The Stress Experts

I’ve been struggling with getting clear and making decisions.

Whether it is a decision I have to make for my business or just deciding what to have for lunch, I dance back and forth and say, “I don’t know.”

Then I add more and more pressure to myself:

“Just choose already!! Do SOMETHING!”

But the more pressure I add, the more “I don’t know” I get—and the more frustrated I get with myself.

I used to think it was because I’m just not good at making decisions. It’s just who I am. And honestly, that has been a source of shame.

Then I started thinking maybe it’s because I actually just don’t know what I want.

That wasn’t exactly something I was proud of either.

But now I’m seeing something different.

Maybe I’m not struggling to get clear because I don’t know what I want. Maybe getting clear doesn’t feel safe to a part of me.

In other words, the indecision may actually be a form of protection.

I have a mentor EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques/Tapping) practitioner who helped me uncover this in myself. Her name is Carol Look, and she has a YouTube channel dedicated to exploring and tapping through the blocks that can get in the way of success.

Recently, I received an email from Carol introducing a new video in her tapping series, and it resonated with me immediately.

The idea was this:
Maybe I am not indecisive because I do not know what I want. I may be avoiding clarity because being clear could require action, bring more success, or upset someone.

That really made me stop and think.

Because what if clarity itself has started to feel like a threat?

If I know what I want, then I might have to do something about it.

I might have to make a change.

Someone might be disappointed.

I might have to step outside my comfort zone.

I might become more successful—or more visible—and that could bring its own discomfort.

So staying in the “I don't know” can actually feel safer.

And this is where something else really clicked for me:

Clarity doesn't require action.

I can know what I want without immediately doing anything about it.

I can let myself get clear first.

I can allow myself to notice what I actually want without immediately asking, “Okay, so what am I going to do about it?”

I can let that clarity settle.

And then, later, I can decide what—if anything—I want to do next.

That feels very different from the pressure I've been putting on myself.

Instead of:

“Just decide already! You have to figure this out and DO something!”

I can say:

“What if I could simply let myself know?”

Maybe I don't need to force a decision.

Maybe I don't need to solve everything today.

Maybe I can get curious about what happens inside me when I imagine being completely clear about what I want.

And if I notice fear, resistance, or discomfort, I can work with that—rather than continuing to criticize myself for being indecisive.

That is what Carol's video explores, and it's what I found so helpful.

If you find yourself going back and forth on decisions, repeatedly saying, “I don't know,” you might want to ask yourself a different question:

What if I do know—but being clear doesn't feel safe yet?

And then another:

What am I afraid clarity would require me to do?

You don't have to answer those questions perfectly.

You don't even have to act on the answer.

You can simply get curious.

And if you'd like to explore this with tapping, I highly recommend Carol's video:

Watch & Tap Along with: Afraid to Be Clear? A Hidden Block to Success
https://www.carollok.com/success/afraid-to-be-clear-hidden-block-to-success/

This is the ninth video in Carol's new Hidden Blocks to Success tapping series.

Sometimes the first step isn't making the decision.

Sometimes the first step is simply feeling safe enough to know what you want.

Here’s to calming stress at the source.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts

There’s something that many of my clients don’t understand before coming to see me.

They often believe that if they could just change their thinking, they would finally feel the way they want to feel. More confident. More calm. More motivated. More at peace.

While our thoughts certainly matter, what many people don't realize is that these internal experiences aren't created by thinking alone. They're deeply influenced by what's happening in the body—particularly the nervous system.

One of the questions I hear often is, "So what should I be telling myself?" It's a great question—but it's often the wrong place to start. Before our thoughts can change our experience, our nervous system often needs to feel safe enough to receive them.

Why does this matter?

Have you ever been afraid? Maybe of heights, of failure, of getting laughed at…or really of anything? Your mind might start racing, your breath may quicken, you may start sweating, trembling.

And in those moments, have you ever tried telling yourself that you aren’t afraid or “there’s nothing to be afraid of” or “don’t think of it”? You might even try telling yourself, “You’ve got this.” Does it work to clear your mind, settle your body and stop the sweating and trembling?

