The Connected Canvas

Calling all locals check out, Kooee Kids starting 2026 at two locations, Mt Keira or Darkes Forest, catering for early learners, preschoolers and/or homeschoolers! I personally know Charnel she is lovely, creative and a great educator, who is dedicated to her passion and love for bush and outdoor play. Check out her page to find out the details and lodge your interest.

Regulated & calm are two concepts that are often conflated, however they are not the same thing! We can feel incredibly disheartened that we aren’t able to remain “calm” in the presence of our children’s really dysregulated nervous systems & big, baffling behaviours. Societal expectations pressure us to feel as though we should appear calm & in control at all times, this is simply not how nervous systems work & does a disservice to honouring other nervous system states! The idea that calm is the ideal nervous system state can cause us to bypass our authentic states & emotions in order to appear calm, however this is actually not great for our child’s brain. As our brains are scanning our environment for things that we perceive as a threat, the brain looks for incongruence, things that don’t make sense, one of the biggest types is emotional incongruence. So if I am angry, & I’m telling you I’m not angry, but my body is conveying that I am, this registers as NOT SAFE which causes behaviour to ESCALATE. Lisa Dion defines regulation as: A moment of mindful awareness & connection with myself that allows me to access higher centers of my brain so that I can feel grounded in order to make decisions about what to do next.
Yes! We can be overwhelmed & still be connected to ourselves in our overwhelm, anxiety, sadness & fear. This is both AUTHENTIC & CONGRUENT & registers as safety in our child’s brain than pretending to be calm. By attending to our activation first, we learn that we can create a sense of safety inside of ourselves even when hard. When we are congruent, we reclaim our power. So how can we help our child achieve regulation (not calm)? Recognise our own activation and honestly name our true feelings to connect with ourselves. This gives our child a template for how to do this for themselves. Trust that we know more than we think we do. Get curious about what our child needs in order to feel connected to themselves & get creative. Offer their body sensory or movement opportunities while holding in mind the goal of helping them connect to themselves.

A reminder with Xmas coming up fast, take the pressure off.

Sharing naturally comes from a place of chosen generosity not from force. Forced sharing creates resentment. Also our little folk need to be at the developmental stage to see the perspective of another for real sharing to occur. In the meantime we can model sharing, acknowledge that we notice our little folk sharing naturally from their own choice and encourage turn taking. Follow my next post on turn taking.

For Families who have little folk starting school next year,
Ensure your child is ready for school with this expert-led webinar featuring Dr. Kaylene Henderson. Discover what skills your child needs, how to nurture their development, and ensure a positive start to their educational journey.
This essential webinar includes:
📚 Understanding school readiness
✅ Practical tips for preparing your child
❤️ Fostering a love of learning
🌟 Expert Q&A session
Join to gain the knowledge and confidence to support your child's transition.
June 12, 7.30pm AEST. Register for the FREE webinar now!
https://www.facebook.com/events/984966666638907?ref=newsfeed

Learning how our little folk's brain develops can be helpful for our parenting and understanding their behaviour. By learning about the brain we come to understand behaviour is developmental and not personal. I recommend the book "The Whole-Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson who provide insights and practical strategies for understanding and nurturing our little folk's developing brains.

To learn the ten key lessons and insights from the book join the Simply Nurtured Village.

On Mother's Day let's reflect on self-mothering and practicing Compassionate Self-Talk.

Have you ever paid attention to your inner dialogue? I mean really, intensely paid attention to all the things you say to yourself on a daily basis?

Like most of us, we are probably saying more than a few blaming or shaming things to ourselves.

It’s a tremendous act of re-mothering to pay attention with curiosity to our inner dialogues and respond to ourselves with more compassionate, supportive self-talk, like a mother would ideally say to her precious child.

One very powerful exercise to try once we begin to notice critical or unsupportive self-talk is to look into the mirror & place our hand on our heart and say aloud or silently to ourselves something like “I can see you’re feeling this way [fill in your name]. It makes sense that you would be [fill in the feeling you’re experiencing]. It’s okay to feel this way.”

Doing this validates our emotional experience and allows us to speak compassionately to ourselves, a wonderful act of self-mothering.

Do you attune into your own inner dialogue, what is it saying? How can you self mother those inner parts of you with acceptance, kindness and compassion?

What is a secure attachment and what creates one for our little folk?

Secure attachment is the healthiest form of attachment. It describes an attachment where a child feels comforted by the presence of their caregiver. Securely attached children feel protected and that they have someone to rely on. Children with secure attachment prefer their caregiver over strangers, seek comfort in their caregiver, and are comfortable exploring their environment with their caregiver present.

Secure attachment is seen as crucial to healthy development because it has lasting impacts on an individual. By growing up with a sense of stability and care, securely attached little folk find it easier to investigate and interact with the world around them. They can explore the world and know they can come back to a safe haven provided by their care givers.

We establish a secure attachment through three ways of relating, providing a safe environment and safe way of responding, helping our little folk's internal world of thoughts and feelings to be seen and soothing them in times of distress (even if it seems small to us as adults) which helps them to develop emotional regulation through co-regulation with us.

safe + seen +soothed =secure attachment.

For many of us we didn't receive consistent attachment from our caregivers and we lived in the generation of behaviourism where modifying behaviour was practiced. Tthoughts and feelings driving behaviour were not recognised.

Even if we didn't receive safe, seen and soothed care giving we can give these things to ourselves as adults. To find out more how we apply safe, seen and soothed to our own lives join the Simply Nurtured Village facebook group, link in bio.

credit: modified from Dan Siegel's 4 S's.