Coach Ayu Asi

Too tired for self care?

As parents we are already juggling work, home and even responsibilities towards our own parents, how do we even find the time and energy to take care of ourselves.

I hear you, I felt that way too before I started to be more disciplined in carving time out for self care.

Even this morning, the fact that the weather is hotter than usual, my walking buddy decided to desert me this morning, (no offense to my husband 😆) it’s so easy to just want to lay back down in bed.

But I know carving that 30-45 minutes can make so much difference to how I’m gonna feel the rest of the day and sometimes weeks.

Start small and be consistent. What will you start today/this week?

How are we presenting ourselves to our loved ones each day?

Recent personal experiences and encounters with friends reminded myself as well as to remind you the importance of our own health first.

The importance of us taking care of ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally first before we can be great parents/caregivers to our children.

Remember, we can’t be pouring from an empty cup, our kids feel our energy and we don’t want to keep sending out negative energy to them.

Take a break, call a friend if you need to and come back to our families fully present again. 💕

Picture below: Me and hubby starting our walks together again on Sunday mornings.

It is with great honour indeed to be awarded with this.

When I first received news of the nomination, that was already one shock for me but we all know we are the last person to normally acknowledge our own achievements and successes.

In fact when I was submitting the write up for the things I’ve done in 2023, I was amazed at myself because I thought 2023 was a very unproductive year where my work is concerned but the write up proved me otherwise.

Looking at the nominees then, I told myself it was a great honour enough to be nominated because truly the other women are already at a different level where serving others and achievements in their businesses are concerned.

2 months down the road, when I received the message that I am one of the winners, it took me a while before the message actually sunk in.

Thank you again to the organisers, .authors.nmore and the honorable panel of judges for the belief.

Going back to the polyclinic and getting my 19 year old daughter referred for the multiple conditions that she has, meant another round of medical appointments.

As much as she was discharged from the hospitals’ appointments a couple of years back, the more I understand the conditions, the more I learn to accept that, that it wasn’t the end of it all.

What changed was that being able to accept the situation and becoming a more centered person helps me manage myself better.

As a caregiver it is crucial in looking after ourselves physically and mentally. Our mental wellbeing can greatly affect our physical wellbeing, be it positively or negatively. It is even more critical in looking after people who are empaths. They are highly attuned to the energies and emotions of those around them, thus you don’t want them to be absorbing your negative energy.

This morning is the first follow up appointment. I took a long bus ride home after sending the youngest one to school and decided to have breakfast alone first. It helps in ensuring my physical and emotional needs are met before I manage my daughter’s when I send her for her appointment later.

A lesson about being present:

When my kids come to me to complain about a stomachache or some aches and pains here and there I would quickly prescribe a remedy, be it to massage some oil, or telling them to try sitting at the toilet bowl to try to purge or offering a plaster for a cut and such. 🩹 🤕

However there was this one afternoon when my 14 year old came home complaining of some aches and pains and naturally I told her to get this specific oil for that particular area she was complaining about. Instead of reaching out for the remedy I proposed, she has this to say to me as she lay down beside me on my bed, “Ibu, sometimes all I want is to be able to just lay down beside you.”

I was stumped by her request but I welcomed it. So there we lay quietly beside each other. I guess all she wanted that afternoon was the comfort of my presence. 💕

This is me at my shared workspace. It has to be a corner space considering how I get distracted very easily.

It’s quite tough to consistently come here nowadays considering that I may have meetings elsewhere on top of not having someone to help me fetch and/or send the youngest one all the time.

There are days though that I have to make the time because working from home can be very unproductive.

So like this morning, I made it a point to book 4 hours here in between the time my boy goes to school and the time he ends school as I have an upcoming proposal dateline and have been struggling to complete it at home.

Very thankful for such shared comfortable and conducive workspaces.

Monday afternoon was a moment of reflection for me as a parent. When my younger boy sensed my sadness and asked to hug me, it took me by surprise. He expressed feeling sad and asked how to be happy again. It dawned on me that he was upset about being scolded, a consequence of finishing his homework late despite reminders.

I encouraged him to cry, explaining that it’s okay and can help him feel better. After our heart-to-heart, he understood why he was scolded and how to improve. Witnessing his emotional release, he transformed back into his lively self.

