Ksenia Barton Coaching

Whether you are in a relationship or healing from one, here are my three things for Valentine's Day:

Read: Love Sense by Sue Johnson

The optimistic core of this book is simple and powerful: lasting love isn’t just for the lucky few. Secure, loving partnership is possible when both people learn to create emotional safety. Reaching instead of protecting, repairing instead of withdrawing, and turning toward each other when it matters most.
https://search.worldcat.org/title/879284943

Bookmark: Al Turtle’s Relationship Wisdom

Al Turtle teaches "vintage love”: a steady, deeply respectful partnership built on character, responsibility, and emotional maturity. Durable skills of truth and repair that still work when life gets messy.
https://www.alturtle.com

Drop: the expectations.

Valentine's day doesn't have to end in resentment, shutdown, and distance.

Instead:
→ ask for what you want
→ create what you want
→ let yourself feel sadness and hurt with self-compassion
https://www.alturtle.com/archives/969

Relationship skills never get old. 💘

🍂 happy autumn equinox 🍂

Reminder that weekly conversations can be life-changing and affordable.

Are you dealing with a difficult work or life situation? In just three months you could be feeling so much better about it.

I work with thoughtful men and women who are ready to do the outer and inner work to be more true to themselves.

You deserve the insight, support, and encouragement that makes the difference.

Let’s talk about what needs to shift this fall. It’s easy to book your complimentary consult.

Over here refusing to pick between rolling up my sleeves or savouring the last days of summer…

Happy Day-After-Labour-Day! My ancestors called this micro-season “old ladies’ summer” and I love that. 🌞🍃🏖️

It is never too late to be what you might have been.—George Eliot

We can’t change the past. And I’m not asking you to be happy about that. If looking at the past brings you pain and regret…there might be things to grieve there.

And also…the past doesn’t control the future.

Can you make room for a sense of possibility about future? While allowing sadness about the past?

In midlife we get to be intentional about bridging the past and the future.

♥️⚜️ Is this what you’re thinking? 👇🏻

😤 they should be more romantic
😤 they should be making stuff happen
😤 they should be truly interested in me
😤 they should be dealing with their “stuff”
😤 they should be more fun

Maybe your laundry list looks different.

So...what score do you give *yourself* on those things?

I remember being the resentful wife.

If only he’d do __________...it would change everything. And I could be who *I* want to be.

I didn’t realize that there’s a shortcut:

💡 I can go first and just be who I want to be.

Even when I don’t get what I want and need first.

What would it take for you to be the one who changes the dynamic in your relationship? This is what The Shift looks like:

▫️ follower → leader
▫️ pushing → inviting
▫️ waiting → taking action
▫️ passive → responsible
▫️ helpless → empowered
▫️ fantasy → reality
▫️ receiving → giving
▫️ consuming → producing
▫️ self-neglect → self-leadership
▫️ know-it-all → learning
▫️ critical → curious

If the time has come to tackle your (re)marriage “issues”...
👉🏻 head over to my website for a complimentary Insight Session.

🌞🍃 At age 56, I think I'm out of the Midlife Slump.

(As the curve suggests I should be.)

I definitely experienced a dip in my happiness in the years around 50.

I remember questioning everything.

But it’s obvious now—my circumstances weren’t the cause of feeling some discontent.

In many ways, it was the blessing that helped me pivot. And focus on actively creating a better experience in my life.

What about you? Does the curve resonate with what you're seeing in yourself and others?

PS: this is not a fake graph 😉 I prettied one up from the paper below 👇🏻

Here's good overview of the research:
Blanchflower DG, Graham CL. The Mid-Life Dip in Well-Being: a Critique. Soc Indic Res. 2022;161(1):287-344. doi: 10.1007/s11205-021-02773-w. Epub 2021 Oct 19. PMID: 34690403; PMCID: PMC8525618.

🌞🍃

♥️ If you need to be right…

you’re doing it wrong 😇.

Emotional symbiosis is when you have a limited capacity to be aware of, respect, appreciate, and comprehend the point of view of the other person.

It’s widespread, and even encouraged by media and society and society today.

How you communicate can be a 🚩red flag. Al Turtle calls these “Mastertalk”:

“Well, the truth is ….”

“You are wrong.”

“In reality, this is what happened.”

Election season is such a great time to see this in action 😳.

But…

“You can either be Right or in Relationship. Take your pick.” — Al Turtle

The flex is getting comfortable with this:

“All people disagree all the time at some level of detail.” — Al Turtle

🤨 Where are you right?

🤨 Where is your husband or wife doing it wrong?

I’m in the midst of communicating with my brother’s medical team ❤️‍🩹, my daughter graduating and associated hiccoughs, the joy of serving my 1:1 clients, preparing for an ill-timed vacation, figuring out diagnosis and surgery for a vision problem I’ve had for months, and ongoing medical administration for my parents who are in care

…and I feel like this is such a typical Generation X vibe right now.

I have my messy human times just like everyone.

But I don’t abandon myself.

I use my coaching tools on myself every day.

I give myself the same advice I give my clients (yes I am a coach who sometimes offers suggestions when they are welcome).

And I keep coming back to my word of the year over and over.

It’s the answer when my brain is screaming:

😩 “This can’t be happening!”

😫 “It wasn’t supposed to be this way”

😫 “I need to clone myself…stat”

My word is wabi-sabi (侘寂):

𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚜
𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚍
𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚜 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝

…𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚢 🪷

Wabi-sabi reminds me to

🍃 remember I am part of nature

💗 experience life from my heart

🌾 be nourished by simplicity

⚜️ appreciate time’s patina

🪞 know the enoughness of my life (and me)

🕯️ release the proliferating alternate realities of my everything-everywhere-all-at-once trash panda brain

Such an inspiring read:

📘Wabi Sabi: Japanese Wisdom for a Perfectly Imperfect Life by Beth Kempton

from the blurb:

“With roots in Zen and the Way of Tea, the timeless wisdom of wabi sabi is more relevant than ever for modern life, as we search for new ways to approach life’s challenges and seek meaning beyond materialism.”



Have you been leaning on your word of the year?

Don’t let your glorious summer plans get in the way of tailored and actionable 1:1 support.

Resolve those work, health, relationship, and parenting issues…at a leisurely pace. My sessions are always schedule-friendly.

Book your complimentary insight session at the link in the comments.

PS: men are always welcome in my practice 🙂