End Self-Sabotage

End Self-Sabotage

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10/13/2024

THANKS FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE: A THANKSGIVING STORY (or "LESSONS IN GRATITUDE TAUGHT BY A HOCKEY PUCK")

Has anyone ever told you that what you want to do is impossible? Yeah, me too.

It happened when I became a full-time dad. It happened when I took a leap into coaching. And it happened when I did the “impossible” in a sport I’d never played.

⚠️Spoiler alert: Men can be amazing full-time parents. New solo ventures can not only survive but thrive. And sometimes, the impossible is, in fact, possible.⚠️

Reflecting on this (Canadian) Thanksgiving, I realize my success in all these situations came down to a few core values—the kind that stick with you when everything else gets uncertain. Abandoning my daughter? Not even on the table. Giving up on my dream profession? Laughable. Staying true to my heart, even in the face of doubt? Absolutely.

And that’s where this hockey story comes in—a little lesson from the most unlikely of places, about believing in something more than “possible” or “impossible.” It’s about believing in yourself, and in the value of the people by your side.

Growing up in France, hockey wasn’t really a thing for me. But that changed on my 19th birthday, thanks to two cousins who insisted it was high time I learned. So, there I was in Callander, Ontario, celebrating by learning how to shoot a slapshot from their hockey-fluent buddy, Billy.

Billy’s approach was… thorough. He handed me a stick and said, “This is a stick.” Then, pointing to the goal, he said, “That's the goal.” When he gave me the puck and named it too, I started to wonder if he thought I was a bit slow. I mean, I might’ve been new to hockey, but what self-respecting 19-year-old Canadian is clueless about what a puck is?

Next, Billy pointed to the goal and confided, “If you get the puck in the goal, you score a point.” This was the moment when something inside me snapped...

“Oh, really?” I quipped. “And what if only half the puck goes in? Do I get half a point?”

With a solemn face, Billy responded, “You don’t have to worry about that. It never happens.”

“Never?” I asked, feeling a surge of “Oh, we’ll see about that.”

“Impossible,” Billy promised. “Go ahead, take your shot.”

So, for the first—and only—time in my life, I placed a puck on ice, took a swing, and watched that puck hit the goal frame and split in half; one half flying directly into the net.

Was it a fluke? Probably. Destiny? Unlikely. But here’s what I do know: If Billy had laughed at my joke or encouraged me to go for half a goal, chances are much greater that puck would still be in one piece today.

This Thanksgiving weekend, I’m thinking about moments like that—the times when someone challenged me, pushed me, or just stood beside me, whether they were a soon-to-be hockey hero*, my cousins, a friend, or my daughter. I think about the power of those connections, and how, even in the smallest - and sometimes unlikeliest - ways, we can lift each other to do the “impossible.”

Thanksgiving is a time to share our gratitude for those around us—for the strangers, friends, and family who encourage us, who challenge us, and who make the journey worthwhile. Success isn’t a solitary sprint; it’s a shared adventure, a story that we write together, one half-point at a time.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. May your “impossible” become possible, and may you always have people by your side who - in their own unique fashion - bring out the best in you.

* Four months after my slap-shot “lesson,” Billy was drafted by the Philadelphia Flyers. In the next four years, he won back-to-back Stanley Cups and the Canada Cup before nabbing the Jack Adams Trophy as Coach of the Year after the 2000-01 season. You may know him as Bill Barber… And for the diehard skeptics: If you doubt a puck really can split in two, check the photo above... it's my ½-point winner.

Up for more? https://endself-sabotage.com/p/the-success-paradox

09/29/2024

I hope you’re doing well and had an amazing summer. Mine? Well, you know how one supposedly insignificant little quirk can end up stealing the spotlight when you least expect it? That’s been my last few months…

It began just north of the Gatineau Hills, where I spent July on a beautiful lake surrounded by a string of lovely cottages - except for one (check out the photo below).

Passing it the first time, I wondered, “How could a once-delightful haven decay into a now-derelict hazard verging on collapse?” After speed-catastrophizing a whack of increasingly dire scenarios worthy of "Peaky Blinders" meets “Black Mirror," I paused to consider a much simpler and more practical question…

“What,” I asked myself, ”had been missing?”

Maintenance. Consistency. Attention. Appreciation. Taking care of what’s there…

Challenges like these can come up for us all. One of my biggest personal bugaboos along these lines has been my inconsistency with staying in touch. Don’t ask how many mailouts, blogs, newsletters… you name it… I’ve started and restarted only to eventually leave to languish and flatline.

Fortunately, these lapses have been free of “Peaky Blinders" meets “Black Mirror" backstories and “collapsed cottage” outcomes. Still, they’ve inflicted far more than their fair share of costs.
I owe a debt of gratitude to that collapsing cottage; how it so vividly illustrates the importance of maintaining what matters… staying consistent with intentions… practicing attention and expressing appreciation through appropriate action. On a very practical (and immediate) level, it inspired me to explore the possibilities of producing a sustainable newsletter - and get this first issue out to you :).

The collapsing cottage also prompted me to take a hard look at how deteriorating spaces can so easily intrude on other parts of our lives - and our state of mind. How it provokes distraction, compromises intentions, and sends stress levels through the roof.

All too often, we can take obstacles like these as givens… hapless realities for us to suck up and get over. But it need not be so. If you’re curious as to where my collapsing cottage reflections eventually lead, well... https://endself-sabotage.com/p/tame-space-tame-mind

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