20/08/2026
āJust share!ā is one of the most common things we say to toddlers. Itās also one of the least effective. Hereās why. š
Sharing is actually a developmentally advanced skill. And expecting it too early doesnāt just not work, it can create more conflict, not less.
Ages 1ā2: Sharing is essentially neurologically impossible. Their sense of self is still forming. When a 1-year-old grabs a toy back, they are not being unkind. They are being 1. The goal here isnāt sharing. Itās co-presence.
Ages 2ā3: Empathy is beginning but emotional regulation is very limited. Forced sharing often backfires. āTaking turnsā is more developmentally appropriate and even that
requires patient adult support.
Ages 3ā4: This is where genuine sharing starts to become possible, but it still needs scaffolding. This is the prime window for teaching problem-solving strategies rather than
directing outcomes. One phrase we love at HeadStart Club:āIt looks like you two have a problem. Do you need help solving it, or do you think you can work it out together?āIt gives children agency. It positions you as a collaborator, not a referee. And it builds the conflict resolution skills theyāll
use for the rest of their lives. š