Chances are, no, it doesn’t.

You might be able to do or face the thing you’re afraid of, but what you tell yourself has very little impact on your actual internal experience.

The reason is that our thoughts aren't the only thing influencing how we feel. Our nervous system also plays a powerful role in determining which emotional states feel available to us.

Take confidence, for example. If you lack confidence and doubt yourself, you might believe that banishing those thoughts or trying to force yourself into a “confident mindset” is the solution to feeling confident.

But what’s actually happening isn’t simply a mindset problem—it is the nervous system giving you important information. Often, your nervous system has learned that confidence isn't entirely safe.

Maybe, for you, having confidence has been negatively associated with being overly arrogant or prideful, and those kinds of people weren't well received.

Maybe if you were confident you would have to take on more responsibility and you’re already feeling overloaded.

Maybe having confidence means needing to make hard decisions that you’ve been putting off.

Maybe having confidence means you’ll be noticed and that feels vulnerable.

When you zoom out, your lack of confidence may actually make perfect sense. It can be an intelligent strategy your nervous system developed to protect you.

If you want to feel confident, you need to help your nervous system recognize that it is safe enough to be in that state.

“Fixing your thinking” does little in the way of helping your nervous system recognize safety.

Helping your nervous system feel safe looks different. It isn't about forcing more positive thoughts. It's about creating experiences of safety through things like self-compassion, supportive relationships, regulated breathing, tapping, movement, and other practices that communicate safety to the body. As your nervous system begins to settle, confidence often follows naturally. You don't have to force it.

Whatever state you're longing for—more confidence, calm, peace, joy, self-worth, assertiveness, trust, vulnerability, or hope—your nervous system needs to experience those states as safe before they become more available. When you begin working with your nervous system—not against it—change becomes much less about forcing yourself and much more about creating the conditions for lasting change.

The goal isn't to find the perfect thing to tell yourself. It's to help your nervous system experience those states as safe enough to become available.

Here’s to calming stress at the source.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts

I recently shared my blog about recovery from stress or challenge in life - the need to switch your “stress” system (sympathetic system) off and turn on the “rest” system (parasympathetic system).

Here’s a short video to help you do that!

WARNING: Your Fight or Flight Response Has Been Running Too Long... ⚠️ WARNING: Your body has been in fight-or-flight for too long.Ch...

I recently realized that I had stopped following my own advice.

I have had a pretty busy year so far - expos, workshops, conferences, photography and editing for a friend’s wedding, with a nearly-full client load.

Since the beginning of the year, I have had my internal throttle set on high - “pedal to the metal” so to speak. I’ve been pushing myself to complete one task to make room for another, planning ahead, and trying to balance the load of several projects at once because their event dates were close together.

Every day for months, my first thought was, “What do I need to get done today?”
And my second thought was, “How can I squeeze that in between my scheduled clients?”

I felt constant internal pressure, not only from the deadlines, but from my own desire to do more than just a good job. I wanted everything to be exceptional. The pressure followed me into the evenings and weekends.

And then, quite suddenly, my schedule cleared up (other than still seeing my one-on-one clients).

But the internal pressure continued.

My thoughts shifted to, “What’s next? What’s going to move my business forward? What can I offer people? What can I make or do for them?”

Still push, push, push.

As I tried to answer these questions, I noticed a significant internal resistance to everything I came up with. I immediately assumed the resistance meant there was some deeper issue I needed to work through — perhaps fear of failure or limiting beliefs around growth. As it turned out, it was something much simpler.

Thankfully, I had my own one-on-one EFT/Tapping session scheduled with my practitioner that afternoon. In that session, I had the profound insight: my next step most aligned with my highest good is…(drum roll, please)…nothing.

That’s right. Nothing.

Stop. Exhale. Shake it off. Release the pressure. Rest. Reset the nervous system. Maybe even celebrate my successes so far. But don’t start anything new. Not right now.

I teach my clients that there is a healthy cycle to stress: stimulus, activation, recovery.

The stimulus is the trigger - in my case the projects and deadlines.

