05/16/2023
A lot of things change in my life recently and Iāve had to reevaluate where Iām at. Iām starting to realize that I might be undiagnosed autistic however I am excellent at masking because lucky for me Iām pretty smart, oh thatās part of autism by the wayļæ¼, so when my son was born I loved him like hell. I still do but I always have this feeling that I should never have been a mom and itās hard. Every time he expects empathy or he does some thing and I try to explain to him what he did wrong. I am way too harsh and straight with himļæ¼. Even while arguing in my head with myself, and losing the argument, and then having to apologize to him for being so harsh. To the point that I started feeling that perhaps Iām a narcissist, however I will give you the shirt off my back if you need it. I might not be nice about it, but Iāll do it.
Now this young lady is talking about nonverbalism. See thatās where my masking comes in. Thatās where, when I speak in public or in a group of friends. I speak a mile a minute and I am loud and obtrusive and in your face and apparently thatās wrong, but in my head I donāt see why thatās wrong.
I had a conversation with somebody who where trying to explain to me how I behave in public, and all I could think of in my mind was; ābut the problems not meā. Because Iām not behaving disrespectfully. I donāt feel Iām being overpowering. Iām generally sharing information about interesting subjects, or I think so and thatās where Iām at. Undiagnosed autism? I thought it was ADHD.
I think Iāve got both but instead of ADHD is there something like attention deficit hyper functioning disorder ADHFānD š if you see it š¤£