This experience made me ponder my parenting style. How many of us hurriedly push our children through tough emotions? Allowing them to process feelings is crucial; suppressing emotions can be detrimental.

Let’s remember the importance of validating and guiding our children through their emotions, fostering emotional intelligence from a young age.

You can truly learn the art of negotiation with my 14 year old girl and this seems to have developed the moment she enters secondary school. 😆

Being the social butterfly 🦋 that she is, she makes friends very easily. She’s requested to hang out with newfound friends after school right from day one of secondary school.

This is where, as parents we have to learn to be flexible yet firm. It’s become our standard questions with her when she requests to go out with her friend;

- where are you going,
- with who are you hanging out
- what’s the purpose of the outing
- and by what time will you be home.

If we find it reasonable enough to let her spend some time with friends and considering her travel time and all, we decide on a time that she must be home.

Mind you, this is not abided by all the time and she has been grounded before and the most recent one being the longest period of time.

So nowadays, I notice she’s more compliant but when she sense us being more permissive she starts her negotiation stance again.

Yes, it’s tiring but to ensure compliance we need to stand our ground. To firm up the rules and regulations is one thing but to ensure compliance is another ball game altogether with these teens. 😅


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I am passionate about empowering parents through self-care, self-awareness, and emotional regulation. Let’s have a chat. Contact me today at my website www.ayuasi.com or just DM me.

Yesterday morning was quite an eventful one, with the youngest one having a tough time finding and wearing his school socks.

Despite the tantrums, it was a valuable lesson in acknowledging emotions and staying firm, all while avoiding adding to his anxiety. After a rushed apology and a hug, the youngest was off to school.

Later, the eldest shed light on the situation, reminding me that the youngest is just a kid trying to navigate his feelings. I was like, Wow! and that’s coming from my 20 year old.

It’s fascinating to learn from my older kids; they never cease to surprise me. Parenting truly is a journey of continuous growth and learning.
(The picture below is me with my youngest who’s 8 this year and eldest who’s 20 this year)

In our journey of parenting, it’s essential to recognize the importance of letting go.

We often strive to shield our children from every fall or failure, yet it is in those moments of adversity that they truly learn and grow.

Allowing our kids to experience setbacks and challenges is crucial for their development, enabling them to build resilience and learn how to navigate life’s obstacles effectively.

It’s time to take a step back and let our children take the lead on their own path to success.

Do you care enough for your children?

It’s crucial to be observant and pick up on non-verbal cues and behavioral changes that indicate when a child is distressed or facing a problem.

Beyond academic and extracurricular performance, focusing on these subtle cues can help us address their emotional well-being effectively.

Yesterday was about self care and processing some thoughts and emotions that’s been bugging me especially so with the recent event with my daughter, when I came across this movie.

It’s about a boy who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when he was in his senior year. The movie detailed the challenges he had with meds, its effects, making friends and of course his mum’s challenges in finding a “cure” for him.

What struck me hard was when he said this, “when you’re a cancer kid, people can’t wait to flock to your aid and are so eager to grant you any wish before you die but when you have schizophrenia people can’t wait to make you someone else’s problem.” I can’t help but relate to the challenges my daughter must have, not only with her mental health but also her physical health, especially so when it’s an invisible illness.

At the end of it though the boy was able to say this after overcoming much of his challenges,
“I have an illness but I’m not the illness itself”and as much as we parents want them to realise that, there’s so much that we can do.

Ultimately they are the ones who need to realise that by themselves and until then, it will be a struggle, it will be painful but the pain is necessary.

Biggest lessons learnt in parenting lately revolve around modeling behavior for our children. Kids learn best by observing our actions.

Recently, I resumed my reading habits and made a conscious effort to finish the books I start, setting an example for my youngest son.

I took advantage of an opportunity at a book fair selling his favorite comic books, fulfilling a promise I made to him earlier.

A few days later, while traveling on a bus, he noticed me engrossed in my book and asked, “Ibu, why didn’t you remind me to bring my book?”

A valuable tip: Introduce children to reading by starting with genres they enjoy, like comic books. It’s all about encouraging their love for reading from a young age.

As parents, the decisions we make about our jobs and childcare profoundly impact our children’s daily routines and well-being.

Walking back from dropping off my youngest at school, I couldn’t help but notice young parents rushing their little ones to childcare.

