Imperfectly Me Coaching

Learn to unlearn. It's not always about learning from the mistakes we make, but sometimes unlearning what led us to make those mistakes in the first place is what needs to be focused on. - Hope Abdul Ghani

No matter what you did in the past, there was a reason behind it. Maybe you had the best intention behind it. Maybe you may have felt there was no other choice. Maybe you did it because you needed to survive what was going on. Maybe it was exactly what needed to happen to get you to where you are now. Maybe you felt like it was all you deserved.

Either way, the path that you were on can be changed at any time. You can be so much more. You can become better one day at a time. You can do hard things. Deciding that you are worth the work is always an option. Do not continue down the wrong path simply because you spent too much time walking it.

Your brain will try to protect you today from something that hurt you in the past.

Makes sense right? You do not want to be hurt by the same thing twice...

However, when things happen your brain twists what is going on today to make it fit the past wrong. It can create false narratives to make you believe it is the same as before. Makes you say here we go again!

More often it's just the crazy train of thought running down the track. If we can apply a bit of emotional intelligence to slow down those thoughts we can see through and ask the question "what am I feeling right now, when I was first hurt like this, and is this related to what is going on today or just a trumped up charge feeling like it might repeat?

Sometimes the advice you give other people is the advice you need to follow.

Hold up. I know this one stings. The unconscious mind can relay the advice so easily because it is begging you to follow it. It is what you need. So easy to offer, so hard to follow.

When I discuss journaling with others I ask them to record themselves to journal or talk about something. Then I tell them to play it back and listen as though a good friend is talking to them. The words of encouragement or advice on how to grow through it is a great way to have compassion and understand what you need to move beyond the pain. It may also give you the perspective of how victim centered your thoughts may be.

What's the advice you are looking for?

Stop judging younger you actions with today you perspective.
You made those decisions based on the knowledge and emotional capacity you had at that time. The past is unchangeable. Beating yourself up because you now feel you should have done something differently only adds fuel to the feeling of unworthiness, of unjust, of being unlovable. You know more now. Know how to handle more. You are stronger now. Able to control yourself better. You have more standards and self love.
To punish or be discussed by that is equivalent to looking down on a baby because it cannot talk, walk or fend for itself. It takes time and experience to learn what you know now. And sometimes it takes going through s**t to know that you deserve so much more.
Be kind!

Each one of us shows up in our own wounded way. We hear what we want to hear through our belief in that relationship. We see in a way that proves our thinking correct. We defend ourselves against the words that we interpret. Everything we do in a relationship will reflect our own level of healing. This goes for relationships with partners, children, parents, friends, coworkers, and even strangers.

Now do not get me wrong, there may be wrong doings by the other party, however it is the pain in the story that we tell ourselves that makes the relationship not work, or makes us continue to relive the pain, day after day. We look for the love, validation, respect, apology, or appreciation that we are not showing ourselves. We take no accountability for the role we play in that suffering.

Sure, talking about what hurts us, the words or actions, or pointing out what someone has done wrong, feels like healing, yet if we are not being very clear on what we need to change, setting a clear boundary or allowing that vulnerability to be seen, then all we are doing is adding to the problem.

When we take the time to do healing, we can see relationships through a different lens, we begin to hear their wounds rather than our own, and we can take on a new approach to creating a different outcome.

It is a reason, not an excuse.

This.... I have been busy, yes a reason, not an excuse for abandoning my work as a coach, my passion for this work and my followers here.

We often find a reason, a label and then we make it the excuse we need to justify it in our minds. I am having a s**tty day that's why I was rude. Nope, my s**tty day is a reason for a bad mood, not an excuse to be a s**tty person. I have ADHD so I cannot focus, nah I just blame that. I am going through a lot right now, yes but that's the best time to show others how to push on. X, y, and z happened in the past so that means this is the way I am, sure and nothing says I cannot still change my outcome.

Let's look at the reason, and say because of this reason I will try harder to be different.

Stop waiting to feel ready. Ready is not a feelin. It's a decision.

Ouch! That may trigger some. And yet, it is so true!
There are certain things that you will never feel ready for, and that is because a part of you doesn't want it. The mind will make you believe there is a reason...

If you really want something bad enough, you will do it anyway. You will do it scared, do it unprepared, do it despite, do it wrong, do it imperfectly, just do it.

If you had no one attached to you, who would you be?

This question is usually a hard one to answer. Who am I? To answer: I am Carrie, a mother, a step mother, an angel baby mama, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a coach, a business owner, a friend.

But if I was to answer without sounding like a Game of Thrones character who would I be? To remove the titles that I have gained over the years what is left? There was once a time when I could not answer this without those titles. The things I love or even liked about myself were hard to admit to. Yet this self love is a necessity in my journey.

I can now answer that I am loving, confident, helpful, worthy, funny, beautiful, intelligent, weird, unique.

How about you? Can you answer this question without listing off titles?

The only cure for grief, is to grieve.

Grief is a weird and strange thing. Often when we think of grief, we think that we need to have lost what we had. While that is true, that is not the entirety of it.

We grieve when someone passes on. We grieve when someone leaves. We can grieve what might have been. We can grieve for what we wished we had, or what we didn't get. We grieve because there is something we loved, needed, or wanted.

And then there is grieving for what we know is enviable. And then the grief that follows us, that sometimes sneaks up on us when we have no idea what the heck is going on.

I sit in a hospital writing this because there have been days of processing and feeling my way out. There is a whole pile of new but also lots of old grief that has come up as I sit with unknown circumstances. It also comes with a lot of being strong and being there for many people around me as we figure out where we go from here.

The important thing is to let yourself feel these most uncomfortable moments at some point so that they do not become unbearable.

There are some really good one liners here, a lot of good advice, for all people.

Daily challenge: Name 3 things you are grateful for, out loud, and then ask someone you know to name 3 things they are grateful for.

It's easy to get into the bad habit of grumbling about life. The more you speak out to the things you are grateful for, the more you begin to notice there is a lot to be thankful for. When you say the words, allow yourself to fill with a feeling that embodies the appreciation.

I challenge you to do this in the morning and before bed for a week straight. Also share this with a friend or loved one. Sometimes these small gestures become great changes.