13/07/2024
I am a lover of intellectual depth. I’m also an introvert, so shallow conversations are my least favourite thing. I love rigour, and will gladly jump down rabbit holes of dialogue, exploring topics I’m passionate about with equally passionate people. And yet, over time, both as learner and facilitator of learning, I’ve started to notice that subtle threshold when intellectual conversations become less about learning and more about self-protection.
I notice this often at events/conferences/programs in my professional circles, where researchers and/or developmental practitioners (facilitators/coaches) come together and start talking about the field of development. Conversations often become abstract, and big words and acronyms are used a lot - complexity, systems, perspective-taking, VUCA, BANI, ‘lenses’, heuristics, presence, sociocracy, ‘field’, ‘developmental edges’ and ‘shifts’ - all of which, in and of themselves, prompt vigorous debate and intense discussions on nuance, meaning, schools of thought, theoretical approaches.
Yet, these conversations often lack practical examples or personal stories of lived experience. What is something complex YOU are dealing with in your own life right now? What does ‘presence’ mean to you? When did you last catch yourself NOT being present and with what consequences, on whom? What is an example of a particular ‘developmental edge’ you are working on right now; and in what context of your life? These questions are rarely asked and even more rarely answered.
People are polite, careful to make ‘everybody feel included’, ‘foster the spirit of dialogue’ and generally ensure an atmosphere of harmony devoid of any real or perceived discomfort for any of the participants. It’s easy at times in these environments to feel we are engaged in this delicate dance with intricate, choreographed moves where we carefully tiptoe around each other, wary to not offend anyone, skillfully showing off our expertise without taking too much air-time, revealing too much of ourselves or seeming like we are not open to others’ perspectives.
“Building on what X said” - is a phrase I hear often in these spaces. What is it that we are building towards, I am often unsure. “Reflecting on Y” - is another common phrase. How we turn reflection into action, often remains unsaid. The event ends, and we leave having forged ‘deep connections’, gained ‘powerful insights’ and vow to ‘continue the conversation’. But when should conversing end and acting start, and what difference do our musings make in our small real worlds or in the big wide real world at large?
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