The activation is the nervous system mobilizing to meet the demand - in my case the pressure, hyper-focus, and narrowed attention to complete tasks.

The recovery is the downshift in the nervous system once the demand has passed. In my case, that downshift never happened.

You might recognize this in your own life.

Maybe you finally get home after a hectic day, but you can't relax.

Maybe you finish a major project only to immediately start worrying about the next one.

Maybe you sit down to watch TV, yet your mind is still making lists.

Or perhaps you feel guilty for resting because it seems like there's always something more productive you should be doing.

These can all be signs that your body hasn't completed the recovery part of the stress cycle.

Stress itself isn't the problem; getting trapped in activation is. Our nervous systems are designed to respond to demand and then recover. When recovery doesn't happen, the body continues acting as though the demand is still present, even when the deadline has passed.

Maybe your nervous system isn't asking you to do more.

Maybe it's asking you to pause for just long enough to complete the stress cycle.

Recovery isn't falling behind. It's part of moving forward.

Here’s to calming stress at the source.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts
thestressexperts.com

The world can feel heavy at times, there’s no doubt about that. Whether it's challenging news, concerns about the future, pressures at work, or responsibilities at home, many people find themselves carrying an increased emotional load.

We spend energy every day. We care for our families and friends, meet deadlines, solve problems, and try to keep up with the demands of life. While much of this is meaningful, it also draws on the very resource that many people forget to monitor - their own inner battery.

What is your inner battery?

Imagine inside of you is a battery. The more charge there is in your inner battery, the more in charge you are of how you think, how you feel, and how you act.

When your inner battery is charged, you are more able to:

-make wise decisions
-be patient and compassionate
-think and communicate clearly
-feel energized
-stay composed when handling challenges

But when it’s low, you may:

-think less clearly
-become irritable
-make more mistakes
-feel exhausted
-not feel like yourself
-feel overwhelmed by normal tasks

Many people judge themselves for these things, but they are not character flaws; they are signs of your resources running low and indicate your need to recharge.

When you notice these signs, self-care is less of a luxury and more of a necessity.

But isn’t self-care selfish?

A common objection to self-care that I hear from my clients is that self-care is selfish. But self-care doesn’t have to be at the expense of caring for others. In fact, caring for yourself makes you more able to care for others. That’s not selfish at all.

Caring for yourself isn’t only about vacations and spa days; it’s about caring for your inner battery. Self-care is about protecting your energy, using it wisely, and replenishing it regularly.

Maintaining your capacity is one of your most important responsibilities.

Now, you might be wondering, “But with all the pressures, tasks, and responsibilities, where is the time for self-care?”

Think small.

Here are 3 practical ways you can engage in self-care by addressing your inner battery:

1 - Spot Check. Pause and notice your current emotional state. Awareness helps you identify energy drains before they become bigger problems.

2- Hand on chest. One intentional breath. Place a hand on your chest and take one slow, intentional breath. This helps shift your attention from your thoughts to your body and can interrupt stress in the moment.

3- Notice your feet on the floor. Bring your awareness to your feet making contact with the floor. This simple act helps anchor you in the present moment and can calm an activated nervous system.

These 3 simple, self-care tools create powerful shifts in the nervous system. Repeated use of these tools accumulates big energy savings in your inner battery.

The goal is not to eliminate stress or stop caring about the challenges around you. The goal is to pay attention to your inner battery and replenish it before it becomes depleted.

Small moments of self-care may seem insignificant, but over time they help build the energy, resilience, and capacity needed to continue showing up for the things and people who matter most to you.

Reflection:
What is one small thing you can do today to protect your inner battery?

Here’s to calming stress at the source.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts
thestressexperts.com

Another great day at the Manitoba Fire Chiefs Association Conference in Steinbach.

The simplicity of my booth is intentional. In a world full of noise, stimulation, and constant demands, I’m talking about something different: helping people understand how to switch gears in their nervous system.

I’ve had the opportunity to connect with some incredible leaders who genuinely care about the well-being of their members and are working to change how mental health is viewed in the fire service.

Those conversations give me a lot of hope.