It struck me how our choices shape their early experiences, from waking up early to being away from us until late in the day, or even night.

Reflecting on my own journey, I realized the difference grandparents made in caring for my older kids compared to the challenging routine other kids face today.

It made me question if this struggle is inevitable when balancing work and parenthood. Are there alternative solutions we’re overlooking?

Teenagehood, a phase often depicted as a storm of emotions, is beautifully captured in the movie “Inside Out 2”. The film showcases the chaos and complexity of the teenage brain, illustrating a period of renovation that can take up to 10 years to complete.

During this time, teens need the unwavering support of their parents as they navigate through the mess and challenges.

It’s essential to see teenagers for all the potential good they possess.

Love and support them through their chaotic journey, embracing every messy and beautiful piece of who they are.

As the movie aptly concludes, “we love our girl every messy beautiful piece of her.”

For those K drama lovers out there, why not take these June school holidays to spend time with your teenagers to watch a series together?

I strongly recommend this particular one titled “True Beauty”.

Some themes featured are
1) Bullying
2) Concept of beauty
3) Friendship and BGR
4) Su***de
5) The entertainment world and the challenges that it pose for teen celebs
6) Social media and its influence

Some angles with which the themes can be discussed with your teens are:

1) Was it right for Hye Min not to defend Jung Kyung initially? Why? or Why not?

2) Have they been bullied before, been the perpetrator or witnessed bullying? What were the morals involved in each role, did they ever play any of these roles and how can they be better?

3) What is their own concept of beauty?

4) The social media platforms that they follow, what they read, watch and why?

I’m sure there are many more talking points and lessons that both parents and teens can learn together. I know I did learn a lot more about a teenager’s world watching this on top of having
some eye candy with the heroes and heroines of this series 😉✌🏻

I love how Devika peels the topic about motherhood despite her not being a mother yet where she said, “The pain that your children goes through is teaching them wisdom.”

As a parenting coach, a lot of the parents,
specifically mothers who come to me
are caregivers of children with depression, anxiety disorder and special needs.

Many have come to a point of their lives where “to what extent do I help, when do I let go?” especially for children already entering into adulthood and I’m talking about those high functioning ones.

Thus this topic of motherhood especially watching your children go through a difficult period, could not have come at a better time.

On top of it all Devika said, “This concept of watching your children go through a difficult period is essentially teaching them (mothers) to love themselves to learn to come and honour themselves so that sometime in the futur, it makes it a little more tolerable like the pain of seeing them (their children) go through it is more tolerable knowing that essentially that this is their (their children’s) journey as individuals on this earth. “

In fact it hit me right smack on my face through a similar situation where I felt that I’ve done what it takes, what else can I do or do I have to let go.

Do listen to the full podcast here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5iLgPXMjsrn7E2DDKw7nOB?si=HeN6j1TFTJKzCJB_hFw_0A&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A4olxeoYtpewuE0v4LT7UG1

Thankful for the invite by Detik at Mediacorp in sharing my insight about infantcare and motherhood.

It was about challenges of childcare in modern Singapore where a mother has to juggle between contributing financially to the household and looking after a child.

It’s also in acknowledging that it takes a village to raise a child, for example we may not have the support of direct family members like our parents or siblings but other than childcare centers there’s also the mention of such community support like Daughters of Tomorrow (DOT) that’s helped a single mum ease her childcare needs and nanny services by Kid Bliss.

Then there’s that question to ourselves as mothers that, are we aware of the choices that we have now despite having to manage our own expectations of ourselves like how willing are we to let go of childcare to a stranger.

The interview was longer and other topics that was brought up was, when should all these be thought of at all. That should we have thought about it all even at the point of entering into marriage life.

Last but not least the importance of being resourceful as mothers because we do have choices.

You can catch the episode on mewatch, Detik, episode 4.

Been rather tied up with my house’s HIP and kitchen reno.

Lots of lessons learnt for ourselves and the children especially when the toilets and kitchen is not available at the same time.

Much lessons to be taught about managing their time when using shared toilets and when laundry is not done as often.

Even to the extent of managing their meals and their expectations of what makes a meal for the day.

Then of course the concept of being gracious when despite it all we are still very much more blessed than those in other countries.

