiant side.
Therefore, I choose to assume the best and see children as capable.
On the rare event a child does something that needs addressing and a boundary formally established, I address it in the moment, and ALWAYS with the "WHY".
RARELY do children take the messy around the room here.

WHY? Because:

2) I meet children where they are. Children SHOULD be curious, they SHOULD wonder, they SHOULD desire to test theories....

What does that mean? It means the possibilities in our environment that are not messy are free to travel all about the space so children CAN wonder, CAN test theories etc.

I trust the children and I trust my ability to be in-the-moment to catch the rare moment something simply cant get into the messy. I then explain WHY.

I believe it is those two things that make this a non-issue.

As we take a look back on our year of interoception learning, we wanted to bring back one of our most popular posts from the month of January, and perhaps the year!

Co-Regulation is NOT ‘coddling’. Co-regulation is NOT ‘reinforcing an undesirable behavior’. Co-regulation is offering empathetic kindness to another human being. So the next time your child, your student, or your client is having a difficult moment, know that when you offer co-regulation in a way that is meaningful to them, you are teaching them that they are deserving of empathy and kindness.

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