I am subscribed to receive emails from HeartMind Institute, a transformational education platform dedicated to helping individuals step into their fullest, most heart-centered expression of life. They offer virtual summits, online courses, and a supportive community.

One email I received has stayed with me. Not because it offered a new technique or strategy, but because it highlighted the sheer volume of what modern humans are being asked to carry every day.

As I read it, I found myself thinking, "No wonder so many people feel overwhelmed."

I want to share it with you because I think it helps explain why you may be feeling exhausted, overloaded, reactive, or like you're barely keeping up. Sometimes understanding the load we're carrying can be just as important as learning how to carry it.

Here it is:

Let's take an honest look at the world your nervous system is trying to navigate right now.

In the last 24 hours alone, you've likely processed more information than your ancestors encountered in an entire year.

The numbers are staggering: The average person touches their phone 2,617 times daily and consumes the equivalent of 174 newspapers worth of information, a five-fold increase since 1986.

Meanwhile, the content of that information continues to intensify.

Wars live-streaming into your pocket while you eat breakfast. Climate scientists are now using the word grief in their research papers. Economic uncertainty as background frequency. Political polarization at levels not seen in generations. Social media algorithms designed to trigger your threat-detection system.

And we are the loneliest population in recorded human history. The Surgeon General formally declared loneliness a public health epidemic in 2023. Less time in nature. Less uninterrupted presence with family. Less genuine rest between demands.

And underneath it all: a profound uncertainty about who and what to trust.

If you feel chronically exhausted, reactive, or like you're barely keeping your head above water, at HeartMind we want you to know:

Your nervous system isn't broken. It's having a perfectly healthy response to an unreasonable world.

For hundreds of thousands of years, human nervous systems evolved in conditions of radical simplicity:

-Small tribal groups with deep, consistent connections
-Acute, resolvable threats followed by genuine recovery
-Natural light/dark cycles that regulate cortisol
-Regular immersion in nature that automatically restored balance

What your nervous system was never designed for:

-Chronic, unresolvable threat cues arriving 24/7 with no clear resolution
-Electromagnetic and sensory overstimulations keeping your brain in constant low-grade alertness
-The collapse of natural rhythms and artificial light disrupting the sleep architecture your body needs to process stress
-Decision fatigue at an unprecedented scale, approximately 35,000 choices daily compared to a few hundred in pre-industrial life

The physiological cost is real:

Cortisol, your stress hormone, was designed to spike briefly during danger, then return to baseline as the threat resolved. But when threat cues are chronic and unresolvable, cortisol stops spiking and simply stays elevated.

Chronically elevated cortisol suppresses immune function, disrupts sleep, impairs memory, accelerates cellular aging, and gradually erodes the very neural structures responsible for emotional regulation.

The world's chronic stress is literally reshaping your brain and body.

You're not struggling because you lack resilience.

You're struggling because the load is genuinely, objectively unreasonable.

(And I’ll add a few more lines…) Imagine carrying a 50-pound backpack. With enough strength and endurance, most people can carry it for a while.

Now imagine carrying a 500-pound backpack.

At some point, the issue isn't your resilience. The load itself has become too much for any human being to carry.

Many of us are trying to navigate modern life with the equivalent of a 500-pound backpack: constant information, endless decisions, chronic uncertainty, and little time for genuine recovery.

If you're struggling, that doesn't mean you're weak.

It may simply mean you're trying to carry more than your nervous system was designed to carry alone.

The solution isn't to become tougher and tougher until nothing affects you. The solution is to build your capacity to recover, reduce unnecessary load where you can, and recognize when your nervous system is asking for support.

The world may not become less demanding anytime soon.

But you can learn to work with your nervous system instead of fighting against it.

And that starts with letting go of the idea that struggling is a sign of failure.

Here’s to calming stress at the source.

PS. Quick update of what I’m up to… Last weekend, I flew to Reston, Virginia to attend the annual Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology conference. This week, I am in Steinbach at a booth in the Manitoba Association of Fire Chiefs conference. I keep learning and sharing. :)

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts

“…But I had a good childhood.”

