08/21/2026
BACK-TO-SCHOOL ANXIETY IS REAL🥹
The stomachache the night before school.
The tears at bedtime.
The sudden headache in the morning.
The “I don’t want to go.”
The irritability, meltdowns, silence, or constant questions.
Sometimes anxiety doesn’t look like anxiety.
For kids, going back to school can mean a new teacher, new classmates, harder work, crowded hallways, changing schedules, social pressure, separation from parents, fear of failure, or simply a whole lot of unknowns all at once.
And when their brain senses uncertainty, it may respond like there’s danger, even when we know they’re safe.
So what can you do?
1. Validate before you reassure.
Instead of immediately saying, “There’s nothing to worry about,” try:
“I can tell this feels really big right now. We’ll figure it out together.”
Kids usually need to feel heard before they can hear us.
2. Make the unknown more predictable.
Anxiety loves uncertainty. Drive by the school. Look at pictures. Walk the schedule. Practice the morning routine. Talk through lunch, dismissal, the bus, or pickup.
Every little piece of “I know what happens next” can help.
3. Give them control over the small stuff.
Let them choose their outfit, breakfast, lunch item, or after-school snack.
They can’t control everything about school, but having some control can make a big difference.
4. Calm the body before trying to reason with the brain.
Slow breathing. Movement. A cold drink. Music. A shower. A walk. A hug. Quiet time.
When the body feels safer, the thinking brain has a much better chance of coming back online.
5. Ask a better question.
Instead of: “Are you nervous about school?”
Try:
“What part of tomorrow feels hardest?”
“What would make it feel 10% easier?”
“Who at school helps you feel safe?”
Then listen.
6. Don’t accidentally teach avoidance.
Our instinct is to remove whatever makes our child anxious. But when appropriate and safe, gently helping them move through anxiety teaches something incredibly important:
“I can feel uncomfortable AND still do hard things.”
That’s how confidence grows.
7. Give them one simple mission.
Not: “Have a great first day!”
Try:
“Your only job tomorrow is to get through the door. Then find one person you know. After that, just take it one part of the day at a time.”
Big days become manageable when we make them smaller.
And parents—remember this:
The goal isn’t to eliminate every anxious feeling.
The goal is to help our kids discover that anxiety can show up…and they can handle it.
They can be nervous and brave.
Scared and capable.
Uncertain and still take the next step.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can say is:
“You don’t have to feel ready. You just have to take the next small step. And you won’t be taking it alone.”
— Dr. Bryan Pearlman
Therapist | Former Principal & Teacher