Capture those teachable moments! Have a great weekend! 💕

Basically what happened was that we were in the midst of Hari Raya visiting. 🌙

The progress is that, my daughter would not even come out of her room a couple of years ago. This year though, I see her making effort to want to connect with family. 🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒

However she does get overwhelmed in situations where she’s exhausted herself from the social interactions or when there’s just too big a crowd for her to be comfortable with.

It happened again right in front of my eyes the second weekend when we went visiting.
It was the second house we visited and it was with familiar faces as it was my sister’s house with all my other sisters and their families there. 🏡

She was initially ok although her comfort level was to talk to her own siblings or parents. Suddenly she started feeling breathless. The thing is it could be mistaken for asthma attack or an allergic reaction as compared to a panic attack.

She wanted to leave the place right away though at that point in time, my youngest was still engaged with the other cousins so I tried to coax her and find ways to help her regulate herself.

She wanted her comfort place which is her room and her comfort object which is her
stuffed dinosaur.🦖

At that point, my sisters were trying to suggest that she isolate herself in one of the rooms. She refused, broke down and finally decided to just hold my hand and put her head on my lap.

I didn’t recall how much time has passed since she cried until she started observing my watch and jewellery. She was describing the details of each item on me and commenting on it.

At first I was not exactly paying attention to her until she said “please entertain me, at least it distracts me from the anxiety I’m feeling right now”. It was then, that it dawned on me that she was practicing grounding.

A reminder to self and to caregivers out there, Progress will happen no matter how slow but there is great impact with being present and supportive.

This post was like about a week ago, just the day before Syawal. Only managed to read about it this morning.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5iEbIOuysL/?igsh=Njd3bmFhaGpibWgx

He was right about being away a lot. In fact this guy started fully pursuing his passion at about the age of 18. At that point I was already having that empty nest feeling with him. It made me wonder, am I feeling it too early, but truly he was away from home often, pursuing his diploma and business in music.

We’ve misunderstood him a lot, even now. I guess as parents it’s natural to worry about your child especially so when they don’t follow the traditional track.

This is much related to my video yesterday.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C52_coqhhKt/?igsh=c2tidzA0dzd2YWU2

We gave him much freedom to pursue his passion as much as we also kept reminding him to keep us posted of his whereabouts and to keep his studies his priority at this point in time. Yet when I was talking to another young adult how her parents are still keeping a very close tab on her, he said “my parents don’t care”.

So back to that video of, “where do we draw the mid point” between showing that we care and giving that freedom to explore and pursue their passion?

When we have multiple tasks at hand, it’s easy for our emotions to run high. Yesterday was one of those days for me and my husband. We were anxious about the upcoming kitchen and toilet renovation while still living in the house. On top of that, our youngest was exhausted from a busy weekend and lack of sleep.

As a result, tantrums ensued. I could have lashed out at him too, but would that help the situation? Of course not, as much as I was running on low too.

Instead of reacting, I focused on regulating my emotions. I controlled my breathing, monitored my body’s reactions, and managed my thoughts. By responding calmly, we made it through the day despite the noise and dust.

Remember, calm parents lead to calm children.

Wishing all Muslims a joyous time with friends and family. Taking this opportunity too to ask for forgiveness for any shortcomings on my side. To those with kids with additional needs, remember to be sensitive to our kids’ needs amidst our Eid visits and excuse yourselves if need be. Sending love to all. 💕

On this last day of Ramadhan of 2024 of the Hijrah year 1445, as much as I feel sad, I feel an even greater feeling of gratitude and happiness as I reflect on the last few years of Ramadhan.

Although this Ramadhan can never compare to 2020 where we had no choice but to spend Ramadhan totally at home throughout the day, that was also the best Ramadhan ever where we could fully devote ourselves to ibadah. There was no need to rush in the mornings to send the kids to school or prepare those who had to go to work.

Yet that was also the Ramadhan where I felt lost where my daughter was concerned. That was the Ramadhan she was practically in isolation, depressed and practically did not fast at all.

This year despite all that we’ve gone through the last 3-4 years with her conditions; struggling with school, at work and in social situations, I believe she’s at home with me for a reason.

With the rest of the siblings getting busier, she was around to help me prepare Iftar daily. She was also around practically at every break fast sessions and suhoor.

Looking back, I wanna share that there’s hope with our special kids. Their paths are different and can be an arduous one but never lose hope.