That’s what I hear many of my clients say.

I had a good childhood, too, and yet…

My parents did the best they could AND my needs weren’t met. Both can be true at the same time.

I am number 8 in a family of 9 children, with parents who have been married for 54 years this year. My parents loved (and still love!) me. I know that.

Our parents provided for us. Dad worked hard as a farmer, entrepreneur, farm-product salesman his whole life. Mom worked hard at caring for all of us, the large yard and large garden, while also working in the chicken barn, gathering, grading, and delivering eggs…and somehow found time to make full, nutritious meals to feed all of us daily.

We had a roof over our heads and a warm place to sleep. Our house was small for that many people; space was a luxury. We all shared rooms - except my one brother, the oldest, who got his own. Lucky guy! We had 1 small cubicle shower, which was an organizational miracle that we’d all have homework done and the chicken barn smell off of us by bedtime each night.

We did things together. Meals were crowded with everyone sitting in their “spot” around the dining room table. Dishes, yard work, barn work…any work was done together. As soon as you were old enough to hold a broom, you were sweeping. Everyone had their jobs. If someone couldn’t do their job for whatever reason, the others would cover.

What we did mattered. School was important. We were pushed to excel, achieve, accomplish. And thanks to our parents and our hard work, we did.

Yes, I had a good childhood. I know I was loved. I belonged. I succeeded.

…and yet I didn’t always feel it.

Dad was often out of the house and I don’t remember him ever tucking me in at night, let alone be around when I went to bed. Although he was always in for meals, except when he was on the field, he was often talking on the phone for business. Mom was understandably overloaded with daily child care, housekeeping, and chores, with very little time to spare on things ‘just for fun’.

It felt like there was always work to be done. It never stopped. As a little kid, I can remember playing barbies, hide and seek in the basement, and a type of dodgeball in a narrow hallway (which was more like try-to-move-out-of-the-way-of-this-tiny-rubber-ball-I-whip-at-you-in-complete-darkness game), but overall, there was this feeling of “there’s work to be done” and guilt for not doing it.

We may have all been sitting around a table but the conversation wasn’t always the healthiest. When I look back, I think my family built belonging through judgment of others. It seemed to be our way of finding similarities among ourselves and differences between us and ‘them’, fortifying the strength of our bonds.

But I think by being one of the younger ones, listening more than participating, I seemed to have gotten the subtle message of “be ‘this way’ or else you don’t belong with us.” I developed the sense that belonging was conditional - ‘this way’ became unspoken ‘rules’ for belonging. Have short hair. Be physically strong. Don’t live in town. Don’t chew gum like that. Don’t wear shorts, especially on a farm - they are not practical. You don’t need friends. Don’t have animals in the house. Don’t go away for holidays. Don’t take holidays, period.

I did my best in school, but I didn’t always feel it was enough. I’d come home with report cards of 94% - 99% across the board, reflecting my hard work. But, with the best of intentions from my parents, it was met with, “What’s wrong with 100%?”

Yes, I know my childhood was good AND it taught my nervous system a few things that don’t feel good: There’s no space for me. There’s no time for me. Belonging is conditional. My best is not enough. Resting is not okay.

The lessons my nervous system learned have shaped my behaviour: I stay small. I don’t ask for help. I change who I am to fit in. I push myself really hard. I don’t give myself a break.

My nervous system has learned that these behaviours are how I stay “safe”. Simply stopping these behaviours is not going to work because these behaviours were strategies for survival, and survival is the primary concern of the nervous system. Just “letting them go” isn’t possible. Safety trumps everything. Without helping my nervous system feel safe enough to change, it won’t.

The more I learn about the nervous system, the more I understand that it doesn’t respond only to whether we were loved. It responds to how safe we felt being ourselves.

You can have a good childhood AND still carry patterns of overwhelm, perfectionism, people-pleasing, overworking, self-criticism, or difficulty resting.

Not because something is “wrong” with you. But because your nervous system adapted to the environment it grew up in.

