Softselfishlife

Yes please.

Real talk, or no talk at all, in 2023!

I’m in the void.
More quiet than usual
More isolated than I want to
More detached
Less engaged

It’s not easy.
It’s messy and confusing at times.
I’ve been there one million times before ( anyways that’s what it feels like) but this time it’s different.

Different because instead of fighting it , I’m just letting it be.

I’m not rebelling ( I’m not sure I would have enough energy either) .
I’m not making a tantrum ( oh gosh The 8 year old girl in me wants to ).

I’m not blaming GOD ( I’ve let him be my comfort ).

I’m just here, trying to consent to what’s happening or not happening.

Consent to life and imagining that IT knows better than I do.

Understanding how to hold space for this moment has replaced the obsession to ask why ME.

Holding space for what is and be content anyways.

So I’m here in my own bubble, cocooning like the chrysalide waiting to become the butterfly.

Honoring the void !

Hello Fam. It’s been a while since I have introduced myself and so many new connections here.

I’m Vanessa (mom of one) , a self-care coach for women who are tired of being someone they are not and feeling like their life is owned by everyone else except them ( AKA people-pleasing tendencies).

Here, you’ll learn tips on self-care, setting boundaries and living Unrestrained which is all about living a life that is centered around your wisdom, knowledge and strengths.

I’ve recently moved to Montreal , Canada to be with my husband. Before that I was living in Haiti (bringing a bit of Soleil ☀️ to your winter days).

When I’m not holding space for my clients, I spend my days cooking ( looove food) , reading (psychology, philosophy, self-help ) or doing something fun with my family.

Now tell me about you in the comments below, what do you do and what’s your favorite pop-culture pleasure ?

Mine is the Bachelor ( a bit petty I know).

The gems you find on your walks .

There’s space for all of the emotions.
Right now I’m under deep hurt and disappointment And I’m also taking a step back to savor the little joys that I have access to.

How are you taking care of your rage /anger ?

I know a lot of you are feeling angry inside. Some of you are aware . Some not so much. That was me before my morning run today .

At the 30 minutes mark I felt this spur of energy rising up from my belly to my face, spreading all around my brain. And I had this inclination to voice it out : I want to punch someone. Whew !

It was intense.

I was shocked because I didn’t realize how angry I was. I’ve been trying to bypass it by calling love and light. I didn’t want to feel angry and be labeled too emotional.

So when I got back home, I punched my pillows and yelled. And now working around what I’m angry about.

There’s this idea that if we feel our emotions too much they can destroy us or become uncontrollable. So we play this game of denial and suppression, which grows the emotion out of proportion. And this is really when it becomes uncontrollable.

Feel what you have to feel (responsibly ) so you can understand the need that it brings, move your body to release it and deal with the problem in whatever way you can.

The best form of self-love you can offer yourself is to focus on the woman you are today.

Mistakes and failures are not punishment, do not punish who you are today for the person you were you yesterday.

You are allowed to move forward.

When clients come to they always ask how do I start taking better care of myself ? What’s the first step to self-care ?

And my answer is always start with the practical stuff.

Double down on basic self-care : like eating, breathing, hydrating, sleeping and resting, moving and touch .

Because the other emotional and mental needs that require deep self-care can be harder to address when your basic needs aren’t cared for regularly.

It’s no different than building a house : you get the foundation up first then the top.

Now of course, it’s not a linear thing ... your others needs don’t suddenly go away. But by learning to re nurture yourself in its simplest form, you are becoming more skilled at caring for the other parts of your life.

And this is even more true when you are in the midst of a crisis, an emergency, a pandemic ... what you are left with is the basics.

Do you need help with this ? DM

Your Presence is Enough .

When you can embrace that truth, a lot of your hearth aches will stopped.

You’ll lose the need to prove that you are worthy , to please so they can accept and love you; to over work, over give to finally feel that you belong .

It’ll be clear that what makes you you is undeniably precious and you can just exist and be , like everything else in nature. Trees are just being trees.

And you don’t have to buy into what these oppressive systems ( capitalism, white supremacy, patriarchy) are chanting every-single day because there’s a powerful quality that human beings were gifted with : The power of choice.

You don’t have control over what these systems stand for or what other people around you decide to believe but you have the power to choose what you’re going to believe, what you’re going to nurture.

You can choose the values and principles on which your life is built.

You presence is enough !

Tell me in the comments or dm me What would you do differently if you wholeheartedly believe that your presence is enough ?