Maybe your nervous system learned:
-I have to work hard to be valued.
-I need to stay small to stay connected.
-I shouldn’t need too much.
-Rest is lazy.
-My feelings are too much.
-Belonging depends on performance.

These patterns often become automatic. They can look like personality traits, but many are actually protective strategies your nervous system learned long ago.

And that’s why change can feel so hard.

We can’t simply think our way out of nervous-system patterns that were built around survival and safety. Lasting change happens when the nervous system begins to feel safe enough to loosen those old protections.

This is one of the reasons I use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) in my work. EFT helps the nervous system process stored stress and emotional patterns gently, allowing beliefs and behaviours to shift without forcing or fighting ourselves.

It’s NOT about blame. It’s NOT about rewriting our childhood.

It’s about awareness: noticing what our nervous system learned, how those patterns continue to show up today, and recognizing that change is possible and safe.

If some of this resonates with you, you’re welcome to book a free discovery call to learn more about how EFT and nervous system work may help. thestressexperts.setmore.com

Here’s to calming stress at the source.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts
thestressexperts.com

In the last blog, I wrote about they ways we try to use thinking to work through our stress - positive thinking, talking yourself out of your feelings, over analyzing/over understanding, reframing, self-coaching, and looping thoughts.

But not everyone tries to control stress by thinking more.

Some people try doing more. At first glance, these behaviours may not look like a stress response, but underneath them is a nervous system trying to feel safe. They are strategies we use to try to “fix” stress.

These strategies are not wrong or bad - they work! They provide short-term relief, but they just don’t address the stress at the root. In other words, the stress will keep coming back because the nervous system doesn’t feel safe enough to settle and rest.

I have broken these behaviours/strategies into 3 main categories.

See if you use any of these strategies.

Pushing is what happens when stress is met with effort. It’s trying to force yourself to function, calm down, stay productive, be perfect, or “just get over it”. The body experience of pushing often feels like tension, bracing, effort, or forcing yourself forward.

Over-functioning
Doing more, staying busy, staying productive so you don’t feel stress.
White-knuckling
Holding it together on the outside while feeling tense inside.
Ignoring body signals
Pushing past exhaustion, tension, or overwhelm.

Coping strategies are behaviours that help take the edge off. Many are genuinely supportive and regulating. But when relief is the only strategy, the underlying stress response is never resolved. The body experience of coping feels soothing, numbing, or distracting.

Soothing activities
Bubble baths, hot showers, comfort food, curling up on the couch
Distraction
Scrolling, binge-watching, staying busy to not feel
Calming tools
Breathing apps, meditation apps, music, nature

Managing is an attempt to avoid triggering stress in the first place. The experience of managing feels like controlling and organizing life around stress.

Structuring life around stress
Avoiding certain situations, people, or conversations
Constant planning and control
“If I stay organized enough, I’ll be okay.”
Lowering expectations
“This is just how I am - I have to manage it.”

Maybe you recognize yourself in one category more than another. Or maybe you move between all three depending on the situation.

If you recognize yourself in any of these strategies, that is completely okay! It is natural, normal, and expected. You aren’t wrong or broken!

Even if some of them might not seem it, these are all intelligent approaches to stress because the job of the nervous system is protection, not logic. The nervous system answers the question: “How do I keep us safe?”

And all of these approaches are attempts to answer that question - strategies for safety and protection.

Each one is the nervous system saying: “I’m trying to keep you okay.”

Pushing:
If I can override this and keep functioning, I won’t fall apart.
That’s protection through strength.

Coping:
If I can calm this down right now, I can get through the moment.
That’s protection through relief.

Managing:
If I organize my life to avoid triggers, I can stay safe long-term.
That’s protection through control.

Pushing, coping, and managing are all attempts to deal with stress after it’s already happening.

Nervous system work focuses on calming stress at the source - helping the body feel safe enough that it no longer has to stay in protection mode all the time.

If you’re tired of constantly trying to manage stress, nervous system-focused work may offer a different approach.

I offer free discovery calls to answer questions, talk through what you’re experiencing, and see whether EFT might be a good fit for you. thestressexperts.setmore.com

Here’s to calming stress at the source.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts